The Pig That Ate My Purse (and my pencil skirt)

People. Sometimes it is just safer to stay in bed.

First order of business, I would like to introduce you to the 3 pigs that live in our house. You have met some of these players before...but it will help with the story that is to follow.

Shelby. My Dog. Age 12. Nickname: Pappy or FooFoo

The Original Two Pigs: Codie and Honey May

Codie, pictured with Heather. Age 12. Nickname: Bubba

Honey May. Age 3. Nickname: Biatch

My dog is special. He likes to bite ankles. He likes to "herd". He is cranky and old.

Heather's dog Bubba...is a big old baby. He is also a walking sperminator, and bc he can't quite do it the old fashioned way, he just visited the vet for his "donation"...and hopefully there are little Bubba's and Bubbette's on the way (the mommy dog is his old girlfriend who they breed with).

Honey May is a sweetheart. You come home and she is so excited to see you her entire body shakes and dances. She is also a BITCH. She will eat Bubba up for no good reason. She will also eat your clothes, shoes, bra's, and apparently...purses from Chicago.

This morning, I woke up and walked to my room. In the dark I could make out something on the floor. It vaguely resembled something dear to my heart. With trepidation, I flicked on the light...and there...laying in mangled tatters...

My white purse from Chicago. Pictured here.

It was laying next to my new black pencil skirt that I only wore TWICE. Both were now free of their zippers and other parts. Both were ruined.

Now sometimes, sometimes....I leave my stuff where I shouldn't . For example, it took me two pairs of shoes to learn to never leave them on the ground. But let it be known, my skirt was in my laundry hamper (which was tipped over by one of the pigs and drug around the room), and my purse was on a chair, under other stuff.

I cried. Of course I did. And I know it's just stuff, and neither was very expensive. But after my post yesterday revealing my mental state, it was icing on the cake. I wanted to say "REALLY"??? I can't buy shampoo...let alone a new skirt and purse! And then I started getting sentimental...you know..."AND I bought that purse in CHICAGO, with my BOOBS, and with Draz, and Jenny, and Carmen. There will never be another one...."

Dumb dog. If she wasn't so cute 98% of the time...I would be mad at her.

OOh, and you know what the crazy thing was? I had dreamt last night about me being in a house with these two kids, and they hadn't picked up their toys...after I had told them too...and I went into their room and Honey May had chewed all their toys up and I thought "HAHAH...KARMA"!

Little did I know...she was karma-ing my purse and pencil skirt.

Oh my God. Is this payback from the animal kingdom from Mr. Squirrel?