HELP! I've fallen and landed on a big pillow of calories and lard....and I just want to motorboat the sons-0f-bitches...I just wanna get in there and eat some shit up.
Now. How about that for an opening? Usually I try to bury my good cuss words like 'shit' deep in a post, but not today my fair lovelies. Today it's balls to the wall.
So. Amy's in trouble. I KNOW. I KNOW. You have already lectured me after Mr. Hamburger and the yummy incident, but I do not blame La Burger for what has happened.
You see, first I would like to play a game. We were watching Hoarders last night, and the lady didnt like for the counselor to say she was 'hoarding'. Instead, she liked to have it referred to as "collecting".
OOOOH, so we get to name our disorders anything we want to make ourselves feel better? Goody. Let's play.
What shall I be?
Lifer in the Fatlane?
Anywhoozle, I have gained several pounds. Please refer to the ticker to verify. I am sitting at 172.5. Technically, I don't know what that works out to. I know one day probably over a month ago I saw 163.5 on the scale, but it was a fluke. I was hovering around 167 for a long time, so I am at least up 5.5 pounds...possibly more.
And it's not the end of the world.
It's not all doom and gloom.
But it doesnt make me feel peppy and like I want to throw glitter on the floor and rub my well oiled body all over it. You dig?
So it's time to do something. Thank God I am working out 5 days a week...at least I can feel good about that. Although I think I am addicted to making my muscles bigger, which means I am a Steakhead (like meathead), and don't know how to stop lifting heavy...
But I have been giving some thought to a few things. First, To Fill or Not to Fill. ooh, that's the million dollar question with us bandsters yes? Because there are some things a fill probably wont help with. Things like Snickers, pop, cheese...the good stuff. BUT, there are somethings a fill would help with. HUNGER is numero uno. I am actually physically hungry within an hour of eating 7 chick-fil-a chicken nuggets. And with proper restriction, I should be able to go longer.
Can't I just do it without a fill? This is a question I ask myself. The answer is NOT SO MUCH!
But you know...here is the thick of it. I am going to try to write this as coherently as possible.
When I was losing weight and taking names, when I had my most restrictive restrictiveness (that sounded fun), food was a different experience. I had to be careful what I ate in the morning, and I was rather limited. Things like a pancake, muffin, cereal, toast, etc...were off the table for me (literally). Lunch was usually soup, chili, or something hamburger based that I had made. I ate small portions. Dinner took awhile to eat. No rushing could be had. I had to cut my food and chew well.
That is not how I eat these days. I have grown accustom to eating with a little less care now. I push the limits. Yesterday I actually stopped at McDonalds for breakfast!!!!! And ordered...get this...cinnamelt, a side of sausage, and a large REGULAR coke. The cinnamelt and sausage...I couldnt eat much of. Thank you band. But I drank the Coke. But restricted Amy would have never even thought about putting a fluffy moist cinnamon covered bread product in her mouth. I have been eating cupcakes from this gourmet cupcake store. Restricted Amy couldnt have eaten one. I have been eating more bread products. I can eat cereal again. I know that the point of the band isnt to eliminate foods, but I need it too. I can't be trusted with certain foods. I know this.
And that's okay.
So I will get a fill.
But this does mean I am going to have to return to eating like a bandster. Softer, easier foods. Slower, more thorough chewing. More water. Vitamins. Good things. But I need help to get back there. And I will use my band for that. It will be a good refresher for me. It will be good to go back. Because my habits now are not the good ones that helped me become Amy 2.0.
So there it is.
My non-plan. Or my plan.
Whichever...I wanted you to be a part of it.
To be continued...