Ladies (and I can say ladies because only the girls responded), I can't thank you enough for all the emails or comments you guys left.
Sometimes shit is hard.
Hahah...that will be my quote on my gravestone...if I ever die. I kinda intend to live forever.
But, for those of you who offered advice, or love, or cyber hugs, or just words of any kind, every bit of it made me feel better, some made me cry, some made me laugh.
I have no answers just yet, but what I have been learning is that sometimes...it is okay to wait and to search. And that the answers are mine to find. They can't be found with someone else, or given to me by someone else.
So when I find these elusive answers (perhaps I should consult a palm reader or Oprah), I will let you know.
Until then, I have a new topic to discuss. Its a good'un.
Stay tuned.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Amsters, I didn't have a chance to respond to your last post, but I did read it. I hope that the answers you find bring you peace and contentment. And you are so right - taking the time to search isn't such a bad thing afterall. All my best on your journey...and remember to be kind to yourself!
ReplyDeleteHey Amy...
ReplyDeletei just want to say i have been thinking about you alot and everything your going through...
i've been thinking about what to say to you here...but sometimes theres nothing that can be said but just know that im thinking of you...
i was banded one week ago today...and i have read your blog from start to finish several times....and you have no idea how much you have inspired me, you are my banded role model, and i cant thank you enough for sharing this journey with all us other bandsters!! thank you honey...take care kelly xxx
I do not know how I missed your Saturday post! All I can offer you are hugs Amy. The answer will come to you and Tracy which path to take. Stay strong and first and foremost, always be true to yourself!
ReplyDeleteDamn this stupid time difference. I missed your last post too because of it.
ReplyDeleteYou know Ames, my mother once said something incredibly smart (just the once as she doesn't usually offer good advice.) I was going through a rough patch with MOTH and was thinking of taking time out of the marriage. I then started stressing about whether I could actually let him go. She said: If the the thought of never seeing him come through that front door again breaks your heart, then you know you love him. As you can see, we are still together to this day - 21 years down the track and four children later.
I have no great words of advice from this end, except I do know - like you - I am now a different person to who I was 12 months ago and sometimes we change so much that we leave those we love behind. We change - they don't. That might be where the doubt is coming from. Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you. You're a strong, independent woman and you will do right by both yourself and Tracey - even if the outcome is not what you expected.
If you want or need any kind of input from an old married woman who's 'been there, done that' give me a hoi on my email, darl. I will do whatever I can to help you :) xx
If you are anything like me your answers to life will be different every day depending on mood, weather, outfit LOL
ReplyDeleteGood luck :-)
Good luck sweets- the only clock that matters is yours. Take your time and keep searching.
ReplyDeleteThe surer Amy is, the happier Amy will be for the longest period of time possible.
ReplyDeleteMakes sense to wait. Of course, I'm too impatient, so what do I know? ;)
*fist pound, sista*
I'm glad you took everyone's words of advice and support and I hope you find some sort of peace over this soon. You are fabulous and will continue to be wherever and however you go!!
ReplyDeleteYou are so smart and insightful. I know the right answer will come eventually for you.
ReplyDeleteXOXOXO Gen
I can't believe nobody said it........I'm DYING to know the next BIG HOT TOPIC!!! It's gonna be juicy girls!!!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, I'm the anonymous that posted to go see the movie "UP". It's fantastic and gets you thinking about life. Please tell me you'll watch it :)
Hugs and kisses to you Amy. My son is going through the same thing. I was in tears tonight because he seems so sad. Be ready for a big mama hug tomorrow night at support group!
ReplyDeleteLove you Amykins! Muuuuwwwaaahhhh!
ReplyDeleteyeah i definitely have been thinking about you :-) can't wait for the juicy topic! wait for it....waiiiiit for it
ReplyDeleteHi Amy, I only caught up on posts today I think everyone has basically covered all angles but I do want to say this....I walked away once from something special thinking that I wanted something else...it turned out it wasn't all that greener on that side and I have lived to regret it, unfortunately I was not able to go back..You will make the right decision for you when the time is right. I want you to know that I am thinking of you and sending you hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteAmy
ReplyDeleteIn defense of the boys, we are not very good at these emotional issues, and that is probably why you did not get any male comments .It does not mean that we do not care or understand what you are going through...I am sure you will make the right decision....
I am sorry that you are going through a rough time. This is truly a difficult decision. As I was dealing with a difficult situation recently, someone said "be gentle with yourself." I hope you will do the same.
ReplyDeleteWhen making difficult decisions--especially those of the emotional variety--I often have to remind myself that it's not always about doing what's right. It's about doing whatever will bring you peace.
That is my wish for you...peace.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 :) :) :) :) :)
ReplyDeletei'm at a loss on what to say. i ready your other post and wanted to say something but didn't know what. now i feel bad for NOT saying anything. i'm sorry. i think you're great and hope that you find the answers you are looking for soon. i'm thinking about ya!
ReplyDeleteoh...and sometimes those palm readers are kinda cool. i had one done one time by a makeup artist/dragqueen (at the dillards lancome counter no less!) and it was very interesting!
Hey girl, I have been so busy and just now catching up on blogs.....just read your last post!!!! So sorry you are going through a tough time :( *tear* I am thinking about and hope you find PEACE!!!!!!!!! Hugs hugs hugs!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete{{{HUGS}}} to you!
ReplyDeleteHey Amy..you have been in my thoughts all weekend...I can totally understand what your going through and how you feel. Losing this weight changes us...makes us think differently about things. In a few days I will have been married for 16 years..I can't hardly believe it..but I agree with Cara's advice...if seeing him walk out the door never to return would break your heart, take your time and really think through this...he hasn't changed, you are the one that has changed. It's a big decision, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you... thanks for the quick update! Can't wait for the upcoming topic! :)
ReplyDeleteamy... The feelings you are having are normal.. but I know you love Tracy and you will be just fine!! Its just that you have lost the "old" you and are trying to find the "new" you.. you have an amazing supportive boyfriend!!! I just want to add that I am off work until the 20th and I am completely bored!! I usually can count on your blogs to take me out of my boredom, but the problem is, you have not posted!!! GRRRRRRR Get some good posts going.. PLEASE!?!?!?!!? I know i am crazy, sorry!!!!
ReplyDeleteAlways thinking of you as well. You will get there.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and hope you find the answers you seek soon
ReplyDeleteTake your time. Take all the time you need. This is a tough one. You and Tracey have ALL my love, affection, adoration, respect and my ear if you need it. Luvs ya, B
ReplyDeleteWelcome back, Amy. We missed you!
ReplyDeleteXOXOXO
ReplyDeleteSome how I missed your last post..big hugs being sent your way! Love you girlie!
ReplyDeleteI read your last post, but did not have a chance to comment. I have been thinking about you lately and hope you are doing ok. Big Hug!!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog yesterday (from Diary of a -former- fat chick. I started at the beginning and am up to june 2009. Reading on my breaks at work- cuz that's what work is really for - right! I could so hang out with you. I totally understand the reverse body dysmorphic syndrome because I have the same thing. Anyway just want to say Hi and Thanks for sharing all the "gut wrenching" - ha ha get it - details. karen
ReplyDeleteAmy,
ReplyDeleteI want to apologize for coming in so late on your dilemma. I am just getting caught back up on everything since my surgery last week.
I really feel your pain and I hope sharing some of my thoughts and experiences with you may help.
It’s funny how someone asking you if your weight loss is impacting your decision making right now caused you to stop and think. I would think that it would have to make you stop and think. Our egos are fragile things and there are so many things that factor into the way we perceive ourselves, and yes, how we perceive ourselves will most definitely impact our relationships with others. I work in the local political world and I know that in the past I have been somewhat prejudiced against because of my appearance. It’s almost like some that I have meet refused to take any points that I have made seriously because “if I knew what I was talking about I would be able to push the dinner plates away a little earlier.” Once I allowed that to enter my mush of a brain, sometimes I would restrain from making a point when I otherwise should. Therefore, I made the problem that someone else had my own. It’s big mind f!@$, aint it?
The bottom line is, the psychological fix to our self perception may take much longer than the weight loss effort.
Does this have anything to do with your situation? Only you can answer that.
I was married in 1996 at the age of 22. My wife was only 20. Statistically, we were way too young. In the end, my choice was a good one as we are approaching 16 years and still going strong. I didn’t mind making the commitment then because I believed that the growing up we had to do we would do together. One fundamental truth is that we never stop learning and growing and I was very certain that I wanted to grow with this person. Don’t get me wrong though, bumps in the road there were . . . even craters and detours.
Early on, yes, I had doubts. But it came down to one question. Were my doubts there because I questioned my role in a marriage to this woman, or were these doubts existing because I questioned my role in marriage all together? After self examination, maybe the same kind of self examination you are undergoing now, I found that my doubts were the latter of the two. Problem identified and now I was able to do what I needed to do to address those doubts. And I’m glad I did.
There is no question that marriage is hard work. In some cases, the hardest thing you will have to do. Your outlook on life’s core values, everything from religion and politics to whether or not you must fully rinse food from your plates prior to putting them in the dishwasher will be tried – more than once. Then, when and if kids enter the picture, these challenges will magnify.
I have always believed that marriage is forever. Just like the entities of your siblings and parents. You have undoubtedly faced those challenges with your parents and other family members. So, do you see Tracey as someone that you can face those challenges with as a one, single married entity? Again, a question that you and he must approach together.
Lastly, I have always been a believer in seeking help from people who have knowledge. My wife and I did not seek outside help but at times I wish we did. I want to suggest to you that seek guidance from a religious entity or even a marriage counselor. It is quite popular for couples to meet a few times with a marriage counselor who will help you and Tracey together uncover certain truths and help with this examination. You and/or Tracey may snub this idea at first thinking “who knows us better than us?” And you maybe right. But I consider it talking. That’s really all it is. Could it hurt?
Well, I hope sharing my perspective with you didn’t offend you. Certainly that was not my intent. Whatever you decide, I certainly wish you the best of luck.
Jordo, the Fat Bastard
Well since I have been reading from the beginning forward - I did not realize you were in crisis mode until today. I am crying for you because I know these ambiguous feelings you are having. I wish I had a perfect answer for you that I could wrap up in a pretty little bow. I just finishes July 2009 today boy do I have a lot of catching up to do. Keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeletep.s that was great advice from fat bastard
ReplyDeletesalute
ReplyDeleteHey Ames... just wanted to send a sincere thanks for letting me know you're reading. I've been thinking a LOT about you - and praying - for what it's worth. Love ya. Can't WAIT to meet you in person in Chicago... such a great freakin' blogging friend.
ReplyDelete