My Digits

Friday, February 26, 2010

A Patchwork Quilt I Am

The other day when I went to lunch with band girls, I mentioned how funny it was that when I get dressed these days I am wearing something from another bandster. The day we went to lunch it was pants from Nicole and shoes from Lacey. Today it is a cute little jacket from Mary and jeans from Catherine (also really from Mary)!


I love casual Friday's and I love my girls. I don't know what size jeans these are from the Gap bc the tag is mysteriously missing...lol...so I will pretend that they are 16's. Although they are a wee bit big in the croch area, so they 18's...but Mary didnt know either...so pretend I shall!

You know the post I made on Monday...about obsession? And then I made another post about my weight loss. Some of your comments really hit home. Two that come to mind are from Bonnie and Julia...where in very kind words they told me I was stupid. Okay...they did not say I was stupid, but basically they told me that they couldn't understand what I was down or upset about. That I had lost 120 plus pounds, in a year. I was healthier, happier, thinner...yet I was upset about that?

Thank you for that. You guys are right. It is just very easy to get lost in the hurry of this game. Every day this week when I look at the DAMN scale and it still reads 206 and I stomp to the shower in a huff, I have thought of your words. I need to appreciate where I am.

The funny thing is...you could go back a year in this blog and find some post that talks about my lowest weight (209) and how I didnt appreciate being a size 16 when I touched that size for about 1 minute a decade ago. When I was a size 28 looking at the picture of me as a size 16...I remember thinking "DAMN AMY! You looked good and you didnt even know it. When I get to a 16 this time, I will remember how good I look."

But I got to a size 16, and while I have moments where I know I look good...I spend most of my time waiting to leave the 16's. When spend so much of our life looking for bigger and better, but when it comes to weight loss we keep striving for smaller and better! Crazy.

Angie and I were chatting the other day and she said that on days when she is making good choices and losing, she feels like she is actively dieting. I have been thinking about this (bc I totally agree with her). Maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. Is that the way it is for thin people? I mean, with the exception of people who can eat whatever and not gain weight...won't every day for us be a day of actively choosing our food and exercise? Just a thought.

29 comments:

  1. I don't think you need to beat yourself up about this, honestly. If you look at 120 as an amazing accomplishment, you might also (just might, not a given) say ok, I'm happy. And you know you want more. There's a fine line between looking at what you've done as an accomplishment and looking at what you've done as a step along the way. And it's a step along the way. I never get from you that you aren't thrilled to be where you are. I get from you that you ARE thrilled - but you still want to do more. Is your BMI where it should be - according to what YOU want? Is your weight where it should be - according to what YOU want? Are you done - according to what YOU want? I know that if I were in your shoes, I couldn't look at where I was at this stage and say "ok, I'm happy". Because when I've said that in the past, that was the permission I needed to slack off and start the slide again. Now...the band should help to avoid the slide and the slack...but the brain is going to say ok, a kiss here or there is ok. Right now, while still on the journey, we need to be conscious of how many of those kisses get through our lips.

    You are doing amazing. I think you know that. I hope you do. But don't beat yourself up about beating yourself up. Be kind to yourself, and be proud...and feel free to rant and rave about hating the scale and having obsessions. It's human nature...for us...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey love,

    Yet another great post. I feel like I need to send you clothes just so I can see you in my stuff some more!

    It's really hard to find the balance isn't it. I had to take a day off from "actively dieting" yesterday - I made reasonable choices given my circumstances but not perfect ones, and I'm up this morning. Not a ton, nothing that will change my goal or future - but it's tough to wonder if I really am going to need to be that perfect that much of the time.

    xox

    ReplyDelete
  3. ps my verification word was dermis. remember when everyone used to be like "OMG Amy, your epidermis is showing!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Holy Hot Mama!!! You look like a model.
    You *should* be very proud of yourself, you look AMAZING!! Onderland will come and we will all celebrate with you. I know what you mean about always searching for bigger and better - I often wonder when people (myself included) will be happy with what they have NOW, in this moment. Sit back and enjoy it! You've come such a long way. And I bet that even if you are not losing pounds, your body is changing and getting smaller. The scale will catch up soon - I promise.
    I love your thought about every day being a day of choosing our food and exercise. I do think that is how the naturally skinny people or people in maintenance have to do it. There is no other way. We will always need to be conscious of our eating. It's why this band was a whole lifestyle change. To me that implies flipping a switch not only in my stomach, but my brain. I have a long way to go, but I'm getting there.

    I forget, did I say you are totally smoking hot? Oh...well you are!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Amy, I was at a discussion group last night and we got on this subject exactly. About not being present in the moment. Not fully accepting that the way things are right now is okay. I have spent more than half of my life saying to myself that when I lose this weight, I'm going to do this....or that. My goal for this year is to get healthier, fitter and of course thinner, but it is also to slow down. To take the time to enjoy the journey and not spend so much time focusing on the destination. You're an inspiration to me and to so many. Today, I hope you will take the time to enjoy your journey, to own each of your successes along the way to your final destnation. God speed!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sweetheart - you look Damn good! Just keep that tucked away for when you need it :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm so glad that you are taking a step back to enjoy all that you've accomplished. You look so great and I love the ensemble you have on. I have 1 pair of jeans and only a few tops right now because I refuse to spend money on larger sizes when I'll be smaller in a few months. I'm not sure how the clothes trade goes, but if anybody has any 24/26 sizes that they are done with, I'd be thrilled to receive. And I will make sure to pass them on to a good home once they are too big. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi girl! Can I just say....you are so beautiful! You look hot in that picture! Don't beat yourself up! You are such an inspiration to people! You look great! You have lost so much weight!!!!!! You are doing a great job! I am in the process of being banded, and I have a blog! I would love for you to follow! Thanks girl!

    ReplyDelete
  9. You look GREAT in those jeans! Yes. . they are an 18. I am notorious for cutting all the sizes out of my clothes (in the past. . now I leave 'em in!). I never wanted my boyfriend to see what size I wore!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Amy, you look adorable. You have a way of putting outfits together. I love your style. You look amazing and should be proud of all that you have accomplohsed in just a short while. It can only get better from here girlie.

    ReplyDelete
  11. WELL A healthy life consists of Nutrition and Exersize we are not going to just become Healthy because we have the surgery so we still have to make the choices to get to that healthy LIFESTYLE. I still think im doing horrible all the time because my scale is not moving and I have to realize Ive lost so much already Im bound to stop at one point! You look Fabulous and Im glad that you are able to wear the clothes! it makes me happy to see the sisterhood continue! ANYTIME GIRL!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Girl...you look AMAZING.......!!!!!!!! LOVE the outfit!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think we get so caught up sometimes in what we want to happen, that we don't enjoy what we have at the moment.

    You are looking great! Enjoy your new found body, health and clothes. It will only get better.

    Watch your mail. You should get the package today or tomorrow, Monday at the latest. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow Amy! You look fantastic! I am so impressed with your journey. I've now gone back and read every on of your posts and feel so inspired. You're real. Your true. And it gives me such hope! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I can understand how frustrating it is to plateau, especially close to a big milestone. Hopefully this will make you feel better about it: I found your blog when we were both about 250ish. Because my insurance won't pay for the band I've been following you both for motivation but also to see how your weight loss would compare to mine. I'm progressively losing, but I'm at 230. Those pounds are hard! Take comfort that you look awesome, are getting healthier every day, and you have a tool that you are utilizing in a totally fantastic way. You'll get there.
    -Tamea

    ReplyDelete
  16. OK - the jeans I had on in the prior post were from Catherine because the tag was cut out (lol) and I wouldn't have known it if she hadn't said so above!!! Funny... and Amy??? You look so damn good, it is amazing. If I didn't stalk your blog, I wouldn't know that you hadn't lost weight - you look freaking phenomenal! And I'm at the same place - people keep telling me they can see changes, but that damn scale won't budge below 201.4... (today 1.2 higher than that)... it'll come! IT WILL COME FOR BOTH OF US! Amazing, amazing work.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You really do look great, Amy. Blogging is really good for making us think about what's going on, and everyone's comments are helpful in bringing us back to reality a bit. Enjoy the 16s, because you won't be there long.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Awww...you're so cutesie tutesie! I think you're right - band or no band - diet is a part of every day life forever for everyone - unless they have the metabolism of a 9 year old. I've been trying to maintain my loss for a while now and it's an every day battle. It never gets easy....like they say...if it was easy I guess everyone would do it. You're going to be alright....you'll think about it every day but you won't have to obsess about it or have it be your whole life. I promise.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Just have to say you look AWESOME! Very nice ensemble! You gave me a lot to think about...great post! I've been wondering the same thing myself...will everyday be about making good choices...yep. I just wish I could throw the scale away some days, but that's a recipe for disaster! Lookin' great GF!

    ReplyDelete
  20. You look great! Here I am wishing I were a size 16 and thinking how HAPPY I would be to be a size 16 forever! Even if you never lost any more weight, isn't it great how you look now?? Enjoy that, because you are a true skinny girl now!

    ReplyDelete
  21. You look amazing, beautiful, healthy, sexy & strong! I love your style! You should be walking around shaking that cute butt & be proud of how far you come, and how amazing you look right now!

    ReplyDelete
  22. In case you didn't read it enough times.. you look incredible in your size 16 Gap Jeans.. embrace the moment and get ready for the next milestone...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Love that outfit - and girl, you look amazing. Look at you! You are onto the next phase - don't let anything stop you xxx.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I have some really really thin friends...maybe a 2 or 0 in Us sizes and one eats huge portions and the other one eats very very small meals but only about twice a day. You look so awesome...about an 8 to me....nice preportions

    ReplyDelete
  25. Love the outfit, you look great.

    My close friends are all thin and I would say that most of them pay attention to portion sizes and calories. There are a few who don't but even then the amount they actually eat is probably closer to our banded portions. None of them would say they're on a diet, it's just how they eat.

    You have done phenomenally well and will continue to do so, the scale is on a pause right now but it will start moving again.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Okay, I don't have much time to comment right now. BUT, there was NO WAY that I could see that smok'in hot picture of you and NOT say something!

    Amy- you look fantastic. Absolutely amazing. Skinny!!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Wow Amy! You really know how to put an outfit together! You look so pretty and very skinny! I can't wait until I look that good!

    ReplyDelete
  28. So lucky you have girls you can swap clothes with... I'm shrinking out of clothes so fast my bank account can't keep up. You look amazing Amy!!!

    ReplyDelete