Will we become one of those people so obsessed with maintaining our goal weight that we go to extremes?
I ask because I am not sure if when it is happening, the person knows. And once they get there, I think it is hard for them to recognize what is happening.
The other day, I was reading a thread on LBT started by a bandster who is over a year out and down tons of weight. She has had a tummy tuck already and is under goal weight. She was telling a story about how she is tired of people telling her she has become to obsessed with working out and dieting. It is leading to arguments with her husband and mother. Ah hell, I will just post what she wrote:
"i see members on here that post threads/pictures that say 92 pounds gone FOREVER...50 pounds gone FOREVER and so on and so 4th...i can't seem to grasp the FOREVER part...i'm the 1st person on here to tell people that ask me questions to "just relax and take it day by day"....i can't seem to follow my own advice when it comes to maintaining my loss...i CAN'T relax....i'm scared to death to relax...i don't think any loss from any type of weight loss surgery is FOREVER...i've seen people on here and in my own personal life put their weight back on...(mostly bypass patients)...i'm not doing anything different then i did to lose the weight...but i can't get over this fear of it coming back...i find myself working out harder to make sure it doesnt come back...my husband friends and family don't understand what i am going through...and now think i have a "problem"....who doesnt...lol....i can't live in that misery again...i can't do it...but i can't seem to grasp the FOREVER in my head either...its on my mind all day....everyday....i feel like if i have the FOREVER mind-set i'm going to get lazy....if i feel like if i think i'm invisible to ever gain my weight back i'm kidding myself...i'm happy going to the gym...i happy with what and how i eat...i didn't have to chage much about how i eat....i love meat...i just needed the portion control...i have that with my band...but i want to feel like i'm going to be okay...i want some1 to assure me that i'm going to be okay...that if i keep doing what i'm doing it won't come back...i'm totally stressed out about this... "
Here is what I think. It becomes an obsession when it starts to affect other parts of your life...your relationship, your work, etc. It becomes an obsession when it becomes detrimental. The fact that she posted about this, almost seeking affirmation that she is okay, makes me think that she feels...somewhere deep down inside...that maybe she has lost control. And I told her that much and she agreed. She is really a sweet person and always have such positive things to say about others pictures, and she has lost WAY above average...
It is just interesting, this transferring of addictions. Somehow we have to find a healthy balance and a real way to live.
I have never said "x amount of pounds...gone forever". For me, I don't know if they are gone forever. I don't think the band will last forever, but I hope if that time comes, I have other options. But, I also don't live in fear of the weight coming back. Not everyday fear...although if I am honest a taco bell bender does put some fear into me. But I have always said that I think the band is different than "diets" bc when we use it for good and not for evil (USE THE FORCE LUKE), we learn. We learn a new way of life, living, eating, cooking. That is my hope anyways.
Someone close to me had gastric. She is now too thin, too deflated, and too obsessed with keeping the weight off. She swore before surgery it wouldn't happen to her. But she is also one of those people who has completely changed with her weight loss...and not for the better. With her new found "confidence" she drinks to much and sexes too much.
There is just so much more to all of this then food. But we all knew that. I just wanted to share with you guys and get your thoughts.
Although I'm just starting this journey with the band, I am completely terrified that I will lose the weight and then put it back on. I've done it before with 75 pounds I lost on my own, so to me it's a very real fear. I just hope (and I do know) that with the band it's different. But losing than gaining it all back has been and is still my number one fear going through this whole process.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'll ever say "gone forever". There is too much insecurity inside me - will there always be the fat girl in there? Will she laugh at and belittle me if I gain it back? I hope she goes along with the rest of my weight. I like to think I've invested so much in this I will make it work forever, but there are no certainties.
ReplyDeleteWow - that was a bummer comment (a reflection of my day).
I agree. I think she sounds scared of what she's going through. And I agree when it affects other areas of your life then something is wrong. I do say "gone forever" b/c my hope is that w/ the band, the choices, habits, and routines I pick up through out this process stick w/ me as life long changes. I don't think gastric pt's can gaurantee gone forever b/c there have been so many who gain weight back. But w/ the band, say you lose 100 lbs and maintain for 5 years. You had a bad year, you break rules, you do things you shouldn't and you put on 30 lbs. Well we have the option to return to our surgeon, pay a fee, and have them ADJUST our fill, our process, our abilities. So THAT is why I chose the band. B/c only being 24 I k now there are a lot more life things and circumstances out there that may make me gain. I think those things are inevitable and that nobody is PERFECTLY healthy or a PERFECT EATER! We all screw up, from time to time. And see, I may have more kids in the future. First pregnancy I gained 30 lbs, and last pregnancy I gained 50. So with the band I can control weight gain in pregnancy and adjust it back down to lose weight when the pregnancy is over. So the flexibility of the band is why I think it's easier, we have a better shot to succeed, and we can gaurantee some pounds are gone forever.
ReplyDeleteI mean, even if you take your taco bell experience or your cruise experience, YOU TOOK BACK CONTROL. You got another fill, you adjusted, and now you are back on track to where you want to go. It was not the end for you. So why can't we do that 5 or 10 yrs out, go back in for an adjustment, and get ourselves back on track. That I guess for me, is where my hope lies, in believing it's possible we won't gain it all back, and we can recover.
Boy, there's a loaded gun of a question; do we think we will put the lost weight back on and or become obsessive about it? I honestly think think this has a lot to do with individual personalities.
ReplyDeleteFor me.. My goal was to lose so much weight (but weight that needed to be lost) so if I do put on a kilo or two, well, it's no biggie, I will just work on getting it off again.
I don't exercise to extremes now and I don't figure that will change (old dog, new tricks and all that!!) but I will most likely keep myself in check. This is the reason I got the band instead of tackling the weight loss on my own again. I am "hoping" I WON'T gain any of the weight back but if I do.. I know it wont be much.. I plan on keeping myself in check.
I haven't been banded yet (hopefully this Spring) but the whole reason I'm getting it is so that I quit the whole yo yo game of my weight going up and down. Otherwise, why bother? I can lose weight, I just can't keep it off. Isn't that why most people get banded?
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you (and everyone else who commented) in so far as I think it's person related. If you tended to obsession-prone before, you'll probably still be that person. Losing weight doesn't mean your personality 'melts away' with the weight - in many ways I think losing weight brings your REAL self to the surface because you no longer have fat to hide behind.
ReplyDeleteI feel for that woman, I do...and I think she needs to help to realize that she is so much more than just the scales.
For me I'm a little bit blase about this (maybe TOO blase) as I see it as a life change, not a goal to reach. For me there is no "finish line" no "end point" no GOAL at all other than to be happier, healthier, and overall look and feel better.
I don't weigh myself (other than doctor visits), have no specific goals (eg at -20lbs I'll do XYZ) and basically am taking this all one day at a time. Sure, this kind of relaxed thing is working well for me, but it won't work for everyone. I just didn't want to get to 'goal' and then find myself asking, "And now what?"
Anyway it's food for thought (pun intended!). :)
This was a really interesting post. I do say "gone forever" to my weight -- or at least the bulk of it. I keep in mind that I could bounce up and down a bit if I have any problems with my band once I get to goal, so -- for now -- I'm hanging on to sizes 10-14, just in case I ever need them. But, I am done with 16-20/1X/16W and may get rid of the 14s once I'm out of size 10.
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty heady stuff to be attracting cute guys in more significant numbers these days. I can see how people get carried away with it, and fall under the "sexes too much" category. It's important to keep that stuff in check and to remember that you don't have to take advantage of every opportunity.
Thanks for posting this -- good food for thought.
xoxoxo,
Catherine
I will definately never be someone that obsesses over maintaining an exact weight. For me I want to be healthy and happy. I know I make dumb choices with food sometimes but I don't let it get me down! Everyone asks me now "Are you still trying to loose weight?" and I always say the same thing "I'm at a healthy weight now so I'm just playing it by ear, if I loose I loose and if I gain I gain, I'm not trying to do either I just want to try to maintain."
ReplyDeleteI'm with you Amy... I don't think "forever"... but I am so much happier that I do think that it helps with my choices. I haven't had so many major changes as outlined though - and maybe because I'm already married, etc... the "sexes too much" won't be an issue (lol) to worry about - but I do know that this is just a tool - not the end all, be all... just a tool! Great post.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, the thought of maintenance couldn't be more foreign to me. Never in my conscious life have I wanted to stay at a weight, and that's going to be hard for me I'm sure. But in a way... The band gives me confidence. I finally know that I can lose weight, I sort of thought I couldn't. If I had to do it all over again I'd be alll sorts of pissed, but I'd know I could...
ReplyDeleteps I'm the friend who sexes and drinks too much aren't I! haha
ReplyDelete