I'm not. But I could be. And that's the point.
Now that I have my trusty at home laptop, along with this novel thing called internet, I can blog freely from home. And I can do so snokered. (SUH-nah-curd)
I am one small glass of wine in. And I even poured like a lady should pour. You know, only about half full. Because to be honest, mama likes her wine glass full up to the top. You heard?
I have always longed for one of those jobs where you can have a sexy decanter or glass thingie full of you favorite adult beverage. Last night I decided I would become a lawyer just so I could drink brandy or whisky when I felt like it. Although, it would probably be more along the lines of Patron or Miller Lite. But you get my drift. Maybe more work would get done if we were all a little tipsy.
Anywhoozle, I remember the days of my single-dom, spent in my townhouse in Topeka, KS. I would make me some fruity martini, light up a clove, and set down at my computer to type. That's right. I thought I was Carrie Bradshaw.
I have another confession to make, now that I am almost at the bottom of my glass of wine. It's so tricky making confessions on my blog, now that I know my family members, and a smattering of important work collegues read this thing. But you know me....boundaries are for sissies.
You should know that my mood and self-worth are directly correlated to how often Heather and I do the dirty dancing. And of course by dirty dancing, I mean sex.
You see, as Heather has put it, I am like a teenage boy when it comes to sexy time. I could do it several times a day, every day....with Heather. This is honestly the first time in my life that I have been in a relationship that I wanted to have sex a lot. Usually, historically I should say, sex has been a "duty". But now, I just like it. And it's not about getting off, because let us be frank. I could do that in 60 seconds on my own if that was the case. It is about a connection. It is about a wanting and a desire. And really, its about feeling wanted and desired in return. And I suppose I could warrant some therapy sessions as it relates to this....my linking sex with love and desire. Because when I am thinking clearly, Heather shows me in so many ways that she loves me, wants me, and thinks I am as hot as [insert really hot person here]. But it boils down to this...because I want to jump her bones 99% of the time, I get my feelings hurt when she doesn't want to jump mine. And then I start to do...it. You know what I am talking about....
The negative self talk. And if there is one thing I am good at, it is talking shit to myself in my head. It's terrible and impressive all at the same time.
And so there you have it. And I know it sounds crazy when everything else in my life is awesome...that I let this one thing bring me down. And today is a good day because last night we talked about it at length, and then this morning....I got me a piece. But I know I need to work on my feelings about this on my side. I need to find clarity in moments of confusion.
So happy Saturday friends! I hope you find yourself with a nice bottle of wine or water (for those of you who are good and faithful bandsters), with the people you love, appreciating the good things in life.
Hugs and kisses until next time. Or until I drink a little more and then take naked pictures of myself or tell you about inappropriate dreams.
xoxo-your crazy Amy