Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Sigh. Can We Talk About My Boobs Again?

A couple of things I would like to leave you with as I go offline (traveling) for a few days.  Ponder and comment.

#1.  My boobs are killing me smallz.  Not like "my boobs are smothering me in my sleep" kinda killing, but like "my boobs make me WANT to smother myself in my sleep."  I am 27 years old.

ahem

Okay fine!  I am 31.  But my chi chi's?  My fun bags are those of an 87 year old.  An 87 year old that has never seen a bra a day in her life.  I am thankful on a daily basis that I was not alive and protesting in the age of feminism...where I wouldn't have been ABLE to wear a bra.  Man...that would have been unpleasant for everyone involved.

Some day kids...these babies are getting lifted.  If I didn't honor Heather's never uttered (ha...I said uttered and I am talking about boobs) but most likely implied sentiments that I can't be naked on my blog, I would post pics of these bad boys.  When I bend over and they are free....well...the old sock with a tennis ball in the bottom analogy always pops into my mind.

And yes.  There are solutions that are non-surgical.  For one, I could just always close my eyes and never look.  Two, I could never bend over.

Problem solved.

But see, sometimes I do peek. And sometimes during sexy time I can almost...I said almost...get distracted with all of their dangle.

Sigh. 

Why are none of you plastic surgeons?  WHY?  Maybe I will start a paypal account or fundraiser?  I will call it Tits For...I don't know.  You guys come up with something catchy!

The next subject for discussion is:

I think in my former life I lived through, or possibly died in, the Great Depression.  On the for real tip, it's like Grapes of Wrath up in my mind.  I still have the famine mentality...where I feast just because...and here is the real question...

WHAT IF I RUN OUT OF FOOD?  WHAT IF I DON'T GET A CHANCE TO EAT AGAIN FOR...ah hell...AT LEAST 2 HOURS?!

Seriously.  This is what got my el-big-o and what the band helps me from returning too.  I just eat for the sake of eating.  I eat, or want to eat, whether I am hungry or not.  I eat because I have this irrational fear I may not be able to for awhile.

My grandma (Irene, hence my middle name) had this mentality when she was alive....as some of your grandparents might who were born during the great depression.  Except she didnt horde or eat food, she shopped.  And then had like 3 blenders...never opened...stored somewhere.  Need a steamer shark?  She probably had two of those.  They bought because they could...and came from a time when they couldnt.

But...I never came from a time where I couldnt' eat.

WHY ARE NONE OF YOU THERAPISTS?  I'm going to have to start fundraising for that as well.

Do you ever want to say really hateful things to people on facebook?  Like...they annoy you to no end?  I can't say them here either...DAMN IT! 

Thankfully I am perfect.  Although I have been told that my posts on Heather's wall can induce feelings of nausea.

Whatever.

My connecting flight tomorrow is through Atlanta.  I consider the ATL airport, the first gateway to Hell.  It's big, and if there is so much as a bird passing gas in a 30 mile radius of the airspace...flights will be delayed.  I have 35 minutes between flights.  I am supposed to arrive in business casual, but I have decided to fly L.A. shiek.  I describe this a relaxed yet hip.  Perhaps I will wear sunglasses INSIDE the airport.  That would be mysterious.  OOOOh....or maybe an eye patch.  Eye patches are always hot.

Wish my luck!

Until my return....keep fighting the good fight!

17 comments:

  1. How about I NEED FIT TITS? For every giggle you give us...we contribute a buck. This one post gave me three so set up the pay pal fund!

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  2. I also dispise the ATL.

    But I get to stop at the Dallas Airport on the way to AZ. yippee. That also is one sucky airport. I got stuck there for 20 hours once. With my 18 year old brother and 6 year old niece. That was a day for the record books.

    At least you have some bazookas. I have none. I resort to push up bras and if I don't wear a pushup, I look like a 12 year old boy.

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  3. Tips for Tits?

    Amy, Amy, Amy.... my ANTHEM is "my boobs hang low" and have had to resort to sleeping in a workout tank thingy, because I rolled over one of those suckers, and it HURT! Plus, my husband started laughing and flopping them around, so I said "Oh yea, funny... hahahahha.... now you get to pay for them to get fixed" Surgery date: June 17th. That's what happens when you don't help with laundry/dishes in this house.... you pay Tips for Tits! :)

    BTW...... eyepatch?!? LOVE IT! Wear one like Darryl Hannah in Kill Bill, and whistle that little ditty that she does..... wont' a soul fuck with you at that airport!!

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  4. What about going through your insurance to see if they will cover it? Mine did, and it was the most AMAZING thing ever!!! Of course I had them done before the band, and now they are teensy tinsy small (BOO!). I will be having implants in the Fall as my gift to me for getting to my goal!!

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  5. Amy, have you read "The Beck Diet Solution"? It's not a diet book, but rather a cognitive therapy technique for learing how to think like a thin person. I just started it (I'm listening to it on audiobook during my commute), and it is very interesting. When it was talking about how people with food addictions tend to think in terms of being scared of not knowing where your next meal is coming from, that really struck a chord with me. I currently have in my purse a pack of Just the Cheese, an Atkins bar, and a packet of roasted soybeans. Yeah. I have issues. They keep saying that "hunger is not an emergency" and not to panic about being more than an arm's length from food at any given time. Anyway...check it out. Cheaper than therapy. (Can't help you with the boobs...I have the same issue.)

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  6. Have a great trip!

    My ta-tas only look good when I'm upright. If I'm naked and lean over they look exactly like a tennis ball in an old sock.

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  7. maybe one day you will give yourself the gift of new and perky boobs. It can be your ultimate reward for sticking to this and losing so much weight, and you know you deserve it!
    You always make me laugh out loud!

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  8. Have a safe trip! Love the eye patch idea (Argh! Pirates are sexy!)!

    On the mission statement, I am putting in a strong vote for "Boundries Are For Sissies." Love it!!

    Don't let second base get you down! Is a small price to pay for all the other parts looking so much better. But I hear you... as heavier people, that's usually the one body part that always looked the best.. And now we are all caught in The Mystery of the Deflated Twins, by Sagatha Christie.... :)

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  9. I've stoppped bending over during sexy times because I'm afraid I'll take an eye out with all teh flopping around oging on with my boobs. Terrible!

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  10. Amy,

    No matter how crummy my day is, when I stop by to read your blog, I can count on a smile for something you have written!

    Thanks for writing.

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  11. I am in the same boat. My tits chase my fit if I don't wear a bra. It's like they want to mate with my knee caps or something! ahhhhh!!!!!

    Heather should learn how to share the "naked" version of you. NO FAIR!!!

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  12. FWIW, I think the 'girls' look amazing in the bathing suit pic you have at the top of this blog, and that doesn't look like a push-up bathing suit so it's not like you're being "helped" in that pic; it's all you ;) But hey, I'm not anti plastic surgery in the least. If that's what you want to do, by all means, do what makes you happy :) Just between you and me, that's my gift to myself when I get to goal (new boobies!!) :)

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  13. My firm funbags have slid into a slum as well... It's a Weight Loss downfall. One of the only blessings of FAT is BIG BOOBS... and they're the first thing you lose. I'm like... What? I'm not thin yet... Give me a reprive on the Boob front.

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  14. Mr. Will Schuester said on Glee the other night -- "the thing you'd most like to change about yourself is the most interesting thing about you." This quote might apply perfectly to your BOOB situation! :)

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  15. Go get fitted for a bra. I swear you will feel way better about your boobs hanging low. I am going thru the same thing but mine are 2xs as big. I feel yah sista!

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  16. I hear you on the boobs, but strangely enough, they did not turn out as bad as I thought they would be....probably because all the really big damage was already done, being pregnant and breastfeeding forever.

    Which reminds me, I know I am always saying "when you are a mom," and it must be very annoying, but because I am so sure you will be an amazing mom, I feel it is my duty to say: Wait until after you have kids to get the boobs done! It would be so sad to not be able to nurse your babies. (As I understand it, sometimes a boob job intereferes with breastfeeding). But after that? Lift away!

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  17. A non-post related comment. I'm getting banded on the 12th (so close! eep!)and I wanted to let you know I pretty much just spent this weekend reading your whole blog (and dang you're wordy! I love it!), and the biggest thing I can say is THANK YOU! Thank you for being being so up front and honest about everything. It's nice to know that I can slip up on my food choices and not be a total failure. It's nice to know that I might not be one of the ones that starts to think of food as fuel (but i'm so hoping), but even if that's the case, that's okay. Thank you for sharing slip ups, successes, PB's and everything. I'll keep following and rooting for you and Heather (have to admit I'm jealous of having a personal trainer for a significant other) and hopefully in a year or two, I'll be right where you are!

    <3 Sam

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