Wednesday, September 30, 2009

My Boyfriend Double Lined a PB Bag For Me...

Now that is love.

I met Tracey for a quick lunch today at the mall. And now I have another wonderful PB story to share with you...the world...or the 100 or so odd readers of this blog...oops, that sounded like I was saying YOU were odd...hahha...

For the non-banded, early banded, or the i-dont-even-know-what-a-band-is crowd, a PB is a productive burp that is usually a result of eating too quickly, too much, or just the wrong type of food. For me, a PB exhibits itself in one of four ways:

1. Foam from the nose
2. Foam from the mouth
3. From from BOTH the nose and mouth
4. Or the lodged chunk of food shooting out of my mouth.

A PB is not a full on throw up. I don't lose all of my food. Usually just the bite that caused the traffic jam, and the following bites that were sitting on top of that food. A PB is not self induced, no finger into the throat action. In fact, by the time I actually make it to the bathroom (in a perfect world) I usually just open my mouth and *Poof*, magic time.

I have PB'd in the car, in a restaurant, on a cruise ship somewhere in the Gulf, in a parking lot, in the yard, in a bag, in a tupperware container, on myself. (I feel like I could make a Dr. Zuess story book out of all that)

So today, I decided that I would eat a piece of pizza from the food court at the mall. It was a thick piece too...I dont even know what I was thinking. I made it about half way through. Then I get that glazed over expression that Tracey knows is a sign for "I am trying to pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth, but really I am thinking about not throwing up". Eventually I get up and start to walk to the bathroom, but for some reason it is busier in there then Macy's at Christmas time, so I made a quick dash for a door marked "Nursing Mother". Apparently it was a room for a mother to nurse in private. All I knew is that it was empty and had a lock and a sink. PB #1.

After that, we headed to the car. Feeling like my esophagus fireworks works were not finished, I asked Tracey to hand me an empty Wendy's sack from the backseat. He actually found two, and said "Let me double bag this for you, just in case." And he proceeded to even roll the sides down for me. Well, I fought back the building up of saliva in my throat until he got out of my car. I pulled away and PB#2 into the bag. This time it was accompanied by the Amy-esqe nose foam. Problem-o bc I had no napkins. Again. And could only try to control the nose foam with my hands. I pulled over and frantically searched for something I could use to wipe my nose, chin, hands, steering wheel...

NOTHING! CURSE YOU AMY WORKMAN FOR CLEANING YOUR CAR OUT!

I started to weigh the options to decide which article of clothing I could sacrifice for a napkin, but ruled them all out bc I am wearing a precious royal purple cardigan today. So I let it air dry on my hands. I managed to find a woo-woo wipe in my purse (the ones for keeping your lady parts fresh). I made it back to work. Since then, I have found dried up bits on my chin, shirt, and in my hair.

Good times.

So what have I and hopefully you, learned from this little episode?

1. Don't attempt thick crust pizza this late in the restriction game.
2. Not only should there be "Nursing Mother" rooms at the mall, but "PBing Bandster" rooms.
3. I am going to develop and market a Lapband Car Kit that contains a roll of paper towels, gallon zip lock bags, moist wipes, and a bib.

26 comments:

  1. Can I buy the kit you are going to make? Why do PB's come when I'm in the car or in the middle of a meeting when it's impossible to get away?
    Hugs!

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  2. Hahaha! I love the Dr. Suess thing!!!!

    I'm sorry about your experience. I hate it when that happens.

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  3. You know...I was having a down in the dumps sorta day today. You made me smile and I feel better now! I am sorry you had this experience but I love your stories!

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  4. Oh my girl, you for sure need to put together a car kit! Too funny.

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  5. Too funny, as expected. I'm going to start purchasing my car kit items NOW. We had to rename one of the 'work' cars I used way back before the band was even on my horizon. I wasn't feeling well and was driving home from Tulsa (for work) and half a bag of pretzel nuggets and a diet coke later, I got this horrible tickle and just kept coughing..until...bleh...out it came all over my shirt, shoulder and down the side of the seat. Just sad...but now she's the Vomit Comet! :)

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  6. Hahaha this was so funny!
    I read your blog all the time (lurky mc lurk) and never comment but all your band stories echo just what im going through with my band.
    Youve done so well with your weightloss and show you can live a normal life even with eating restrictions, and not everything has to revolve around food and eating.
    bex x

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  7. I haven't PB'd yet and I have an irrational fear of vomit so........I totally feel for you and am hoping NOT to be a chronic PB'er....yikes!

    -amy

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  8. Once again..love the post. Still very early in my banding I have not experienced a PB, but from all of your stories, I now know what I can expect. hahaha....oh and sign me up for the Workman's PB Car Kit

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  9. Ok Amy you made me LOL AGAIN at work...you are so Crazy girl!! Im sorry you Pb'ed but I would have NEVER EVER even thought about having Pizza at this point in my restriction I dont even look at it when I go to the mall LOL I always get the Burbon chicken and that stuff is the devil because it is soooo goood. anywho You are a riot and we need to get the marketing started for you car kit! :o)

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  10. too funny, sorry about the bad timing though.... in the mall?!

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  11. Ewwww!! I am so thankful I have only PB'ed once in this journey (funny part is it was 11 months to the day in).

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  12. so hysterical...thanks for the laugh!!
    Sorry about the PB, but the story was great!!

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  13. Poor you! That did sound rather ick (and yet girl.. I did laugh..only because I've been there!!!)
    Strangely enough I had pizza the other night (2 small slices) and it went down no problem.. try a piece of sausage though and its ww3.. YOIKS! I now carry a little bunch of ziplock bags in my handbag and some wipes..very eww but very smart. Sign me up for the car kit.. bloody amazing idea!!

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  14. My PB was not nearly as traumatizing as yours have been. Only once for me too... enough though, plenty.

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  15. I think you have a marketable product there Miss Amy! As much as PB'ing sucks and we all go through a similar process at least you can make the story comical for us all to have a chuckle...(sorry, I know it isn't comical at the time, been there, done that!) xx

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  16. PS Tracey is a sweetheart and if you guys take the vows...he could add...I promise to double bag your PB bag's and always be there when you go glassy eyed! now that is LOVE!..xx

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  17. Amy! You always make my day much brighter. I'm sorry about the PB, though. I am getting ready to set my surgery date & am not looking forward to PB'G! The Lap Band Car Kit is a great idea. Until then, I will definitely be putting these items in my car & purse, for the future! Have a great day!

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  18. I actually carry a zip lock bag in my purse with a wet wipe in side just for these occasions. I also carry zip lock bags and wet wipes in my car and my hand bag. All the girls at my work just know it as I'm going to powder my nose, lol

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  19. LOL you make me never want to even look at pizza now, which is definately one of my redlight foods! Great blog!

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  20. Oh Amy ! Sorry you made me laugh ! You are soooooo funny to explain such bad experiment with a such funny way !!
    Excuse me for the stupids questions but why using a zip lock abg with wet wipes instead of having baby wet wipes with you that are safe in a bag ?? My english knowledge is not sufficient to well understanding ! and what is the difference by "vomiting" and have this "pruductive burp" ?? Well I should have to learn about to be able to have to correct reaction when I'll be banded ahahahah ! Thanks for your help ! smooch

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  21. who foams. you're a strange one.

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  22. OMG!! Never, ever have I experienced anything close to that!! It sounds awful. I think you should develope that Lapband Car kit!!! We would all buy one for sure!!

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  23. Lap Band Car Kit....great idea! I'd buy one...LOL. Your funny stories always make me laugh.

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  24. Oh God, Amy..this freaks me out! I can't imagine living like this. . .

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  25. That is hilarious...although I am sure it wasn't in the moment! Foam? I've never had that, thank goodness. Your boyfriend is a winner!

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