Sunday, September 15, 2013

The Day My Back Massager* Caught Fire

Many moons ago, I decided it was time to upgrade my battery operated back massager*.  You see, my battery operated back massager* would run out of battery juice preeeeetty often.  To often for a girl in her early 20's who, while she did get her back massaged by others, never REALLY got a good deep tissue back massage....you know....the kind of massage that helps you see the Lord and helps you to fall asleep with a little smile on your face.

So, I did some research and decided to invest in what was referred to as the "Cadillac of Back Massagers*. 

Recently, I had to lay to rest my third installment of my Magic Wand, pictured above.

One problem with corded items that see a lot of use, and then get their cord wrapped around them so they can fit discreetly in a sock drawer, is that over time, the place where the cord connects to the base of the "wand"...well that connection starts to frey a little.  The rubber coating the covers the wires inside of the cord starts to crack and give way to the actual wires.

Well one day a couple of weeks ago, after a particularly fine massage, I went to turn unplug the little guy to return it to it's home in the drawer, and before I could get to the wall...

well...

it kinda caught fire. 

Seriously.  There were sparks shooting from the torn cord.  It was like fireworks.  One little spark landed on the damn carpet and I thought I was going to have to stop drop and roll...naked.  I managed to get my little friend unplugged though...managed to stamp out the potential carpet fire...and stood there in my bedroom....back massager* in hand.  It was over.  The time had come.  I walked into the kitchen and stood in front of the trash can.  I briefly thought of burying in the yard under the oak tree.  But I didn't want to have to shovel dirt with my lady bits flapping in the wind...so I placed it in the trashcan and said goodbye.

It could have been worse I guess.  I could have caught my cooter on fire.  That would have been an uncomfortable conversation to have with the ER doc...and my girlfriend.

Happy massaging my friends!

*If you are a member of my family or one of my coworkers, please know that I really meant my back massager.  If you are anyone else, you may replace the words "back massager" with vibrator.

The end.

12 comments:

  1. bwahahhahaa! Glad you survived the incident unharmed!

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  2. hahahha... wow. I hope "carpet fire" wasn't meant to be a pun....

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  3. Favorite blog of all time!! Seriously!!

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  4. OMG! Hilarious. I'm sure Heather peed her pants when you told her this one!
    Almost time to make out that Christmas list. I hope Santa doesn't blush easily.

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  5. hahaha...I soooo needed this laugh today.

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  6. Love it! Lelo makes the *best* back massagers*, by the way.

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  7. Spit my coffee out on this one..Love it.

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  8. Just found your blog. Love it! My wife and I both had lap band. Not too many lesbians with WLS blogs these days... I had a similar back massager as sexy as it isn't... And there was a short or something and it shocked me. It shocked! My *back during sexy *back massage times.

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