Dirty Thoughts & Random Tidbits

1.  Last night a "special lady" came to our work and did a yoga class for donations.  I went, just to be a good team player.  During the last 6-7 minutes, when we are sprawled out on our mat, breathing and "concentrating on the quiet spot between our thoughts"...the entire time I am thinking about sex.  And then I start thinking about cheeseburgers.  Sex and cheeseburgers.  Sex and cheeseburgers.  Not sex with cheeseburgers...although I aint gonna lie...it's not a TERRIBLE idea.  Anyways.  I can never quiet my brain. 

2.  Sunday Heather took me to the batting cages.  Here is the recap.  I shall phrase it like a math question on the SAT.  There were 6 batting cages, only one of which was slow-pitch softball.  At the One batting cage, there were at least 7 young children, all in various levels of cool.  All with dads and moms, watching and coaching.  Amy bought 11 tokens.  Each token was equal to 12 pitches.  Amy started sweating as each of the small boys went into the batting box and came out victorious after hitting every ball.  Amy stepped in.  She swung, over the course of the next 30 minutes, at approximately 84 balls.  She MISSED EVERY SINGLE ONE.  If a train leaves a station in Montana at 5:45 am, and another train leaves Hawaii at 6:40pm, when will they crash?

The answer is:  There is no hope.  EVERY.SINGLE.BALL

3.  It's 6:09 in the morning and I really want some oreos. 

4.  I have to poop.  Which reminds me.  I kinda had to poop all weekend, but I didnt really want to commit, so I DIDN'T go.  And then, yesterday when I am waiting for Heather to get out of the eye doctor, I REALLY had to go.  The moral of this Aesop fable is: don't wait.  Go poop.

5.  It's 6:10 and the oreo demon won.  I had to do it.  But I will chase the oreo with some milk, thus making it a good preworkout snack. 

6.  I downloaded Color Me Badd's "I wanna sex you up".  Do you guys remember that song?  I put it on and did a love dance for Heather last night.  She just laughed and laughed and kept repeating "What's wrong with you?"  Not the reaction I was hoping for.  I bet a cheeseburger would appreciate a dance like that.

7.  Fine.  I just ate another oreo.  But they are the spring time edition!  So...it makes sense.  Speaking of oreo's, sometimes when I am teaching a class here at work to our staff, and I am talking about relating to our clients addictions, I share my oreo addiction.  I say "I may not drink a lot, or do drugs (they don't need to know everything!), but if left alone with an entire package of oreos, I will eat the entire thing...even though I know it's not good for me, it doesnt help me reach my goal, and I have done it before and swore I would never do it again".

True story.  I blame my mother. For no reason other than you can blame your mother for everything.  Freud said so.  Or I just made that up. Either way.

8.  This summer my parents will be married for 50 years.  Unless they kill each other first.  But if they have made it this far, I believe they can make it a few more months.  That's a long damn time!  And they live on a boat!  So it's not like they can even escape each other.

9.  Have I ever told you have extremely bossy I was as a child?  It's amazing I had friends.  I mean, when my friends and I would play Barbies, I would tell them what their barbies were supposed to say and do.  Good Lord.  And what's funny is I don't know how or when I evolved to NOT being bossy.  I will take charge if it's needed and I love to lead in a professional setting, but it's hard for me to be firm.  I want so desperately for people to like me that I can be the opposite of bossy.  Very strange.  Maybe I just need to break some barbies out at my next team meeting.  Probably not a good idea...since my Barbies were very sexual beings.  No place for that in my profession.  Damn it.

10.  Have I ever told you my plans for if I were to be single again (and I don't really plan on it), but I would just travel the nation, and then the world...staying with you people?  I mean, my readers.  I could come and visit each of your for a couple of days, and then just move on.  Like a lapband gypsy.  And we could eat oreos together, brush each others hair, and giggle.  Alas...it would be awesome.

Happy Tuesday friends!