Gracious Me

Look.  Here is the deal.  I apologize for not posting for the last two months, but it just so happens that I was sailing in the Black Sea and a group of Bosnia pirates boarded our ship and took me hostage and there was no Wi-Fi in the holding cell.

OKAY FINE.  I just made all of that up.  Why are you interrogating me?

What has really happened since my last post, the day before Valentines Day...where I put that perhaps my fill was too much...is...well it IS too much.  Here's the skinny.

It's been 3 weeks from this coming Wednesday since my fill.  I have had reflux a majority of the nights.  Sometimes it just lasts a few hours after I fall asleep, sometimes...like last night...it last ALL NIGHT.  When its really bad, I fall asleep, the acid shoots up and fills my mouth, and I feel like I am drowning.  I sit straight up in bed, coughing, gasping for hair.  Heather starts to rub my back, rub my chest, hold me...anything bc it makes her feel terrible (I love her).  Then I feel terrible for waking her up.  Last night was the worst so far, my throat is sore, my ears ache. 

BUT, before you start lecturing me, I did call my doctor's office last Monday to get in for an appointment for an unfill, but then I realized I would have to pay my $45 copay...and I don't have $45 for a co-pay...so I called back and said I would see if it got better.  Well, when I called today...the wonderful Mrs. Bettie answered and said "you just can't stand it can you?"  And I said "I admit defeat!  I am always preaching that you can't abuse your band and not expect anything bad to happen".  So I am going in for an unfill on Wednesday.

If there was no acid reflux at night, I probably wouldn't go in.  Although I will tell you guys, I no longer like being so restricted.  I enjoy that fact that I am never physically hungry, and right now at this point, each bite of solid food I take causes a pain in my chest so I dont really even want to eat....but I don't enjoy not being able to ENJOY my food or meals.  Eating out is awkward again bc it takes so long and I have to be super super careful with food choices.  Which is fine when I am with Heather, but a little weird depending on who we are dining with.  I don't want to give anyone the impression when we are eating with them that having a band means a)being in pain, b)being miserable c)always worrying about throwing up.  Because with proper restriction for me, I am NOT in pain, not miserable, and dont have to worry about throwing up (as much as I worry about it right now).

So there you have it.  AND...it's not even like I am loosing weight.  I weighed in at 170.2 this morning. SO...some of it needs to come out. 

It's settled.

So the long and short of it is....I havent blogged bc I know as good friends you would have lectured me, and told me I know better.

So I was avoiding!

Other than that, Bubba (our white bulldog) jumped on my dog Shelby (old pappy) and ripped a hole in his face Saturday night.  Its very deep.  I cried and cried.  Took him to the vet for an emergency visit yesterday morning...and they pumped him full of antibiotics and I have to bring him back tomorrow to see if he needs surgery.

Heather and I are doing well of course.  We went shopping last Saturday.  This was what I said I wanted for Valentines Day.  A day of shopping where I could spend my money without lectures on how I should be saving it.  (although in hindsight...saving $45 would have come in handy).  So I bought some new clothes I needed desperately for work, and some other fun stuff.

Heather's brother and his new lady friend came down this weekend and we went disc golfing.  On the course, they have a workout area...so we played around. 

 Heather, Corbin, Ashley

 My girl doing a pull-up.  Who smiles when doing a pull-up.  My face usually looks like I am making a grumpy...if you know what I mean.

And this is a shot of me.  Do you remember in elementary school when you would do this, and fling your body round and round, twirling on the pull-up bar?  Well, I thought I would do that now.  Turns out that #1.  Yes...I can do it.  But #2.  Twirling 170 pounds, anchored only by the back of your knee...hurts like a son of a bitch!  Sweet pearl necklace, I am bruised and have blood blisters on the back of my knee.  It's pretty awesome.  But at least for a few mere moments, I looked like a damn gymnast.

And that's what matters in life. 
You know what else matters in life?  Not getting your picture taken upside down and looking like this...

I look like a Lorax

But this one...this one I like...bc I look Happy. 

Things You Can Eat With Mondo Restriction

Dear Friends-

its time to gather on the rug for Story Time.  Thank you for those of you who have checked on me and to make sure I am alive after my Fill.  Although technically, you waited 5 days...so I could have died. 

Anyways.  I am over it.

But here is the scoop.  The first 3 nights I had reflux whilst sleeping.  It was nothing compared to that one time that I begged and begged Dr. Friedman for a big girl fill, only having to go back in a couple days later and admit I was wrong,  he was right, and get him to take out that extra .5ccs.

So I took some pepcid and have been reflux free the last couple of nights...unless I sleep on my stomach...but I just try NOT to do that. 

Now, things like soup are still a little slow going, but here is a list of things I consumed this weekend, in no particular order:

Taco Bell: Crunch Taco...in my car.  In less than 5 minutes.
                 Nachos...later that night.  Slower, and only ate half.  But still...

Brownies.  Man.  Those were good.  Chased with some milk.

Three cans of Pepsi.
A Snickers.
Peanut butter M & M's
Peach Cobbler with Ice Cream

And there you have it people.  Even with restriction, you can make poor choices.  And therefore, even after my 7.11 mile run on Saturday, my weight stayed the same (well went up .2 pounds). 

My girlfriend made me make the brownies.  She wanted the peach cobbler and ice cream.  She wanted the Taco Bell.  So...even living with a tiny tot personal trainer will not do it for me. 

Damn You food monster! 

I am good with it though.  No biggie in the grand scheme of things.

Okay.  On to my run on Saturday.  I wanted to run 7 miles.  I had completed a 6 mile run several times, and figured it was time to go a little farther.  I finished in 1:21:10.

And then.  I almost died.  I dont know if the cold air made my band tight, or what, but my protein shake didnt want to go down, my chest was aching (band related not heart attack), I didn't feel good.  It took about 2 hours to pass, and then I felt better.  I thought my body would be sore the next day, but only my quads felt a little tight.  I am not looking forward to that run again.  The 800 calories I burnt sure were nice though :)

Happy Monday friends.

I Wasn't Ready

Crap.  I may have to start eating like a bandster again.

I went and got my fill...and upon reporting that I can mow down a double cheesburger bun and all without getting stuck, Dr. Friedman said he was going to give me an "aggressive" fill.

It just took me an hour to eat my cream soup.

Sweet mambajamba...

The Most Intense Workout of My Life

Happened on Monday night.  And something else happened.  Something I never thought COULD happen.  I did this workout faster than Heather.  And she was impressed and even put in on Facebook that I kicked her butt.

It was a good day folks.  A good day.

So Heather loves Bob Harper (Biggest Loser).  He is on the cover of Men's Fitness this month, so I picked up the magazine.  Bob apparently is a Crossfit convert.  He thought he would hate it, that it was silly...etc etc.  But about a year ago he went with a friend and loves it.  So there was a little Crossfit routine in the magazine...named "The Bob"...and Heather decided that she would run me and a couple other girls though it on Monday night.  I wasn't that excited, bc the routine starts with 5 pull-ups...so immediately I though I was doomed.  But I put on my "yeah babe, I am pumped" face and headed over to the gym.  Now, we know that Beth is the Crossfit queen, but this little intro to it was AWESOME. 

Quite frankly, I always wanted to do crossfit bc they have gymnastic rings, and I think I AM a gymnast...anyways...no rings involved in this workout.  So here is it.  And you can do it at home.  All you need is something to pull up on and something to jump on.

The goal is to do five circuits of these exercises, nonstop, as fast as you can.

5 pull-ups (if you can't do 5, do what you can...and then start doing jumping pullups)
10 box jumps (we used old fashioned Jazzercise steps.  Mine was 4 steps up, Heathers was 8, some did 2)
15 burpees (basically a squat thrust with a jump)
20 push ups (but you rest on your chest at the bottom of the pushup and raise your hands up, then do another)
25 Walking Planks (plank position to start then down on your right elbow, left elbow, then up on your right arm, up on your left arm...that is one rep.

After you do all of that...you start over with the pull ups and complete the circuit 4 more times.

Let me tell you.  I thought the jumping would be hard.  It was actually like a break.  The burpees SUCK.  The pushups were not that bad, but those walking planks use your entire core and back.  I was a beast.  Just like when I run, I didnt want to stop for a break bc I thought I would never be able to restart.  So I kept going.  And bc the faster you do it, the faster you finish...I was charged.  I lapped my girlfriend.  I finished the entire thing in 29 minutes. 

I sweat when I workout...but usually just a drip drip.  There was a pool of water on my mat under my face.  So gross.  So cool.

We are going to keep doing it on Monday nights...the goal is to increase your own speed.  I will tell you it is motivating doing the same thing as all the other people...at the same time.  And it's so fast past.  We may go to an outdoor park that has pullup bars on Saturday and do the entire thing outside. 

Just wanted to share! 

Happy Humping (it's Wednesday dudes)

From The Depths Of My Mind

As we have previously discussed, usually every month, for a couple of days, I enter the:

DARK ZONE

This zone is characterized by general feelings of sadness, heightened emotions, increased sensitivity (not physically like in my nips or anything), and an overall bleak-who cares because we all are going to die one day-attitude.

The Dark Zone does not seemingly correspond with my period.  It is not PMS.  I am not sure why or what brings it on...but just like an old friend from high school that stalks you on Facebook...it finds me.  And when I am in IT, I know it...and I know it will pass.

And when IT does pass, I am like freaking Yoda on the other side.  I know things.  I can give advice.  I think I have all the answers.

And then I go on Pinterest and start saving quotes.

And then I become dangerous.

Here is one: 

 "It's not that some people have willpower and some don't.  It's that some people are ready to change and others are not".- James Gordon

You see...I still don't know what to tell people when they ask me why the band worked for me and why it doesnt work for some.  But I think it comes right down to the fact that I was just ready.  I know there is no science to it...no concrete answer.  I was ready to make a change.  I wanted it just enough that I found ways to do it.  I built the support system.  I said I was going to, and eventually said it to enough people...that I did it.

Everything aligned.  It's not about wanting it BAD enough.  It's not about WILLPOWER.  It's not about having the right DOCTOR, the right PARTNER, MONEY, JOB, TIME.  It's not about just one of those things.  It's about all of those things in partnership.

Sometimes I make things to complicated.  When I am in the Dark Zone, I can't really (or choose not to) rationalize things.  I am very irrational in fact in the Dark Zone. So this is a reminder:

"I think we like to complicate things when it is really quite simple; find what it is that makes you happy and who it is that makes you happy and you're set. Promise."

My own insecurities are my downfall.  I doubt my worth in the Dark Zone.  I am not good enough.  Everything I do...I do it wrong.  At this point, I hear that voice in my head that says "Amy you are being silly." But I shut that voice up and keep wallering in self pity.

The funny thing about my internal voice that beats me down and tells me I am worthless...is that I have no idea why it is there.  If I were to sprawl out on a couch and have a therapy session with you...I just don't know where it came from.  My parents always were and still are "Amy encouragers".  They always supported my dreams, they always believed in me.  No one in my life ever really put me down...except my brother...but that was just because I was his arch enemy for several decades.  In fact, the only person that I can think of who really held me back...was me.  Thankfully that version of me didn't ever really have enough power to hold me back...but at times...it tried.

So in these awesome days where the Dark Zone is far far away, I try to tell myself over and over some very important tips...just in hopes that when Dark Time returns...I have a recollection of my otherwise positive attitude.  And this is from me:

Life is what you make it.  I cannot control what life throws at me, but I can control how I react to it.
I can make excuses, or harness that energy into action.
I have a kind heart and a brain that functions.  And although I am sometimes a little too emotional, it is my emotions that let me connect to others, which I believe is my greatest gift.
I have a body that works for me.  I am in the best shape of my life.  I may not be tiny, but I am strong.
I have a partner who makes me a better person.  Who loves me for me.  Who puts up with my mood swings, tears, hyperactivity, bad singing, and belching. 
There is no such thing as the perfect person.  This applies to me, and to the people I love.
If you waste time thinking about all the bad that "could" happen...it eventually will. 
If you spend time thinking about all the good that "could" happen...it eventually will.  So I have a choice. I choose the latter.

Happy Tuesday bumblebees.  Let's go pollinate.

Monday Monday

Greetings friends.

I hope your Monday finds you well.  A couple of things to chat about this morning:

Numero Uno:  I ran yesterday.  Woke up ready to go. Have some new cute running shoes (I still buy my shoes based on whether or not they are cute...instead of whether or not they are good running shoes...DAMN ME). Anyways...my cute purple running shoes and my good attitude produced a really good run.  I ran 6.02 miles, but at a much faster pace then I have been running.  Usually, my average pace is in the 12 minute mark, but I maintained...and stayed below...the 11 minute mark for most the run.  My pretty purple shoes did give me some awesome blisters though.  Such sacrifice.

Number Dos:  The scale reported 171.4 this morning.  Down from that alarming 176.4 last week.  I totally thought I would be back in the 160's by now (remember my goal is 150 by May 1st).  But I am keeping on keeping on.  I know you dig.

Numero Tres:  My workout plan for this week looks like this. 

Monday:  Circuit at noon and 2 mile warm-up run followed by circuit again at 515
Tuesday: Circuit at 630am and then Zumba at 515 (I am kinda over Zumba, but peer pressure has me going)
Wednesday:  Bootcamp Ab/Cardio at 630am, Circuit at noon
Thursday:  Circuit at 630am
Friday:  Run
Saturday:  Off
Sunday: Run

There is a possibility if Heather works on Saturday I may go to hot yoga.  But that's my plan.

Numero Four:  Today I will be starting incorporating protein shakes into my day.  I am having it for lunch today bc I want to get my protein in right after weights.  Now, I have done protein shakes before...mostly in post op and pre op, but this time I am blending them myself and I am using Whey protein.  So today we will be trying one scoop of Whey (100 calories), one cup of skim milk (90 calories), and blueberries.  That's a little low in calories for a meal, so I may try adding greek yogurt tomorrow...which will also increase the protein.  I am not really doing this for a calorie control sort of thing, but I am trying to focus on more protein and cleaner meals.  We will see if I like it.  If it tastes like crap-ola...I may have to try shaking it up.  HA!  That was a pun and I didnt even know it was coming.  POW POW

Numero Five:  On my run yesterday, even though it was only 830 in the morning, I swear that someone was grilling hot dogs.  And it made me run faster...only because I was afraid I was about to veer off course to find that house and eat breakfast with them.  Uninvited.

And Numero Lasto:  I have my three year check up appointment with the wonderful Dr. Friedman on Wednesday.

xoxo

Greetings Month Of February

I want a pet groundhog.  They are just precious.  Or maybe a pet sea otter.  Or beaver.  I know...I know.  Some of you are thinking of clever beaver jokes this very moment.

Anyways, January is one for the record books.  I don't know what that really  means, but I just mean to imply that it is over.  And since January 1, I have been doing a pretty good job of staying on track, upping the cardio, counting the calories, blogging, water drinking, and the such.  Funny though...bc THE MU&%*&#%ing scale read 176.4 on Monday.  Good times.  That means that the official result of all my hard work is less than 5 pounds.

Not to worry though munchkins. The scale read 170 this morning, but I have just decided the scale is a liar and although I will continue to listen to those lies on a daily basis...I take them with a grain of salt.  Or sugar.  Sugar sounds better. 

But...in all honesty.  I know I am doing the right thing.  And I FEEL better about myself.  And I LOOK a little better.  And regardless of the scale, I am moving in the right direction.  So I will keep on keeping on. 

The only thing I am going to change is that over the month of January I cut back on my weight training and upped my cardio.  I am going to keep on running, but I am going to stop cutting back on weight lifting.  It didnt seem to make a difference...and you know mama likes her iron.  Yum yum.

Had my blood taken today for my 3 year check up visit next week.  13 vials of blood is fun times!  I look forward to seeing if everything is better that I take my vitamins on a more regular basis. 

So happy Thursday love pumpkins. 

Fight the good fight.