Can You Tie Them In A Knot
Can You Tie Them In A Bow?
If you can answer yes to the above children's song altered to speak to many a weight loss patient, then it may be time to consider...
A Boob Job
Friday I finally called and made a consultation for plastic surgery. Amy Workman may be getting plastic surgery. I can't wait for that to show up in a google search.
Let's rewind. Let's begin from the beginning.
My grandma Roether had big boobies. She was a big lady. My mom never had big boobies, even when she was a bigger lady. My boobies were always pretty big. But I was always bigger. I owned several DD creations in my time. I would say though, on average, I was a D. My cup sometimes spilleth over. Even before losing weight though, my girls were heading south. I actually don't remember a perky stage, although certainly there had to be one. I DO recall watching Whoopie Goldberg once, and she had some joke about how you knew your boobs were saggy when you could put a pencil underneath one, let go, lift your hands in the air, and the pencil would remain right where you left it. Under your saggy old lady tits. I had to be in my teens.
But when I started losing weight after lapband, I didnt think I would ever get plastic surgery. I have always had a little negative connotation to the falsies. My judgement doesn't carry over to others...but only pertains to me. I sort of have the same feeling towards fake nails. When someone says "Hey, nice nails"...they aren't really complimenting YOUR nails. They are complimenting your plastic nails. You did not grow them. You did not nuture them. You bought them.
Same holds true to fake boobs. They would never be "mine". Here is a better example. If someone compliments my arms, or my back muscles...well I worked hard for those. I put in time and sacrificed for those. They are mine. I grew them from little acorns. I try to recognize that I get highlights in my hair. And if someone says they love my hair, well I take that damn praise...so what's the difference? I don't know if there is.
But after losing this weight, my boobs are no longer boobs. For those of you who have been with this little blog for years, you know that long ago my boobs became knee high socks with ping pong balls in the end. You know that when I am clothed, one may believe I actually have boobs. But hiding underneath my cute fitted tee is the terrible truth...skin just pooled in a C cup.
Heather loves my non-boobies. She likes hunting for my nipples that are hiding in my arm pits. She likes to swat at the girls as they sway back and forth. She finds me, and the chi-chi's beautiful. I on the other hand, get distracted by them. I am a naked person. I like to walk around topless. Not at Taco Bell or Target, but at home...clothes are restrictive. But it's dangerous. I can't cook bacon with these girls flinging abouts. I can't bake cookies. I might shut one in the oven. I have to hold them when I brush my teeth. I have to hold them when I bend over to pet our pigs. I am always aware of them.
Our friend from work recently had a tummy tuck and boob job. She is our age, had gastric 10 years ago, and now weighs around 130. She has shared her pictures and kept me updated over the last 3 weeks. It's funny how open she is with her pictures. We are not besties, and she works out with Heather more than I do, so when she first sent me a full frontal pre-op and one week post-op, I thought it was pretty awesome. I also understood how she could do that. For her, and for me, and maybe for you...our bodies after this weight loss don't really feel like our bodies. Take a picture of our torso, and omit our heads, you are looking at the body of an 80 year old. There is a disconnect. But it was her openness and honesty that made me finally pick up the damn phone and call for a consult.
Because here is the truth. I joke so much, with anyone who will listen, about the state of my body underneath my clothes. But it makes me so sad. If I really give myself time to contemplate my boobs and stomach, I immediately tear up. It's hateful. And hurtful. And can make me so angry. I work pretty hard for my body. But no amount of work can fix decades of being fat. And that is disheartening.
So, by making a call and going to an appointment, I am allowing myself to hope. And that is scary. Because what if I can't afford it? I can barely afford the consultation fee of $100. What if he tells me everything he can do and I can't get it done? I will be heartbroken.
But I am going. And Heather says we will make it happen one way or another. I love her,
But let's get to my other fears.
What if I get my boobs done and they are huge and I hate them? I don't want big huge Pamela Anderson knockers. What if I get boobs and a tummy tuck and can't work out for weeks and weeks and I lose all my muscle (I GET that I may be exaggerating just a smidge). What if Heather hates them? What if people judge me?
But there is good news for you guys. If I am going to do this, you will get full coverage. You will see pictures. You will know what it feels like (from my perspective). You will get to hold my hand and send my presents or pain killers.
Tomorrow friends. Tomorrow.
Shit...I almost broke out into a song from Annie.
Until then. Hugs, kisses, and motorboats.