Did I Ever Tell You...

...about the time I was anorexic for a day? Not really an entire day...more like 4 hours or so.  I was in elementary school, probably 4thish grade.  I remember watching an after school special or something about a girl who had an eating disorder, and she did crunches and sit ups all night long and just ate saltine crackers for her meals.  So I packed a little baggy of saltine crackers and went to school with a plan. 

Fail.

I don't remember exactly what happened, but I probably ate those crackers, took myself and my dry mouth to the water fountain, and then dug out the twinkie from my backpack I had been hoarding. 

I don't understand how people don't eat.  I don't understand dieters!  I have apparently forgotten how to lose weight.  Seriously.

But not I havent forgotten EVERYTHING.

I seem to remember how to gain weight with ease my friends.  Somehow, in this last week, I have gained 8 pounds.  I mean...come on?  Do you know what I saw on the scale this morning.  189.8.

Shut your dirty mouth.  (said to the universe, not to you)

Listen dudes.  I don't exactly know what happened.  Perhaps with my period a few days off I am bloated with 20 or so extra pounds?  But whatever your freakout weight is, anything close to 190, which is close to a plane ticket out of Onederland...if MY freakout weight.

Un problemo es I feel like a deer in the headlights.  Like.  I am staring at the car coming to hit  me, and I can't move.

That's why I posted that little quote up there at the top.  It is so true my friends.  So true.  I workout a lot.  I run more than ever.  I strength train. 

I gain weight. 

And it's because I don't make good food choices.  I just do not do it any more.  And Lord knows I must have made good choices during my losing first year, and even in my second year...But as I creep closer to my 4 year banded mark...

Mama better check herself before she wreck herself.

You dig?

Do you know what I ate 2 of?  Not at once, but two days back to back?  This big guy right here...

Sweet mammajamma.  That is the BK original chicken sandwich...and I havent eaten one since before being banded...bc if you can't eat it with the bread...then what's the point.  I mean, it's a fabulous blend of imitation chicken and warm mayonnaise.   I mean I ate that sucker, bread and all.  DEEE-LISH-US.  Who could ask for more?

ME ME

I want more. 

But alas.

Freak out weight says no.

So I TRY to think to myself how I managed to do it before.  Besides having my band tighter...how did I do it?  Blogging, have set goals, wanting to be a rockstar, changing sizes, getting into weight territory I hadn't seen...EVER....those were some of my motivators.

But the "how".  I know I drank water for realz.  I had my special bottle and made a game of it.  I know that on a regular basis I made more positive choices than bad negative choices.  But I just don't know.  Maybe because is was new and fun?  And now, nearly 4 years later, it's just life?

And let us be honest.

Healthy food sometimes tastes like ass.

Not like I have ever tasted ass...

Well there was that one time in college...

Just kidding...

It was WAY after college...

So yes yes YES I know what I need to do I guess.  Blah.  And today is Monday...and everyone knows Monday is the official start day of every "new way of life"...So today I am consuming water.  I am having a protein shake for breakfast every morning.  Bringing my lunch every day.  Healthy homemade meals for dinner, and trying to make the best choices in between. 

Happy Monday you little tasty critters!