Well, maybe two years...but still...this morning I saw 182 on the scale. Which I dont think I have seen in a couple of years. Funny thing is, my working out has been better than ever...but...
my eating has not.
And this is what I want to say. Lapbandgal posted on FB today (or yesterday) about how you handle Food Pushers. You know, those people that want you to eat, bring bad food into the office or house, say things like "ah, you can enjoy a little bit"...
And I told her that my biggest food pusher...
Is ME.
I dont really have anyone in my life that tries to push food or bad choices on me. I bring them on myself. And this will ALWAYS be my battle. It will be my fight to fight. Somehow along the way (probably much thanks goes to my hardcore girlfriend) I actually have incorporated working out into my EVERYday life. I think about it. I schedule my days around it sometimes. I push myself.
But my addiction to food has not changed in the three years I have had the band. It just hasnt. Whether it is head hunger or actual hunger, I still think about, crave, and sometimes for weeks at a time, indulge in food that I think I want. Sometimes I actually find myself eating when I am not even in the mood! I just am eating.
I hesitated to share this. The re entrance to the 180's. It scared me enough to get back a little on track. So that's good. I would rather hover around 169-172. Mama ain't happy at 182. But I am still not ready to fully commit to eating healthy. I want to pout like a 2 year-old and say I DONT WANNA QUIT EATING CHOCOLATE! But I will get there...get back to more positive choices than negative.
Just know we can. You can. I have. I will. You will. If you choose. It's a new day everyday. It really is within our power. No one else can make us choose right, or make us choose health....we have to make that decision every day. And some days we won't make the right choice. But there is always tomorrow I guess. Always the next hour, the next minute.
xoxo. Here is to fighting the good fight. Every day. Here is to winning more battles than losing. Here's to owning up to our failures and to celebrating our accomplishments.
Yours-Amy
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
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I struggle with the same thing every. single. day. I always keep saying to myself as long as I let the skinny person inside of me win 6 days a week, the fat girl can have one day. Although, that's way easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing... even though you're going through a tough time, it reminds me that I am not going to figure it out overnight. I'm only 5 months out and doing okay, but I still eat crap (and lie about it to my nurse, uh oh!). But I'm making progress and that's all I can hope for. But you know what? You're such an inspiration. Seriously. Your blog showed me that you can be a little neurotic and still succeed..! I googled success stories for lapband about a year and a half ago... your blog came up. I started reading and was hooked (I think I've read every one of your posts). And your blog comforted me, inspired me, and showed me it could be done. I hope to be as successful as you-- even with the continuing challenges! You ARE fighting the good fight- and showing others (ME) how!
ReplyDeleteIm fighting with you...up to 180 eek!!!
ReplyDeleteI am having a spoon pushing problem too.
xxxooo
I know just what u mean.
ReplyDeleteI do like the 6 days of journaling food and taking one day off each week. I can't go hog wild but don't feel like the battle is quite as difficult that way.
This post tore me up. What you are sharing is my biggest fear about being banded...will I fail at this too? For what it is worth, you have done really well! Don't lose sight of that.
ReplyDeleteHang in there...see ya soon :-)
ReplyDeleteI really love reading your posts. It makes me see that even a superstar like you has struggles and deals with the addiction everyday. It is a fight that I hope to win, but you remind me that the war is ongoing, and tomorrow will bring another battle. I will remember that when my battlefield is littered with candy wrappers and cookie crumbs. I will prepare myself better for tomorrow's battle because of you. BTW, your friendship and support is my armor that I take into battle with me. XOXO, *M*
ReplyDeleteI'm so with you right now! Hang in there. Every small victory builds to success!
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting the good and the bad, I think it’s all those perfect little people out there that make us feel more like failures and just knowing that you don’t have to be perfect to still succeed make this journey more easier, I know you will get back on track we are all pulling for your.....so in the name of ol’ye Amy I deny all chocolate until thee month of May approaches.
ReplyDeleteI loves me some chocolate too but I was never as big a fan before the band.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are back in action! The only advice I can give you is to get on the scale every morning and take it one day at a time. You are a superhero -- and it's only 10 pounds. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post. I have yet to get my lapband (I'm scheduled for the first of June) but reading this post reminded me that the lapband is NOT THE solution. I will still have to work at it and work at it daily. THANKS for all of your inspiration and advice!
ReplyDeleteYou may think you mess up all the time, but all I see is someone who keeps fighting and refuses to give up on herself. You deal with food addiction like MOST of us do and you are so willing to talk about it and face it. Thank you for that because it REALLY helps me!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAlso I just have to say I love your attitude, think you are hilarious, love your photos.... and PS you are HAWT and Heather is a lucky lady!
Your post is perfect timing as I am struggling big time (and making excuses). My weight has crept up and I wasn't even near goal yet.....I am actually glad to hear that there are others that have had band for over 2 years and are still going through the food addiction (not that I want us to all struggle, just that I am not the only one that feels it)......thanks Amy!xx
ReplyDeleteI'm with you sister friend! I just saw my 'highest' in recent history and ran in for an adjustment... may even get a little more if this doesn't do it.
ReplyDeletePerhaps it is time to go back and have another visit with your band doc to help... remember: you don't have to do this by yourself.
You ROCK the exercise/ fitness part of things (if only all of us could have a girlfrend who was a goddang trainer. Sheesh...but you are doing the work.)
Now all you (and I-- no pot calling kettle black here) need to do is get the eating back on track-- and YOU CAN DO IT.