Once Upon A Time...In the Land of Cheese and Sunkist

Greetings Month Of February

2012-02-02T11:26:00.000-06:00

I want a pet groundhog. They are just precious. Or maybe a pet sea otter. Or beaver. I know...I know. Some of you are thinking of clever beaver jokes this very moment.

Anyways, January is one for the record books. I don't know what that really means, but I just mean to imply that it is over. And since January 1, I have been doing a pretty good job of staying on track, upping the cardio, counting the calories, blogging, water drinking, and the such. Funny though...bc THE MU&%*&#%ing scale read 176.4 on Monday. Good times. That means that the official result of all my hard work is less than 5 pounds.

Not to worry though munchkins. The scale read 170 this morning, but I have just decided the scale is a liar and although I will continue to listen to those lies on a daily basis...I take them with a grain of salt. Or sugar. Sugar sounds better.

But...in all honesty. I know I am doing the right thing. And I FEEL better about myself. And I LOOK a little better. And regardless of the scale, I am moving in the right direction. So I will keep on keeping on.

The only thing I am going to change is that over the month of January I cut back on my weight training and upped my cardio. I am going to keep on running, but I am going to stop cutting back on weight lifting. It didnt seem to make a difference...and you know mama likes her iron. Yum yum.

Had my blood taken today for my 3 year check up visit next week. 13 vials of blood is fun times! I look forward to seeing if everything is better that I take my vitamins on a more regular basis.

So happy Thursday love pumpkins.

Fight the good fight.

3 Years Ago...I Got Naked For A Good Looking Man

2012-01-26T19:04:00.000-06:00

His name was Dr. Jeffrey Friedman and as a lady, I will report that it was for a surgery that would change my life. I have been banded for three years (once the clock strikes midnight...or I guess if you want to be technical...sometime around 10ish am tomorrow). I thought I would go back to my 1 year post-op report, and my two year post-op, and alas...I didn't do one my second year! So here is what I wrote when I was just one year out...120 pounds...so still chillin around 210 pounds on Mr. Scale. I am going to write any additional comments in BOLD!

THE One Year Post-Please Pull Up A Chair

In the name of reflecting on a year gone by, I have been working on this Bandiversary post. It is a mumble jumble of some of my thoughts, tips, rules (non-rules), and lessons learned since Tina the Wonderband took up residence in my body. This year has flown by and brought me so many wonderful presents, people, and experiences. I don't have all the answers...and our journeys, while on parallel paths in the same direction, can look very different. So here you go! Happy Reading!

All doctors, clinics, bandsters, and rules, are different. They just are. And I am not a slave to any of the rules. I see them more as guidelines and helpful tips. For example, I eat soup...a lot. Soup is a liquid and therefore, slides right down the old shoot. But I honestly feel rather satisfied with 2 cups of wonderful soup. I also now almost always choose soup if we go out to eat. I noticed this when we went to Lambert's for my mom's birthday. Lamberts did not have one soup option. I think I started ordering soup out as a rule after my October fill. It just became too risky to try solid food and a waste of money. And even though I can bring leftovers home, leftovers usually go to waste in our house. I just couldn't see spending $10 on something that I could only nibble at. It does not bother me, this soup fetish of mine. I can have a couple of bites of whatever Tracey gets and I am a cheap date. bahahahah...I order just about anything on the menu now...I can make almost anything work. But this is because I have less restriction now and have gotten crafty with my fork and knife.

Drinking with meals. This was not that hard for me to give up. At home, I just make sure that I don't have my water near me when I eat dinner. When we go out to eat, I drink about 4 cups of water before the meal comes. I drink right up to that point. I do not personally believe that water primes the band. Water goes right down people. It doesn't just sit there. For me, when I do try and be naughty (cookies and milk anyone?) drinking with my food either hurts OR gets me stuck. I drink all through a meal now. Before. Middle. End.

Some bandsters measure, weigh, or journal their food. All the time. I do not. I do measure snacks though. For example, if I am going to have some nuts, I measure whatever one serving size is and put it in a little baggy. This way I know what my calorie intake is for that snack. I do not do food journals, count carbs, or watch my fat intake. Those things, for me, are all part of DIETING. They give me horrible flashbacks and I find myself rocking in the corner with sounds of helicopters and gunfire in my head. They send me to a bad place. However, from time to time I have recommended online food journals to struggling bandsters who feel lost or out of control. Sometimes when we estimate our calories we forget things, round DOWN, or just lie! So it can be a useful tool. And whatever works for you is the way to go.
Fine! Since I am now living under the "its a diet if I can't eat whatever I want" philosophy, I have been tracking my food on my iphone.

The scale. Another rule I do not care for is the "scale rule". Even my wonderful Dr. Friedman told me not to weigh daily. I weigh myself every day, but only record the weight on Mondays. Mondays keep me motivated through the weekends. I do not freak out if my weight fluctuates during the week...I try to reserve such freakouts for Mondays alone. Your weight will go up and down. But weighing myself every day does keep me accountable for my actions. I go through periods where I weigh everyday, and then when I don't. I still think it is super important to help some (me) be accountable.

I eat better when I bring my lunch to work. While for dinner I can usually eat grilled chicken breast, some pork chop etc., leftover meat is a no-go for me anymore. It just gets too dry when I heat it in the microwave. This is one of the reasons I make soup and freeze it. But whatever you choose, make it something you can just grab...so you don't use the excuse "I didn't have anything". It is a rare, rare day when I eat fast food for lunch. And the only fast food I do eat is either chili from Wendy's or nuggets from Chick-fil-a. Still True.

I am thankful for an amazing doctor, who surrounds himself with amazing staff

I was a trooper through bandster hell. I stayed the course and did not go hog wild (pun intended) when I realized I could eat anything and everything. I was on my high from my preop diet weight loss. I knew what I had to do. Dr. Friedman told me upfront that the band does not work for everyone...that his biggest fear is that his patients won't lose weight. By God I was going to lose weight.

I listen for the real hunger. One of the most important lessons I have learned is when I really need to eat. How many times do we say "OH I am starving"? A lot. And are we really? No. So I took this phrase out of my vocabulary. I might say "I am hungry"....but that is different than starving. When you are fighting headhunger, try and stop and say "Am I really hungry?" If the answer is no, try to resist munching! Drink water instead! Do something. Of course I still snack sometimes whenI am not hungry, but at least when I DO, I am tsk tsking myself! LOL I am physically hungry A LOT now. Of course, some of that is due to less restriction, but now that I have started running...ironically...and somewhat sadly...it makes you SUPER FREAKIN HUNGRY!

I tell everyone about my surgery, if they ask. This will be a debate until the end of time...on Lapband Talk and on these blogs. There are just so many factors that go into making this decision, and I know that for everyone...their choice is their own. I don't think it ever occurred to me to hide it. For me, I tell because it can help others, because their is no shame in having weight loss surgery, because it can educate the ignorant, and because the truth shall set your free. I think about some of the ladies who have been banded because they have seen my progress. What if I had just told them I did it through watching what I eat and exercising (which is not a lie, but not the complete truth either). Would they feel like failures because "Amy did it the old fashioned way...why can't I?" Would they still be putting off the idea of surgery? I am proud of my choice and where I am today. You know ironically, I get the most negative comments about choosing WLS from fat people. Maybe bc the skinny people don't want to be politically incorrect? But as I think about it...yep...mostly my heavy "friends" are the ones who turn up their noses when I tell them about the band. But that's okay...I'll give them time. Still blabber to anyone who wants to know.

A year later, I still think of food all.the.time. This by no way means that I am hungry. In fact, the only time I feel real hunger anymore is in the morning before breakfast. I have read about those people who after being banded, food just became something they "had to do". I used to really hope for that day to come. Eh, it just might never happen for me. I did learn this year that there are actually people who do not think of food all the time. This was mind boggling to me...and still kinda is! Funny, but it seems that those people who do NOT think of food all the time are thin. Who would have thunk? Still True

There are foods I do miss...and they all involve bread. I miss peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches, hamburgers with buns, hot dogs with buns, cinnamon rolls, oh cinnamon rolls, Stuffing my face with cookies and chugging milk , pizza, Big Macs...It's a good thing I have the band huh? lol I havent tried a Big Mac in three years, but I can eat all of the things on this list now.

I set goals. Mini goals, about every 3 months along. I made these goals preband (for the first 6 months out at least). I have met every goal. Don't be afraid to set these mini-goals. Right them on your calendar, a post it note, on the fridge, or on the wall above the scale.

Exercise. I have yet to become an exercise fanatic. Right after surgery I started walking to get ready for my first 5k. Then we did bootcamp/interval training for awhile. Now we just do what sounds good. I play WiiFit once in awhile, we go walking, we are going back to bootcamp, Bandita and I did Zumba. Exercise is an area that I could improve on. Fall in love with your personal trainer and this shit will happen for you too!

Another rule that does not work for me: Not eating in front of the t.v., computer, while reading...etc. They say that when you eat you should be focused solely on your food. No distractions. They say this well help you eat slower and take smaller bites. This is not true for me. For example, when Tracey and I eat at the table, or with family...I tend to eat MUCH quicker. For several reasons. First, I feel a need to keep up. Second, have you ever adopted a dog or puppy that comes from living with lots of other dogs? They eat so quick bc they are afraid that someone else is going to get their kibble. Somewhere deep down I am still afraid of not enough kibble to go around. So, when Tracey and I sit on the couch with our tv trays...I eat much slower. When I am reading a magazine or surfing the net...I eat much slower. It gives me something to do, something to put my fork down and entertain myself with.

Things that have changed:

Where I shop.
What I eat.
How much I eat.
I cook more.
I try new and different foods (but that doesn't mean I like them all).
I can cross my legs.
My lower back pain, my pee sneezes, and shin splints...they are all gone.
The amount of people who read my blog.
The amount of blogs I read.
The amount of friends this blog has blessed me with.
My pant size.

My shoe size.

Things that haven't changed:

My self confidence.
My facial hair (still the same amount...I was hoping for less).
My attitude.
My complexion. I thought it would clear up a lot.
The way I see life.
My obsession with food.
My thirst for Sunkist.
The way I act with, towards, and around other people.
How many pictures I take.
How I wear my clothes.
My finances.
My job.
My dislike of a the majority of vegetables. I do like me some broccoli now.

Things I have learned:
Peanut butter cups and sunkist do not mix. Well, they do...but then they erupt out of your nose.
Eating a muffin in shame in a bathroom stall is not a high point of anyone's journey...but your blogger friends will love you even when you share the shameful moments.
You can walk a 5k at any weight. And most likely you will not be the last person to finish.
It is better to set a goal and not reach it then not set a goal at all.
Tweezers may come and go, but apparently whiskers are forever.
Life's journey is long. You better take snacks. (okay, I stole this one from a calendar).
I really do have bones in my body.
I cry happy tears in dressing rooms, and am also known to cry tears of frustration.
I always want more.
Poopies will never be the same. Good bye big girl poop. Hello chicken nugget poop. My big girl turds have come back. Just in case you were wondering!
I have no boundaries.
Just when you think it can't get any better....it does.

And finally, the biggie. Why was I able to lose 120 pounds in 12 months? Why Amy and not everybody? I have given a lot of thought to this question and I am not sure I have the answer.
If you think about it...I could have lost more. There are certainly bandsters out there who have done it (Mary for example) and others who are well on there way. I could have lost more by making the right choices, working out harder, etc. I did not have the perfect year. But that's okay! I personally think that for those of us who start at a higher weight, we can lose a little faster at the beginning....so you could say I had that going for me. There are the things I think are out of our control: Genetics, history, body shape. Even though I was 327, I was solid as an ox under all that fat. Perhaps my muscle mass helped in the beginning as well? There are two things that I think really made a difference in my weight loss. The first is this blog. This blog and all of you who have become part of my life helped to keep me accountable. When someone tells you that you are an "inspiration", it makes you want to keep inspiring! I didn't want to let anyone down. I knew that I would be honest with you guys. I shared the ups and downs. And seeing others make it into a new pant size, or run a 5k...inspires me. The second reason I have lost this weight is...Because I knew I could and I would. When Dr. Friedman told me that the band does not work for everyone, I made a choice that I would not be one of those people. I was not going to have a surgery just to "eat around the band". I wanted to be his star patient. I wanted to be the person on the commercials. I wanted to be a success story. And I wanted to be more than a statistic. Of course, all you have to do is read through my blog to know at times I had a few doubts and questions, but overall...I knew big things (and a smaller body) were possible. And you have to believe. I was at a great place in my life. I was at a good place mentally. It was just the right time.

So that's it! That's all that I could think of! I hope you made it through and I can't wait to see what this next year brings!

Thank you for everything.

Yours-

Amy

Happy Tuesday From Tampa Florida

2012-01-24T14:29:00.000-06:00

I flew down to Tampa yesterday to present at a conference this morning, and I had grand intentions of curling up in the hotel room last night, and penning (or keying) a wonderful blog post...since I would be alone and inspired.

However, the hotel charged for internet connection and my checking account does not authorize such ridiculous spending, regardless of how inspired I think I am.

SO, as I am awaiting my airplane to take me home (via the ATL...also known as the 6th gateway to hell), I thought I would touch base.

Diet and exercise is plugging right along. I ran another six miles on Friday morning. In the dark. It was pretty awesome. But I wanted to quit almost the entire time. It is pretty interesting how that worked. I couldnt figure out why I was having such a difficult time. Then I realized from about mile 2-3...I had been talking smack to myself. I was having this internal dialogue with myself, focusing on my pace (too slow), focusing on negative people and thinking evil ways to destroy them, etc. So I tried to clear my head, to focus on my breath, to focus on my running. And I made it. 6.2 miles without stopping.

Then I made it Tampa yesterday afternoon, presto chango-d into my running gear and set off to run. Our hotel was in a weird place, sandwiched between corporate buildings, busy roads, and parking lots. It took me awhile to find a sidewalk and I had to stop a lot at the busy intersections, but I started plugging along.

It was hot. Sweat was burning my eyes. I found myself in a neighborhood that was starting to get a little scurry. There were shopping carts in my way on the sidewalk...

so alas...

I turned around, running partially blind (sweat) back to the hotel. Only 3 miles. I was frustrated. But I guess it was better than the old Amy who probably would have piled up since I was unsupervised.

I did enjoy my meal last night. Which meant that it was paid for by the company that had recruited me to speak, and that I didnt worry to much about calories. I registered a 2 pound loss on the scale this week, bringing me to 172.2. I SO want to see 169.9 by Monday. We shall see.

Hugs and kisses. I am about to mount the friendly skies!

Pictures below from after my Friday morning run. Do not worry. I am not yet running in just a sportsbra...however I was on fire (like....temperature wise) and the shirt had to come off as soon as I entered the hizzie.

Until the next episode my sugarbums!

HumpDay

2012-01-18T08:18:00.000-06:00

It's Wednesday, January 18th, 2012.

Just in case you didn't know or happen to be writing a check and need to know the date.

You are welcome.

That is my gift to you for the day.

Well let us see. Nothing exciting has happened since last night's post. I appreciate all of your kind words and encouragement. I am sticking to my plan and not getting thrown off track.

The wonderful Vanessa asked the practical questions "How are your clothes fitting. How are you feeling?"

Damn it. I hate it when people are practical. But actually, they are fitting good. Maybe even a tad looser. And I FEEL good, minus the knee pain. But I feel healthy and fit.

SO FINE! I will buck up. But only a little. Just for you guys.

I am trying a little change up. The only thing I can figure is that maybe, even though I am using my calorie tracker and I am on track....maybe I am eating too many calories. Remember, it said I could eat 1445 a day. Which sounds good to me, and is in line with what I try to stick to any other time I am counting my calories. But on the day I went running for example, I burnt 750 calories...and you enter that into the app and it basically changes what you can eat for the day to 1445 + 750. So it tells me that I can eat up to 2,195 calories for the day. SO I did.

That's a lot of calories.

AND I KNOW you are saying well you went negative with the running so blah blah. But that's the only thing I can figure...

so I changed me "Activity level" on the app from moderately active during the day to lightly active...so now my new calorie goal is 1,148.

I no likey that so much. But we will give it a try for a little while.

kisses

I Drink Fat Juice

2012-01-17T20:56:00.000-06:00

After what can only be classified as an epic scale failure, I had decided to rename water. It's fat juice. That's the only way I can see it. Water must actually be high calorie lard.

After my 5.02 mile run on Saturday morning, I ran again yesterday morning. 6.2 miles...outside...without stopping once! I even took my UnderArmour shirt off and kept jogging the entire time (I had a tank on underneath, I do not believe I am ready to jog in a sports bra). Anywhoozit, it was awesome. I stepped on the scale today, ready to reap the rewards from running more in a weekend than almost ever in my life...

and yes...

the scale read 176.

Yes friends. That is UP almost 3 pounds from last Monday.

*&!^(*&%!(*&^kjalk;jaovnf wfe;n

Suck it scale. Eat my poop. And here is the deal...

I don't know what in the WORLD to blame it on. I have been pooping 3 times a day...so I can't use the old "maybe I have a warehouse full of shit in my pipes" excuse. I have been drinking water and peeing on cue...there there goes the "maybe I am retaining water" excuse. I have lifted lighter and upped the cardio....so no "muscle weighs more than fat" excuse.

MOTHEREFFER!

I even got me a little piece last night and everyone knows SEX MAKES YOU SKINNIER!

So. There we have it. The world is evil.

But do not worry. I haven't given up all hope (well I have actually), and I am keeping on. I have that even though water must be making me fat, I will continue to drink it. And even though there are skinny bitches out there that eat junk food and drink yummy grown up drinks all weekend yet are still skinnier than me, I shall not become bitter and jaded (I really already have).

I would say happy Tuesday. But I dont want to.

So here is a cup of fat juice to you.

It helps to wash down my bitter pill.

Until tomorrow...

Ames

I Run On Cold Hard Facts

2012-01-14T20:45:00.000-06:00

I dont really know what that means. But I ran this morning. Outside. And it was AWESOME! I have never run in the cold before...and by cold...I mean Florida cold...so around 34 degrees. I ran 5.02 miles and I could have ran more. I don't know if it was in my head or the cold kept me energized...but I actually enjoyed it. I want to do it again.

Tomorrow or Monday I may run 6 miles.

bahahahaha...that makes me giggle.

Happy Saturday loves!

Today I Am Grumpy.

2012-01-11T12:35:00.000-06:00

It all really started last night. Heather wanted a snack after dinner. And we were all out of her pudding I usually make her. So I said "you can have that Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich in the fridge" (it was the last one. The last one that I had been dreaming about all day).

I DIDNT THINK SHE WOULD ACTUALLY EAT IT! (and granted, she asked me about 8 times if I was SURE I didnt want it)

So she did eat it. And then afterwards said ,"That was not good. It tasted like dirt".

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME? I GAVE YOU A PIECE OF FROZEN ORGASM AND YOU DIDNT EVEN ENJOY IT?!?!

Of course, I didnt say this out loud...but from there on...it was down hill. I hated the dogs, I hated the tv, I still hated my ass.

I actually slept okay though...but then woke up hostile.

And it has continued.

SUCK IT WEDNESDAY! EAT ME.

Anyways, working the plan still. Circuit yesterday with an appetizer of a mile on the treadmill. Bootcamp this morning. Circuit in the morning tomorrow, and then a run sometime before Monday. Still not drinking my calories. Still drinking my water. Trying to eat a "clean" as possible. Little by little.

But don't be confused...this has not bolstered my spirits.

NO.

I HATE KITTENS...AND SUNSHINE...AND SWEET OLD PEOPLE.

the end.

My Soup Recipes

2012-01-10T13:14:00.000-06:00

Several of you have asked me for a couple of my soup recipes. Here are a few of my favorite!!

There are tons of tomato soup recipes out there, this is some version of one that I found and originally posted on January 6th, 2010. I use a handheld immersion blender (only like $30 and TOTALLY worth it).

Tomato Soup

2 cans (28 ounces each) of diced tomatoes
3 cups chicken broth
1/4 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped carrots
1 yellow onion chopped
2-3 cloves diced garlic
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Hot sauce
Pepper and salt
Additions to the old recipe I made this time:
Half a block of cream cheese
A package of feta crumbles

Open and drain both cans of tomatoes, reserving the juice for later. Spread tomatoes out on cookie sheet and season with salt and pepper (don't be afraid to be generous). Place in preheated oven (375) for 20 minutes. (the idea here is to give them a roasted flavor, but you can actually buy fire roasted...so you may be able to skip this step, unless of course you are using fresh tomatoes...which you could)

During that time, put a little olive oil, the onion, and the garlic in a dutch oven/big pot and sauté onions and garlic until tender (5-7 minutes). Add celery and carrots and continue to cook and sauté until they are tender (about 5-7 minutes). Add chicken broth and tomatoes (from the oven) and the tomato juice you set aside into pot. Add pepper and salt to taste. You can add a little garlic salt if you want. The recipe called for 4 drops of hot sauce, but I added a little more. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer, cover and cook for 20 minutes. Throw in the cubed cream cheese and mix until blended.

Use your hand held blender stick (immersion blender) to puree soup (you could transfer to a blender but that's no fun!) You will need to do this for sure, or your soup will not be the correct consistency.

Taste and season with salt, pepper, or hot sauce until you like it. Toss in the feta.

Even with the cream cheese and feta, if you can yield 6 -8 bowls, that brings the calories in around 200-220 per serving. Not too shabby.

Creamy Chicken Divan Soup

This is my favorite. It is so good. I have found that using a rotisserie chicken makes it much better.

Ingredients2 tablespoons butter
1 medium-size sweet onion, chopped
1 garlic clove, chopped
1/4 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper
1 (48-oz.) container chicken broth
2 (12-oz.) packages fresh broccoli florets (about 12 cups)
1 (8-oz.) package cream cheese, cut into cubes
4 cups chopped cooked chicken
1 (8-oz.) block sharp Cheddar cheese, shredded
Salt and pepper to taste

Preparation1. Melt butter in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat; add onion, and sauté 5 to 6 minutes or until tender. Add garlic and red pepper, and cook 2 minutes. Stir in chicken broth and broccoli. Cover and bring to a boil; reduce heat to medium, and cook 10 to 15 minutes or until broccoli is tender. Stir in cream cheese.

2. Process mixture with a handheld blender until smooth. Add chicken and shredded cheese. Cook, stirring occasionally, 5 minutes or until cheese is melted. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve immediately with almonds, if desired.

Note: If you don't have a handheld immersion blender, let mixture cool slightly; process mixture, in batches, in a regular blender until smooth, stopping to scrape down sides as needed. Return mixture to Dutch oven, and proceed as directed.

I actually stuck to the recipe (pretty much). I added more garlic then it called for, I used a liberal amount of ground black pepper, and I bought a rotisserie chicken and chopped it to bits.

Sometimes, if I am feeling really naughty, I throw in more of the sharp shredded cheese. I can usually make 7-8 to go containers of soup, around 325 calories each.

Creamy Black Bean Soup

1 medium onion, diced (watch your thumbs)
1 clove garlic, diced
1 tbls olive oil
3 can black beans, drained and rinsed
3-4 cups chicken broth
1 can Rotel
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin *
Lime juice

Saute onions and garlic in olive oil over medium/high heat for 4-6 minutes until tender. Add beans, broth, rotel, chili powder. Cover and bring to boil. Remove lid and reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Squirt in some lime juice. Puree with hand blender (or regular blender). Serve with cheese, sour cream, blue chips, etc!

Super low in calorie. You would need to check for exact count, but I get about 8 take to work containers out of it, at around 200-250 calories a serving (of course that is before anything I might add like cheese or sour cream).

Taco Soup

1 can whole kernel corn
1 can pinto beans
1 can chili beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can black beans (drained, rinsed)
1 can rotel
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can chicken broth
1 package Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning
2 packages Taco Seasoning
1 pound ground beef
1 onion, diced

Brown beef and onion. Put in big pot. Add everything else. Bring to boil, let simmer for at least an hour (you could make this in a crock pot also). All those beans add up to a good amount of sodium, but it makes A LOT, so you can put them in little bowls and freeze them for a take to work or quick lunch kinda thing!

You can really play with what kind of beans you use. I usually switch it up. This is fun to bring to work bc when you reheat it, it smells so so good!

White Bean Sweet Potato Chili-Crockpot

I am making this one tonight, and have not tried it...but I will let you know tomorrow. I found the recipe in my Oxygen magazine this month.

1 cup navy beans
1 yellow onion
3 cloves garlic
4 cups chicken broth
2 cans diced green chiles
2 sweet potatoes
1-1.5 diced chicken
1 tblsp cumin
1 tblsp oregano flakes
1 tsp cinnamon
2 cups chopped kale (I left this out bc I am scurrred)

Soak the navy beans overnight. Drain water and put at bottom of crockpot. Cover with about one cup chicken broth. Toss in the diced onion, diced garlic, cubed chicken breast, and cubed sweet potatoes. Pour in remaining broth. Stir in cumin, oregano, cinnamon, and green chiles. Salt and pepper.

Cook on low for 8 hours. 10 minutes before serving, mix in chopped kale (again...Amy no likey this idea).

If you yield 8 servings, that is 140 calories a serving! I figure even if we just get 4 BIG bowls, that's only 280 calories a serving. Not too shabby. Of course it may taste like caca....and then it won't be that cool.

Stay tuned.

The containers I use for my soup:

They are ziploc twist tops. They are awesome and heat in the microwave nicely. They measure 2 cups.

Some bandsters may not want to do soups, depending on what level of restriction you are at. The creamy soups theoretically will not satisfy your physical hunger for long bc they will move through your band quicker than say a solid. But some of the soups, like the taco, the sweet potato, or even the creamy chicken divan...can be chunky. I find them very satisfying. And it is SO nice to be able to freeze them so I can just grab and go. That way I have no excuses for not bringing my lunch.

Mission Accomplished and Today I Hate My Ass

2012-01-10T08:30:00.000-06:00

Last night I took myself to the treadmill. And I did it. 4.5mph (which is a 13:20 pace) for 3.5 miles...no stopping. No deviating. And it wasn't that bad. I could have gone farther physically but my brain said "Okay dude. You did what you said you were going to do. You are dismissed".

It felt good though. My knees didn't feel so good. But it's part of it I suppose. Running is terrible for your body. Good for your heart...bad for your joints. But we try anyways don't we.

I can say that there is not a day that goes by that something isnt sore on me. Sometimes its that good sore from DOMS, or lifting, or working muscles in a different ways, other days it's achy joints, pulled muscles...you can have your pick. I would say it's because I was fat for so long, but Heather is sore all the time too...and she hasn't been fat a day in her life. I could say it's because I am getting older...and hell...there may be some truth to that....but I am only 32....that's not THAT old. I think it's just from working your body. It's good for you, but it does make an impact.

It can't really be an excuse though for NOT working out. When my neck was stiff and hurt to basically blink, I could still do lower body...so I focused on that. If you have bad knees, can't do lunges or squats or the such....you can focus on upper body and other lower body moves that don't cause such an impact or strain on your knees. You can work with what you got and what you can do.

Here is the thing about excuses.

Definition: A reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense.

I could say that when I eat bad it's because I work a weird schedule, or there is always food around, or...I am on my period. But for me, the truth is....I eat bad because it tastes so damn good and I am addicted to food and like to put it in my mouth.

I could say that I took a week off exercising around Christmas (bc Heather was off work and hence there were no actual classes) because Heather was off work and hence there were no actual classes...but the truth is...I could have done something...a dvd, a jog....I didn't want to. I didnt make time to work out because I didn't want too.

I know that there are valid reasons out there for not getting your ass to the gym. Some of you work 16 hour shifts, and then come home, barely have time to take care of yourself, and have to care for others. But for the majority of us, we usually find time....even if it's only an hour or two a week...to do things we like. Watch Grey's Anatomy, watch football, take a nap, read a book, go to the movies, go out to eat. If we want something bad enough, we find time.

It's hard to find time when we don't like it. But usually the time is there. It COULD have been done.

You dig?

Now, on to more important matters...I feel like a bloated cow today. For no good reasons other than the moth$#fu*&ing scale said 174. And I KNOW, that weight fluctuates, that when I weigh at 5am it's a little higher...BLAH! I want it to say YOU ARE SO SKINNY AND BEAUTIFUL.

Oh my God. I just had an idea. Someone needs to make a scale that gives us compliments. Or lies to us. Like, if we are up a pound from the last weigh in, it will say "No worries hot mama, just water weight".

Wouldn't that be great?

So I feel like my ass is fat. And it doesnt help I am wearing light grey slacks sans Spanx. Alas, I am just going to drink more water and pretend I am a super model...and stay away from mirrors.

Happy Tuesday!

Three Almost Totally Unrelated Thoughts

2012-01-09T15:52:00.000-06:00

1st. I just ate the best greek yogurt. I don't really usually enjoy yogurt because of the texture, and greek yogurt is usually even worse, but in my search for a healthier alternative to satisfy my sweet tooth, I picked these up the other day:

Yoplait Greek yogurt with fruit on the bottom and granola mixer. I almost licked the container clean. YUM-O. It has 230 calories, 12 grams of protein, and will hopefully fuel me during my run in a few minutes.

2nd. Have you ever stopped to think about how losing x number of pounds will feel on your body? Of course I think about how much better my body feels now, versus when I was hauling 327 pounds around on my 5'4" frame. But, it never occurred to me to think there may actually be a difference in me weighing 170 versus 150. What if there is? That would be awesome. We shall see.

3rd. When is the last time you felt at peace? Like, do you ever get this overwhelming sense of calm and peacefulness? I do. It usually only lasts a few minutes, and I am not sure if this will scream CO-DEPENDENT or not, but it usually comes when I glance at Heather....I could be in the kitchen and she could be on the couch...and all I see is the back of her head...but I know in those few beautiful fleeting seconds, that I am at peace. It is a wonderful feeling. I should learn to try and hold on to it for longer periods of times. And it's so hard to explain...it is certainly nothing I have experienced before...but it's this calm...no anxiety....no need to change...just this feeling that I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do. I was wondering if a majority of others felt this from time to time. I sure hope so.

Off to run babycakes!

xoxo

Monday's and Food Coma's

2012-01-09T12:17:00.000-06:00

Presently, I am in a food coma...but through the haze brought on by my homemade tomato soup and lack of caffeine, I have managed to drag my comatose body to the keyboard to say hello.

HELLO FRIENDS.

And for those of us who work the Monday-Friday grind, we begin again. As today is my weigh-in day, I weighed 173.2 this morning...which is a loss from Jan. 1 of...crap...I can do math...6.8 pounds.

I shall take you 6.8 pounds and we shall dance a jig. Although I really want out of the 170's again dudes. Hopefully by next week, although that might be a tad of a stretch.

Today I am running after work. I think I will set my goal for a 4.5 mph pace, for 3.5 miles. I know I can do it...I just tend to like to quit after 3 miles saying "that's good enough for today". Well, it isn't good enough okay AMY? I need to keep pushing a little bit each week.

On a side note, I picked up a box of nerds (one of those tiny ones) from my coworkers desk today...not because I really even like them, but I was in a snacky mood...and I ate them. I figured...eh...30 or 40 calories. Then, AFTER I ate them, I went to log my calories...60 flippin calories! For that. Blah.

Love ya's!

Weekend Winddown

2012-01-08T17:37:00.000-06:00

Man, I could not think of a catchy blog title! I am sitting her cross legged on my couch, enjoy my first diet sunkist of the day. 99 ounces of water in, I cracked open a cold one. Oooh, it burns me so good.

One of the things that I find different about using the dailyplate/livestrong app for tracking my food is that it doesn't just go off a set number of calories that YOU want to eat a day. After you put in your height, weight, normal info, it asks you how much you would like to lose per week. I have selected 2 pounds. Then, it takes in account of what you say is your normal activity level for a normal day and it generates a goal. Mine is 1,445. In other words, I can eat 1,445 calories a day and lose 2 pounds a week. Then you can click on the little circles add food or your exercising (only 150 for me today thanks to disc golfing).

It's nice. And I have stuck to it so far (it's been nearly a week...golf claps).

I didn't eat breakfast as you can see (we woke up late and I was chugging water). Lunch was my homemade tomato soup, and dinner is yet to come. You will see that my snacks are leading the charge...due to the two skinny cow ice cream sandwiches I have consumed. Those bad mamma jammas are good!

I didnt have to workout this weekend thanks to already doing cardio 4 times and circuit 3. (my goal is cardio twice and circuit 3).

I am feeling good and staying on track. Historically though, we know I do well for two weeks...and then...well...mommy strays.

I have bought a variety of different things to snack on when and if I feel like I need something sweet. Strawberry applesauce, pear chunks in light syrup, apple and peanut butter, greek yogurt with fruit on the bottom and granola mixer. I also have been enjoying FUZE slenderize drinks (20 calories). I have one a day.

I have my lunches prepared for the week (tomato soup with feta). I have my snacks planned. I have my breakfasts. I got this. I got this. You got this? You do. I know it.

Why You HAVE To Workout

2012-01-06T09:36:00.000-06:00

There were a couple months at the beginning of my journey that I didnt really work out. Maybe somewhere around month 4 & 5. But ever since then, and for sure right after surgery...I have been doing SOMETHING that could be classified as a workout. In the beginning it was just walking, increasing the distance every week. Then it was bootcamp once or twice a week. Now, and for the last 2 years really, it has been a steady workout of resistance/weight training (circuit).

I was thinking last night about those of us "goalsters"...those of us who have reached our goals and are maintaining for the most part. I can't think of one bandster who has reached goal that has not adopted working out into their lives. Can you?

With other WLS, you may be able to reach goal without really working out too much...but I know that even with rapid weight loss, eventually you are going to have to start moving....at least to keep the weight off.

But more importantly, to make you body look good.

Even if you could reach your goal with the lapband without a day of exercise, I don't think it would be very pretty in the end. Think of rapid weight loss. We know that losing weight really fast means that most likely, it is taking some of our muscle mass with it. So you could end up skinny, but not fit. And our metabolisms are already so so jacked up. So if we lose muscle...that aint helping the situation. Why do have a different body composition or shape than others who might weigh the same or less than me (I get the:Wow, you don't look like you weigh 170 a lot). Its because my 170, or 178, or whatever...of course comes with some fat I could still stand to lose, but comes with a lot of muscle. I know that we are all different. Not everyone wants big ol' biceps, some people may enjoy the waif look. And that's cool. I dig. But if you want to get your extra off, keep your extra off, and have your remains work for you for the fullest...eventually, hopefully sooner than later...you are going to have to exercise on a regular basis.

And I can tell you, for me, it's never really fun. Like you will never hear me say "I LOVE WORKING OUT". But you will hear me say "I LOVE SEEING WHAT WORKING OUT HAS DONE FOR MY BODY".

And that's the hard part at first. When we have so much extra padding, sometimes it can take months...even close to a year...to see our hard work paying off. But once you get that taste, it pushes you. You just have to hold on through the "not seeing" part.

But if this girl can do it, you can do it.

Fighting the good fight. That's how we roll.

Where My Vitamins Live

2012-01-06T09:24:00.000-06:00

Can you see them there? Amongst the clutter? Right on the top of my laptop docking station at work live my vitamins. I house them in a little daily pill container. And I am currently on the longest streak in the nearly three years that I have been banded of taking my vitamins as I am supposed too. I load the container every Monday morning, and start taking them sometime after breakfast. On the weekends, I throw the container in my purse and take it home.

I am getting some blood work done for my upcoming 3 year check up, and I am anxious to see if the areas I was deficient in last year are better now.

Just wanted to share what works for me!

xoxo

Mommy Sipped The Hooch

2012-01-05T08:10:00.000-06:00

So a couple important updates.

I have made a new rule. If I drink at least 100 ounces of water, I can have one diet sunkist. There. So I had one last night, cold out of the fridge, a beautiful little can...and I drank that sucker in record time. It was beautiful.

BRUSSELS SPROUTS: Big news kids. They are NOT terrible. Thank you for all the suggestions. I went with Em's suggestion of a Rachel Ray recipe that calls for sauteing them with onions and then boiling them in a cup of chicken broth for 10 minutes (check the comments section from yesterday for the link). Of course, I didnt use the bacon bc Heather doesnt really enjoy bacon (she's not right). I went the boil route bc I like my veggies mushier rather than crispier. It helps me. So out they came. They didnt make the house stink at all, probably bc of the onions and chicken broth. I may have used too much salt...but oh well. Heather loved them. I believe her exact words were "that shit is good babe". I didnt love them like I love broccoli, but I believe I can come to actually like them. They will definitely be added to our veggie rotation.

Along with our Brussels sprouts, we had about 4 ounces of chicken breast and a side of whole wheat cous cous that I mixed with halved grape tomatoes and feta cheese. I really really enjoy cous cous.

I hadnt hopped on the scale since Monday, and Monday is was 178.2...and I wanted to see 175. I don't know WHY people, but that's what I had in my head...because you know when you start working out you instantly feel thinner? Anyways, I saw 177.2. Blah. Fine. So I ran before circuit this morning. 2 miles/26 minutes. Then I circuited for 45 minutes. Total calorie burn of 610 calories. Thank you heart rate monitor. I will take that.

For breakfast I hate half an Atkins bar and drank a cup of milk. For lunch I am having my creamy black bean soup (low in calorie and pretty tasty), and if I get hungry for snack I have an apple and peanut butter or some strawberry applesauce.

I am 33 ounces of water in and plan on getting my 100. For no other reason than I can consume a pop. Ooooh...if I drink 200 ounces can I have 2 pops? I'm ON IT BUDDY!

Happy Thursday. Keep living the dream people.

I Like Pretty Things

2012-01-04T10:46:00.000-06:00

David B has been blowing my phone UP! He keeps calling...asking me out...and I say "NO DAVID BECKHAM. NO! I LOVE HEATHER". He just won't get the picture though.

But I am not kidding when I said I stared at this picture for at least 60 seconds, elbow on desk, head in palm, mouth slightly opened. He's pretty.

What's funny though, is if I just look at the midsection-above the package, or at the quads, below the package-I could mistake him for my girlfriend.

It's true. I live with a ridiculous peace of muscle. And during the winter, one may not be able to see what I am dealing with on a daily basis, but it's motivating. Not like I think for a moment that any amount of working out would make me resemble her body, but she has spent many years working on her muscles and their placement. For example, she has one of those butts. You know. Pokes out but sets high.

And this may have just turned into a Heather compliment fest, but I really had a point until I got distracted with Davie up there...

and of course the point is ME-focused. I have been working on my lower half with squats, lunges, and the such...as I have discussed before. And I am pretty sure that my quads AND my ass are getting bigger (not due to the few pounds I am up). And both of these things are good...but they are almost counterproductive to one of my lifelong wishes (since puberty anyways) that pants shopping was easy. Because my hips...well ladies and gentlemen, seem to be stuck in weight loss purgatory. Meaning...fat doesnt seem to ever leave them. And so now I am adding muscle bulk, not really trading that fat bulk...and holy Pepe jeans people...the fit of my slacks is getting weirder.

Sigh. A trade off I suppose.

Anyways, those are my thoughts. And one last thought about Heather. The girl was off work for practically 2 weeks, barely worked out, and ate and drank like the end of the world was right around the corner. She LOST weight. Mmmmhmmm...saw 121 on the scale. I almost stabbed her with my SonicCare the morning she skipped off the scale. But I would miss her too much.

Or at least her ass.

The end.

My Playlist

2012-01-04T09:30:00.000-06:00

It didnt show up for some of you, so here you go:

T.H.E (the hardest ever)-Will.I.AM (dirty version)
Break Stuff-Limp Biskit (dirty version)
Sugar-Kid Rock (again, dirty version)
So Hott-Kid Rock (dirty version)
Fish-Craig Campbell (country)
Nookie-Limp Biskit
Hell on Heels (country)
This is Why Im Hot-Mims (great reminder of why you are working out)
Stereo Hearts-Gym Class Heros
Work Out-Cole World J. Cole
You-Chris Young (country--might be too slow)
Pause Zumba Mix-Pitbull
Wobble-VIC
Walk This Way-Run DMC
Booty Wurk-Joey Galaxy
Shake Ya Tailfeather-Nellie
No. 1-Nellie
Sexy and I know it-LMFAO
Moves Like Jagger-Maroon 5
I do-Toya
Faded-Soul decision
Hurts so good-John Mellencamp
I wanna be bad-Willa Ford
Hit Em Up Style-Blu Cantrell

There you go kids!

My Quads Need A Sedative

2012-01-04T08:55:00.000-06:00

I am not sure why, but my run on Monday has made me very sore. Perhaps it was the wind, or just the added distance running outside, but I have run over 5 miles before on the treadmill and do not remember being hobbled.

Having to wear high heel shoes to work doesn't help. I could barely walk out of the gym today, make the 20 feet trek to my office, and throw myself in my chair. I thought someone would find me, laying in the parking lot, hugging my gym bag and whimpering.

We were supposed to do bootcamp this morning, which is a torturous 45 minutes cardio/ab thing Heather designed to break up the monotony of circuit....but no one showed up so I just ran on the treadmill. Did I say this the other day? Who knows. I find the lack of the soda hooch is sucking my brain power...but the number one reason running outside is better than running on the treadmill? You can't just stop when you are running outside. I mean you can STOP, but you have to run back...or else make a phone call for a pick up. But when you run outside, you have to run back. On the treadmill, when you want to quit...you can just hop off.

So I did. After 36 minutes and 2.72 miles. Damn...I should have just made it to 3 miles. But I did burn 400 calories. So score!

Tonight for dinner I will be trying a new vegetable called brussels sprouts. I am scared. They look very vegetable like. But last year I fell in love with broccoli, so anything is possible. I believe I will roast them the oven with salt, pepper, and olive oil. Any suggestions are welcome. Remember, the goal is to get me to like them.

Happy Wednesday my friends! Go forth and conquer!

Why Dieting is Like A Gfit From Santa

2012-01-03T13:13:00.000-06:00

It's NOT. IT'S NOT LIKE A GIFT AT ALL OKAY?!

And for those of you who want to tell me...."It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change"...I dont want to hear it okay?

I have decided that LIFE is a DIET. If we can't eat whatever we want whenever we want, than it's a damn diet.

AND IT MAKES ME CRANKY!

sigh

There. I feel better. But only a little. Only if we are measuring in sparrow farts. Tiny. That's tiny dude.

Can you tell it's day three of my detox from crap? Or shall we call it "Food Freedom". Oh how I miss thee Food Freedom. I havent had a drop of pop (soda if you insist on saying it wrong) since 11:59pm of the year 2011. I was thinking I would get through the withdrawal headaches, but they showed up last night. Bastards. And I ate 3/4 of an apple today because I read that apples are better than coffee at waking you up...and I don't drink coffee, so I cannot accurately compare, but I know they aren't as good as a nice cold can of POP!

DUDE!

This morning for breakfast I had half an Atkins bar and a cup of 2% milk. Then for a mid-morning snack I had some pear pieces in lite juice and my vitamins. After which, I took a big swig of water and then threw all that up. Awesome.

For lunch I had some peanut butter and mr. apple, and a soup to go.

jabckhvo;ivo;ernaoeb;ib*&@%*&^

tonight for dinner I will be enjoy an all beef frank, on one half a wheat bun, smothered in my chili with spicy mustard and cheese. Now that's tasty.

Full of sodium you say?

I say suck it.

Just kidding.

Well. Only a little.

Questions From The Un-banded

2012-01-02T12:16:00.000-06:00

I received a FB message from one of my coworkers, who I love because everytime we run into each other she says "You've lost more weight", and then I get to tell her that I am in fact getting fatter...and we argue briefly about how good I look.

But I digress...

She of course knows that I am banded, has found my blog, and asked me the following questions. And I thought I would answer them here for any of you newbies or those who are considering WLS.

I am really thinking that this is the route I want to go but I have so many fears... will I loose the weight, be able to resist the temptations, tone up?? How did you do it, and were you not scared?

I hesitate these days to tell someone that the band is the most amazing weight loss tool ever. Because even though for me, it certainly has been, over the past several years, I have seen those who succeed, those who don't, those who really want to but...for what ever reason...the band was not the right choice. But I do not hesitate to say that for me, making the choice to a) have weight loss surgery and b) going the route of the band versus other options, has been the best decision of my life. It has freed me. It has given me things I never thought were going to be possible. It has allowed me to live my life to the fullest-physically speaking anyways. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

But, medical issues aside (bc there are those in our fold who have had to have the band removed and chose other options) I know the band CAN work. But it only does about 50% fo the job. And maybe that's why it worked for me. Because I knew I could do HALF the work at least....just don't expect me to do 100%. (Heather says I like to do things half-assed. She may be on to something). Once Dr. Friedman told me that I could have the surgery and NOT lose any weight, I knew I wasn't going to be THAT girl. If I was going through with it, I was going through with it. And it helped Dr. Friedman was smokin' and I wanted to impress him.

And like I have said before, having a good doctor-regardless of hotness-but one that you trust, can work with, let's you get fills when you make the case for one, etc...can make you or break you even before you get started.

I don't really remember being scared. I remember being scared the day of surgery, just bc you get that fear that you may die :) But after that...I was good.

And the toning up thing. Well, that depends on SO many factors, but I believe that if you start working out and then actually start WEIGHT TRAINING, that over the years...it does start to look better. I have been lifting now regular for at least two years. And it's not THAT bad. You can't just lose the weight and THEN start toning. It will be too late. You can't just do cardio and expect your body to tone up. It's a mix. But you have to do it. And that can be one of the hardest things. Because the band doesnt help you work out. Damn it.

But regardless of what you choose, do your research. Be honest with yourself. But don't wait. Don't let your fears keep you from something that potentially could change your live for the better. The unknown doesnt have to be scary. It can be full of great things, new things, and the beginning of a new lease on life.

Hope that helps!

Running Against the Wind

2012-01-02T11:57:00.000-06:00

Part of my "new" exercise routine for this new year will be changing things up just a little...and sadly...for me...that means adding more cardio to my workout and possibly cutting back on my weight lifting just a tad. Instead of 4-6 sessions of weights a week, I am going to cut back to just 3 times a week, and add 2 sessions of cardio.

Mommy hates cardio. I've even grown to hate Zumba. I know. It's true. But, for ME to LOSE weight, I know I need to up my cardio and keep it consistent.

So this morning, I went for a run. I made my little playlist to go along with my Nike running gps app...which I have talked about before, but it is well worth the $2.99 to purchase it. I love that it tracks my route, I can play my playlist through it, it tracks my pace, shows a map, etc. I have tried other free apps in the past, and none are as accurate or user friendly.

Anywhoozle, I started running to Will.I.Am's new song...so I got a little excited out of the gate and thought I may have to start walking just 1 minute in. I made it though, without stopping, 3.13 miles...half of thosse against the wind. The wind is no joke my friends! I did pass this cute jogger man twice, and managed to say "This wind sucks" to him like I knew what I was talking about. My pace is slow, but it was steady. Upon entering the house I grabbed my water bottle and the bottle of IBprofen. My knees were really hurting for some reason this time...they usually dont bother me.

Hell. I am old.

But I am feeling good spirit wise. I feel like I can stay away from the diet hooch for the day, drink my water, make positive choices.

Here is my Nike GPS app for today:

I am also using Daily Plate/Livestrong app to track my calories. Heather uses it religiously, and I have used to from time to time. We pay for the $2 version...and they recently made it tons more user friendly. Here is the home page on my iphone app:

Some of the songs I have on my running playlist are:

Happy Monday folks. It seems like a lot of us bloggers are recommitting. Let's do this together.

The Holidays: Gifts That Keep On Giving

2012-01-01T20:57:00.000-06:00

Apparently, I am storing up for a long cold winter. Like a squirrel collecting nuts for a snowstorm that will never arrive, I have been packing on the pounds over the holidays. 10 pounds to be exact. And I have reached an all-time PB (post-band) high of 180 el-bees.

That's right.

180

It is official. Perhaps I can blame a residual counter gravity effect due to the winter solstice...but...probably not.

And seeing as how January 1st seems like a good place to begin....I shall begin again. I have been thinking about my plan of attack for several days now, mulling over my grand ideas and possible goals...whilst eating large amounts of ice cream and swigging Pepsi straight from the 2-liter bottle.

Here is what I've got. What worked for me during the first year of weight loss?

1. Goals
2. Blogging
3. Water consumption
4. Self-discipline
5. Proper Restriction

And as of late my friends, I really can't claim to have possessed any of the above 5 mention items.

So here is my goal.

By May 1st, that is five months from today, I will have lost...

wait for it....

wait for it...

30 pounds.

So I will weigh in at 150 on May 1st, 2012. Awesome.

Am I scared of not reaching this goal. Wellllll....sure. 30 pounds is a lot for where I am, how I eat, how I work out. But you have to set a goal. You have to make it public. And so it is.

I will also be blogging more regular. I will be updating my weight using the tracker ticker every Monday, just like the good old days.

I started drinking water again today. I remember when I used to be religious about the old H2o. I would preach the virtues of it. And then slowly...the demon soda pop took hold of my heart. As of midnight last night, I am giving up drinking my calories (well, at least pop with calories)...although I will be cutting way back on adult beverages and diet soda as well.

As for the self-discipline, I need to be more aware...be more present...you know...make actual healthy choices. I did this once. I shall do it again. This part, for my old bandsters...is all up to us. The band does not make the healthy choices for us.

And finally...proper restriction. I still get stuck...but that doesnt mean I have good restriction. It means I am probably trying to shovel a full sized hamburger down my throat like a normal person and it gets lodged. My band is actually pretty loose. I am coming up on my three year anniversary, so it is time for a visit to Hot Doc anyways...but I moved it back until the beginning of February...bc I am not dragging my ass in to see Dr. Friedman having gained 10 pounds. OH hell no.

So there you go. I'm feeling good about it.

Of course, it's just the end of day one.

Happy New Year to all of you. May it just keep getting better :)

Band Misuse and Abuse

2011-12-15T20:14:00.000-06:00

Scene: Amy on soapbox

A couple of recent events have led me to this post. And please keep in mind, that I am just shooting from the hip here (which...if you have actually seen my aim with shooting instruments, you would be scurred)...but I have been thinking about how otherwise seemingly smart individuals can either misuse or abuse their bands.

So, let's pretend that everything is black and white... really so I can lump these misusers and abusers into one of two categories.

First, we have the Too Too Tighties. Now I understand the need for restriction. I know that in the beginning it is the holy bandgrail. I mean, the band doesn't really work for you until you HAVE restriction right?

And I understand, and have participated in, and also condone...getting a fill when you need it. Getting a fill when you feel like your eating habits need to be put in check, when your hunger is not only generated from your head...but your tummy.

I dig.

BUT, I do not understand being so tight for YEARS that you cannot, unless baby Jesus or Santa Clause gives you a special pass, get food down before noon. Or just for s's and g's, what about being too tight for YEARS that you actually have trouble getting water down for a few hours every morning. I'm sorry dude. Not cool. And a lot of us have been too tight...you know...after you beg your hot doc for a full cc. But choosing to use your band in this way is dangerous. And when you start to experience problems that are most likely a result of being too tight for so long...well...I want to say...did you not think that having this implanted device squeezing so tight for months and months wouldn't lead to issues?

Now to be fair and balanced, let us look at the other end of the misuse and abuse spectrum. I am talking about those people that go through all the trouble to have surgery...but then never follow up with their doctors, never get fills, never put forth an effort...and then blame the band for the lack of weight loss. WHAT DID YOU GET THE BAND FOR THEN? If you werent going to stay in contact with your doctor, if you weren't going to go for fills...what did you think would happen.

WHAT PEOPLE? WHAT?

Scene: Amy starts rocking back and forth, muttering "The best way to spend Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear (Elf)"

Home Alone. Unsupervised.

2011-12-15T20:00:00.000-06:00

Heather is out of town for the night (not too far away though) awaiting the birth of her first niece...and sadly...what I was looking forward to the most...was eating pasta with shit-tons of cheese, some bread with butter (um...Parkay), and ice cream. And I have.

And it was goood.

Now I am in a food coma.

Is 7:54 pm too early for bed?

Last night we played the game "where-the-hell-is-the-camera-i-bought-you-for-your-birthday". Which means I just started taking random Wednesday night pictures. Here are the pigs waiting for Santa.

Me and the little lady. As white as our little wife beaters.

And speaking of ladies...

So please excuse me while I go drink Pepsi right out of the 2-liter bottle.

Nearing The 3 Year Bandiversary

2011-12-12T19:33:00.000-06:00

One of the pictures that really startled me. In my mind...I didn't look like this.

Same trip as picture above. Probably somewhere around 325-330 pounds.

On the right: 12/4/2010 170 pounds. On the left: today. 174 pounds

So hmmm. I thought there would be a noticeable difference in my tone since last year...but there is not much. That's okay. Maybe I should be happier that at least there it's not worse.

I took this picture below the other day. I wanted to show you guys the difference in where my boobs ARE and where they should be...but then I heard my mother telling me my father says I share too much. So I cropped the happy boob out (it's not like there was a nipple or anything), but its a close up of how my stomach is doing.

That scar there that you can see is my biggest one. The remaining 4 have faded very nicely.

So that is the picture progress...I will try to work on something witty and amazing for the 3 year on January 27th. Happy Monday. It's practically over!

Friends...We Shall Begin Again

2011-12-07T14:03:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been gone from Blogger for so long that you want to come back but you dont know where to start. Like do you do a recap of your absence? Do you just come out swinging talking about the profound thoughts you had this morning regarding vibrators? Do you try to think of a funny bathroom related story? I just couldn't decide. So I will pretend that I havent been a bad blogger for the last...oh...million weeks.

Hi guys! Seems like just yesterday that I posted.

Hope all you Stateside had a good Thanksgiving. As it goes in the Gainey Clan, we spent most of the 4 days hunting. Now, hunting down here involves dogs. You let out your dogs and they run the deer, and then you spend most of the time hunting the DOGS in a pick-up truck. No deer were killed. Which Heather was a little bummed about because she is determined to kill one so we can have meat.

Here is a picture of me and Fisher. We don't need real guns...with guns like these.

My Heather and "the other Heather".

Basically, me and "the other Heather" just rode in the backseat while Henry and my Heather were in the front seats doing serious hunting. Now, when you head out for a day of hunting, you usually get out there around 5 am and may not come home...no home for lunch or anything...until 5 pm. So I come packing food okay? I should of takin a picture. But me and the other Heather would just sit in the back, blanketed in cheetos, chips and dip, bacon, biscuits, pringles, puppy chow. It was awesome. It would be 6 in the morning and we would say "um...could you pass me the bacon and pringles please". Good times. Good times.

Last week I took a hunters safety class where I got to shoot a bow, a rifle, and a shotgun. It was totally hot.

I have been shopping for Christmas. This year I am SO GOING ROGUE and buying people what I want. No Christmas lists please and thank you. Remember that Heather doesnt really "do Christmas". It stresses her out and makes her grumpy. So I already bought her some boots she wanted and she is wearing them already. But I have a few presents under the tree for her BECAUSE I WANT TOO! She bought me a Columbia jacket in front of me, and I tickets to an Eric Church concert. Which excites me in the naughty kind of way. He is my new man crush. In fact, the day I announced that he has passed Jennifer Nettles (from Sugarland) in the running for my heart...Jennifer announced she married some model dude. Coincidence? No. I think not. Clearly she was jealous.

On the weight front, its up a few pounds...around 174. But I aint worried. That's nothing a week of buckling down couldnt cure. My band is el-loose-o, I think I will wait until January to get a fill. I am not sure I want to go back to tight band living. I like to eat with a little more freedom.

On the workout front, things are good. I am still working on getting bigger muscles. Lower body is getting a lot of focus....as well as my triceps. A lot of sore muscles. Mommy likes.

Hope this finds everyone well.

Until we meet again.

kisses.

I Shall Rule The World

2011-11-14T19:28:00.000-06:00

Last week while making my walk from our main hospital back to my office...quite a trapse across a very large parking lot, and whilst wearing heels...I decided something.

I am going to rule the world.

It's pretty concrete. Not much give. It's certain.

Now, I don't really have a plan for world domination yet, but I think I will start at the organizational level of where I work. You see, here is what I think the trick is.

If you DON'T know something...act like you do...until you do.

For example, do you remember when you were a freshman or sophomore in high school and you thought that the seniors were SUPER smart or had more life experience than you and thus they knew things...but then when you actually become a senior you realize you are just as stupid as a senior as you were as a freshman or sophomore...and if you only knew that WHEN you were a freshman or sophomore you would have done things differently?

Well I still assume that about some of my coworkers. Like they are smarter than me. And believe, some of them are. But I am on to a few of them. They just pretend to be really smart. And it works for them.

So, onward and upward folks.

Let's dominate.

In other news. I drank some water today.

Happy Monday!

Picture Time!

2011-11-10T09:57:00.000-06:00

Thought I would share some of the goings-ons with you from the past couple of weeks. We are entering the "Pale Months" as I like to call them here in Florida...you know...where it gets just a little too cool to sunbathe but still so humid that you have to turn your fan on high while putting up your Christmas tree.

A few weeks ago I was able to spend a Friday working at the navy base here. We were cooking out for some of the workers who staff the food service and janitorial areas out at the base. It was a really fun day. In case you don't know it, I am a master griller. I suppose one of the few things that makes me butch...that and my lady nuts. But I know how to turn some hotdogs and flip some burgers mmmmkay?

That's my main man and coworker Rusty. He is camera shy. Much like myself.

This is me (duh) and my other main man, Dennis. He's important people. We were at a Breast Cancer walk.

For those of you who didnt see it on Facebook, 3 weeks ago, whilst playing the very dangerous game of co-ed slow pitch softball, Heather caught a pop-fly....with her face. I was playing catcher, she was playing second. And bc she is blind, and hardheaded, and needs glasses, she misjudged the ball. When it hit her it made the worst sound. She bent over and cupped her eye and when she moved her hand away...blood was pouring on the field. So a trip to the ER and a cat scan later, she looked like this:

She is looking better now. Just a bloody eyeball remains. She will be going for her vision check up soon.

And that's about it for picture time. Oooh. How about a few pet pics? Kitty and Honey May are madly in love. Honey May is our younger bulldog and can't ever get the crotchety old boys to spoon with her.

Skin

2011-11-09T14:32:00.000-06:00

Here is the article I found, and like, that talks about skin. One of our favorite concerns.

What causes the skin to sag after a significant weight loss?
“There is an inherent elasticity in everyone’s skin, but once you get to a certain size, the elasticity decreases,” explains Jason Spector, M.D., assistant professor of plastic surgery at Weill Medical College of Cornell University.

The tissue expands and your body literally makes more skin by producing more skin cells. And those annoying stretch marks? “They are the artifacts of the breakdown of the normal architecture of skin,” Spector says.

What are the biggest factors that determine my skin’s elasticity?
“The two biggest factors that determine skin elasticity are age and genetics,” Spector says. And, unfortunately,both are out of our control. How quickly you’ve gained the weight, as well as how quickly you’ve lost it, may also be a factor.

Losing weight over a longer period of time may give you more of a fighting chance. However, Spector says,there are no credible studies that show what a person can do to head off the excess skin as they’re losing weight.

Plan of Action: Slower weightloss – one to two pounds a week – can help with your skin’s elasticity.

What about my fitness routine? Are there specific exercises I can do to tone up my skin?

“It isn’t that you’re toning up the skin itself,” says Cedric Bryant, Ph.D., chief science officer for the American Council on Exercise. “But by adding muscle, you can form a tight layer under the skin.” That can improve how the skin looks, and take away some of the sag effect.

Basically, the best course of action is to preserve your muscles while losing fat, Pino says. That’s especially important for people who have followed strict calorie restriction plans because they may have lost muscle right along with the fat.

You have to build the muscle backup again. “Endurance exercise will burn fat, but you also need to add strength training,” he says, noting that the skin of patients who do both tends to react better.

Come Here and Take Shelter Under My (bat)Wing

2011-11-08T22:20:00.000-06:00

So much to talk about, so much to share. Here is where we will begin. We will start with the most current happenings and move backwards.

Tonight Heather spoke at our weight loss surgery support group. She has known about this for months, and public speaking is not exactly her cup of tea. It doesn't give her warm fuzzies. She has eaten all of her fingernails, most of her cuticles, and perhaps an actual finger bone. Do finger bones have a real name?

So she had a list of questions submitted in advance and we made a little powerpoint. Her focus, or topic, was strength training and how it pertains to the weight loss journey. There were tons of question about when, where, how much, how to build a butt, and how to get rid of skin and batwings. She sited a pretty good article about skin and demonstrated different moves that target the triceps. During this time, a girl raised her hand and stood up. She said she completely agreed with how important working out was, but that she had batwing surgery and still had droopy arms. She showed her arms. And yes, they had batwings.

And then she started to cry.

She called herself disgusting.

And I knew I had to act quick. Mainly because she was going to have me crying if she kept on.

So this is what I said.

"First of all, you are beautiful." (she was really cute) And yes, we have batwings. But what is the alternative? I weighed 327 and was "full" but going to fat. No batwings. Just fat arms. And there is a trade off. We are healthy now, with a little bit of sag."

I went on to make some joke about how, like a flying squirrel I could jump off a building, spread my batwings and fly. I talked about my boobies...how they are like socks and tennis balls. I tried to tell her that we are all jacked up somewhere...but it certainly doesn't make us disgusting.

We are better than when we started.

And yes. There are times when my saggy boobs, elephant inner thighs, loose belly, batwings, and cellulite all combine in some cataclysmic end of the world moment...and if it is paired with lack of sexy time...lord I am one ledge away from being labled a "jumper"...but most of the time I don't feel disgusting.

And certainly, all my beautiful people, a little bit of crazy skin does not make us disgusting. I hope I get a chance to meet that girl again so I can give her little Eskimo kisses or show her what I look like naked...okay...not totally naked...but you get my point.

Or perhaps I have no point.

Back to Heather. She was supposed to talk for 30 minutes. We barely managed to shut her up after an HOUR. She did very good though. Cracked a few jokes, told funny stories. I am very lucky to have her as my girlfriend.

With that said, I heard a nasty rumor that someone said that I am an unfair example of how the lapband can work because I have Heather.

sssscccreeeeeech

stop the record

Let it be known that Heather is the most amazing person I have ever met. Let it be know that my muscles would not be what they are without her. She is extremely motivating in the fitness sense...but also let it be known I lost 140-150 pounds before I fell madly in love with her. And the one thing she cannot do is keep the food out of my mouth. If having a personal trainer, or a nutritionist, or money made weight loss easy....OPRAH WOULD BE THIN.

I rest my case.

She keeps me pushing forward, but I do a little bit of the work as well.

I rest my case.

Again.

And yes...Dr. Friedman did come to support group to give me a hug. And for one brief moment in the doorway of the meeting room, I was sandwiched between Heather and Dr. Friedman. It was like a dream. In fact, I have actually had that dream...

but there were less clothes involved.

the end

Happy Tuesday!!!

Murphy's Law Of Secret Eating

2011-11-02T20:10:00.000-05:00

For those of us who are ~~secret eaters~~ people who like to enjoy crap food in private, there are some things that are bound to happen as part of karmic retribution for ~~hiding~~ in our ~~gluttony~~ privacy.

1. When you are eating in your car, and must finish your secret snack before arriving home, it will be the one time that you get every green light and there is absolutely no traffic...meaning you have to park at the corner of your road to shovel the food into your trap.

2. When you hide the empty bag of chocolate chex mix in the oven, because your life partner never uses the oven, rest assured that the very next day they will decide to clean the oven...stumbling upon the evidence of your shame.

3. Think it's safe to hide your Pepsi bottle in the vegetable drawer of the fridge while you unload groceries? Think again. Because your life partner will decide, just this one time to help you put up the broccoli.

4. Try to sneak into the kitchen, which is directly behind the couch your life partner is setting on, to quietly open the bag of chocolate chips, which go oh-so-nicely with a little swig of milk...well, do not act surprised when the bag dumps over...scattering chocolate goodness all over.

5. Hide a 12 pack of Pepsi behind a filing cabinet in your office because you happen to work with your damn life partner...who apparently also doubles as Inspector Gadget...because WHO LOOKS BEHIND SOMEONES FILING CABINET....and so help me...she will do it. That very day. THAT VERY DAY!

6. And do you think that under your drivers seat is safe? That you can stash all of your candy bar wrappers there? Well wouldnt you know if that Go Go Gadget will clean your damn car out...and discover this stash, walk into the house where you are enjoying your weekend and stare at you...and stare at you...until you break down and confess. Or make up a lie...like..."Gee...um...ITS NOT MINE! I was just holding it for someone!!!

20 Hateful Things I Want To Say On Facebook...But Don't

2011-11-01T09:07:00.000-05:00

There are times when, upon reading a Facebook status or seeing a certain picture, I want to say certain things to people on my newsfeed. But I don't. So I will say them here....in my safe place.**

1. You are stupid (this comes to mind a lot)

2. I am going to need you to stop posting pictures of yourself taken in the car. I understand the need for an occasional picture when you are feeling super cute. However, I do not need to see 8 shots of you a day, taken in your drivers seat.

3. Stop taking pictures of you food. Again, if you have created something yummy...picture and post away. However, if you are at Applebees and are particularly excited about your baby back ribs....don't do it.

4. You are stupid.

5. Are you really THAT angry? Is your life really that terrible? Are you really on the edge of the cliff EVERY day? Suck it up sugartits....it could be worse.

6. Hate you life? Change it.

7. Hate where you live? Move (um...I do realize some of you may think this of little ol me when I am bitching about living on the temperature equivalent of the equator)

8. Your child is ugly. There. I said it. *

9. Just because it is Halloween does not mean you have to look like a trashy whore (okay...again. I realize last Halloween I did try and dress up like a sexy teacher. Listen. It's do as I SAY, not as I do).

10. You're stupid.

11. I am going to delete you if you post one more damn music video. I do not enjoy opening my news feed to see 14 consecutive video posts that fill my entire screen. DO YOU THINK PEOPLE REALLY CLICK ON THEM?

12. Are you 13? Are you really calling your current girlfriend/boyfriends ex's out on facebook? And are they even on your friends list? Bc if they aren't...they cant see you calling them out! DUH

13. I love a good quote. I love a good song lyric. But if you can't EVER think of anything original to say...don't say anything.

14. Again, are you 13? Are you really posting your relationship drama on facebook. Classy.

15. I don't know who you are...but I approved you anyways. It says we went to high school together. I have no recollection of that ever really happening.

16. That picture you selected as your profile picture. No. Rethink it.

17. When you say things like "I can't believe this...THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER"...and then someone asks you "What? What happened?" And you say..."I can't say on Facebook. Send me a text"...I want to say THEN WHY DID YOU SAY ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?

18. Are you Paris Hilton? Why do you tilt you head and suck your cheeks in every picture?

19. Please figure out how to use the self timer on your phone or camera. Bc for the love of everything Holy, I dont' want to see another mirror shot.

20. I wish I had the nerve to tell you that no one wants to read your bigoted political thoughts. But instead of telling you that. I am just going to hide you. And pretend you don't exist.

*I do believe that there must be something that happens to a woman when she gives birth to a child...something genetic that makes it impossible to ever think your child is less than adorable. It probably serves some evolutionary purpose...like it prevented mothers from eating their young in days of famine. I mean, I have ugly dogs. But they are cute to me. SO I kinda understand. It's just sometimes when hateful Amy comes out...I think hateful things. Go forth. Procreate.

**Please realize I can say all of these things because I am perfect and never annoying***

***Please realize, the above statement was a lie. I am not perfect and should be nicer.

Weight Loss Surgery Body Building Competition

2011-10-29T17:52:00.000-05:00

Last week I had a genius idea. I want to start a body building competition for women who have weight loss surgery. Of course, I am going to have to have some sponsors. Possibly Spanx? I know it can happen by the looks of the SWAG bags from BOOBS 2.0. (and btw, I am totally going to BOOBS 3.0)

Anywhoozle, this is what I was thinking.

Last Sunday, I was eye-f*&*king myself in my bedroom mirrors, and in a moment of high self-esteem I thought...hey...not so bad for someone who has lost 300 pounds.

Okay fine, 160.

Whatever. Numbers

So then I thought that I will never be able to compete in a real body building competition bc there is the loose skin that ain't going anywhere...and the cellulite. Those things stick around like stalkers that hide in your front bushes.

But I could compete against OTHER weight loss patients.

Here are the rules so far:

1. You will be placed in brackets by how much weight you have lost.
2. You cannot have had any plastic surgery.

I KNOW! This disqualifies some of you. Not to worry. You can be the judges! And who doesn't love judging people when there are actual prizes involved. And yes, if I ever get my boobs lifted I will keep the no plastic surgery rule...

with the exception of boob lifts.

hahha...

no.

for real.

Drunk Blogging

2011-10-22T16:43:00.000-05:00

I'm not. But I could be. And that's the point.

Now that I have my trusty at home laptop, along with this novel thing called internet, I can blog freely from home. And I can do so snokered. (SUH-nah-curd)

I am one small glass of wine in. And I even poured like a lady should pour. You know, only about half full. Because to be honest, mama likes her wine glass full up to the top. You heard?

I have always longed for one of those jobs where you can have a sexy decanter or glass thingie full of you favorite adult beverage. Last night I decided I would become a lawyer just so I could drink brandy or whisky when I felt like it. Although, it would probably be more along the lines of Patron or Miller Lite. But you get my drift. Maybe more work would get done if we were all a little tipsy.

Anywhoozle, I remember the days of my single-dom, spent in my townhouse in Topeka, KS. I would make me some fruity martini, light up a clove, and set down at my computer to type. That's right. I thought I was Carrie Bradshaw.

I have another confession to make, now that I am almost at the bottom of my glass of wine. It's so tricky making confessions on my blog, now that I know my family members, and a smattering of important work collegues read this thing. But you know me....boundaries are for sissies.

You should know that my mood and self-worth are directly correlated to how often Heather and I do the dirty dancing. And of course by dirty dancing, I mean sex.

You see, as Heather has put it, I am like a teenage boy when it comes to sexy time. I could do it several times a day, every day....with Heather. This is honestly the first time in my life that I have been in a relationship that I wanted to have sex a lot. Usually, historically I should say, sex has been a "duty". But now, I just like it. And it's not about getting off, because let us be frank. I could do that in 60 seconds on my own if that was the case. It is about a connection. It is about a wanting and a desire. And really, its about feeling wanted and desired in return. And I suppose I could warrant some therapy sessions as it relates to this....my linking sex with love and desire. Because when I am thinking clearly, Heather shows me in so many ways that she loves me, wants me, and thinks I am as hot as [insert really hot person here]. But it boils down to this...because I want to jump her bones 99% of the time, I get my feelings hurt when she doesn't want to jump mine. And then I start to do...it. You know what I am talking about....

The negative self talk. And if there is one thing I am good at, it is talking shit to myself in my head. It's terrible and impressive all at the same time.

And so there you have it. And I know it sounds crazy when everything else in my life is awesome...that I let this one thing bring me down. And today is a good day because last night we talked about it at length, and then this morning....I got me a piece. But I know I need to work on my feelings about this on my side. I need to find clarity in moments of confusion.

So happy Saturday friends! I hope you find yourself with a nice bottle of wine or water (for those of you who are good and faithful bandsters), with the people you love, appreciating the good things in life.

Hugs and kisses until next time. Or until I drink a little more and then take naked pictures of myself or tell you about inappropriate dreams.

xoxo-your crazy Amy

It's Official: I Cannot Hit a Ball But I am Precious When I Try

2011-10-21T19:04:00.000-05:00

Last night one of my worst fears was realized.

That's right. I actually had to play softball on Heather's co-ed slow pitch team.

I prepped her team. Tried to get them to really understand that I cannot hit the ball. They didn't believe me. I mean, in their defense, I LOOKED GOOD. I had my UnderArmor spandex on for God's sake. I had a fresh haircut. I was nonverbally screaming "Sexy Softball Player".

I was last in the line up. I was hoping for an improtu hurricane, an off season Kansas tornado in Florida. Something. ANYTHING.

I got up there to bat. I was literally shaking. You could see it from the dugout.

I took a deep breath. Winked at the pitcher (thought maybe it would help). And I promptly struck out.

I was welcomed back to the dugout with cheers and pats on the back. The guys and girls on the team were amazing. They weren't angry. I didn't poop my pants.

Next several times up to bat, I walked. Woo, that was close. I even almost made it to 3rd base once but ran too far past it, touched the line coach and got out for touching.

Yes. You can't touch the line coach. Huh. Or he can't touch you. Go figure I would get out in a softball game for inappropriate touching.

They named me MVP of the first game. I felt very loved. And very terrible at softball. I made friends with the ump at homeplate, chatted up cute fellas in the dugout. And never once did I feel like the FAT girl who couldnt play. I just felt like the silly cute girl who couldn't play.

That's progress huh? I think so.

The Lost Blogger & Butch Auto Body Shop

2011-10-19T20:47:00.000-05:00

I have to tell you that sadly, I have not blogged in weeks. NOR have I read a blog in weeks. That would be a record for me. You know, the kind of record that is not a good thing. Like the record for the longest time you sat on the toilet, or the record amount of blackheads on your chin.

It's nothing to be proud of. And do you know WHY I have been a sadsack of a blogger? It's a 4 letter word.

W-O-R-K

Okay seriously. I will come clean with you and tell you that I have pretty much lived my life guided by the thought of those people who say "I am SO busy at work that I cant [fill in the blank] were full of horseshit.

I have always been like..."really? REALLY YOU ARE SO BUSY?"

Well it has happened to me. My coworker flew to the coup to become a flight attendant (pun points please), which left me alone to run and man the Education & Training department that used to be run by 3 people. Oh...I got a promotion. So now I am the manager of said department. Very exciting. Very draining. Because do you know what it means to be the only person in a department? That if something goes wrong....

there is no one else to blame.

And I have been spending these past few weeks cleaning, organizing, teaching, and doing my job plus the job of my lost coworker.

And funny thing is, now I have my very own laptop again so I could theoretically, blog from home once more (if you remember my computer was stolen last year).

But it also turns out that when you are so mentally and physically drained from work, you are a zombie when you get home.

The end. Those are my reason. I blog in my head almost everyday. I think of you guys. I think of actually typing my thoughts out...

and thanks to one Miss Dawnya Ivey I have returned. A little FB message was all it took.

During my hiatus, or blogging sabbatical, life has continued. I am actually a wreck on the inside of my head most days. My spirit is in a little bit of disarray and I can't really organize my thoughts or find my hopeful outlook as easy as I usually can. I blame this on the fact that work has my brain so scrambled, it doesn't leave much internal reflection time.

We went to Defuniak this weekend and I took a little four-wheel ride to the clay pit by myself and was literally talking out loud trying to figure things out. I am struggling with self worth. Most days I have to fight this feeling of worthlessness. These are usually the feelings that hit me 2 days or so before my period, and then scatter like dog peter flies in the wind for the remainder of the month. But they are sticking around.

I am sure that mentally things will start to find the upswing.

But. It's rough going for your girl.

I am still working out though. I certainly would have taken "a break" because I am "so busy" if not for Heather. So my weight is holding steady. That is a good thing.

Here is a picture from the weekend. Henry (Heather's cousin who we stay with everytime we go up to Defuniak...about an hour from where we live...and remember Henry is married to the wonderfully patient and kind 'other Heather') is restoring a car so we spent hours on Sunday cleaning parts that had something to do with the steering column or something.

See that purple power container? Well that's what we were using to remove years of gunk and grime. I say to Henry about 30 minutes into the cleaning project, "What do the instructions say about how long to leave it on".

Henry says "I dont know, I dont read instructions".

So I look at the back and before I can get to the instructions I see something that says "If this product comes in contact with the skin, seek medical help immediately, take your stupid ass to the emergency, you may die".

Or something real close. So that is why we are wearing gloves in the picture. A little too late as my hands have been peeling all week.

Oh silly instructions.

Amy's Got A Gun

2011-10-05T11:38:00.000-05:00

While a good number of you were living like high class ladies (well, perhaps...not ladies, bc I have seen some pictures that may indicate otherwise) in Chicago, I was hunting birds. That's right. I am a bird hunter. It's dove season. Poor little symbols of peace. Not to fear though...only one dove lost it's life due to my hunting prowess, and yes...I ate it for dinner. I will go out on a limb (bahaha....bird pun) and say that many of you have not eaten dove...because I had not ever partaken myself. Well, it's a lot of work to shoot those suckers, and you only can eat the breast, which is about 2 ounces...maybe. And it's kinda gamey. So, I won't be shooting said doves anymore. Because I hunt to eat people....mmmkay? In fact, this pretty little bovine below was just about 5 feet from me most of the time, giving me the stink eye...and I decided I would rather be a cow hunter or chicken hunter...because at least I could ENJOY the food part.

That's me. Don't I look like an official hunter?

Heather and her dad....Rusty. Heather is blind as a bat these days, and refuses to get her eyes checked...so she spent most of the time shooting clouds. Or butterflies that she thought were birds.

This is our new gun. Its a camo shotgun and not only is it our FIRST family gun, it's hot. I am jealous of it myself and I own it. I am shooting clay pigeons here. Or trying to shoot them...

This is Henry and Heather's dog (the other Heather), Dixie. I mean...come on. How cute is she?

Fisher took me on a four wheeling adventure on Sunday. The four wheeler would only go into first gear...otherwise I dont ride with Fisher...he is frightening.

It was a great weekend. We havent been to Defuniak since early June bc we have been busy, or they have been busy, or we have been broke, or out of town. But now that hunting season is starting, and we are armed...and because we missed them so much...we are going to be up there more often.

To get my hunting license, I have to take a hunting course....that children can take as well. that will be good fun! I get to shoot a shotgun, a rifle, a hand gun and a bow and arrow! You guys wanna come?

I had to stay off facebook this weekend as much as possible because all the Chicago updates were killin me. Killing me smalls. Maybe next year. Or why dont you all come and visit me? Sounds good.

I Like My Ass

2011-09-22T08:36:00.000-05:00

In spandex.

Yes. I said it.

Who would have though. NOW, it is important to note that I believe there must be "high quality" spandex and "low quality", and it should be noted that I may not like my ass in the low quality, but these UnderArmour compression capri's, which I will call my "running capris" regardless of whether I run in them or not...

make me feel SASSY! You can find them here if you want to read about them. I mean who doesn't want to read about them?

Anyways, I really never thought the day would come when I wore spandex. Not at home. Not in public. Certainly not to run or work out. Because mama has hella cellulite on the thighs and assticles. And you can see a few of these precious dimples in these pants, but not a lot. I am sorry the picture is poor quality. I will take a better one. And Operation Booty pop looks the most pronounced in these pants. Its like I almost have a bubble butt!

So my point is...well I don't really have one...as usual.

BUT, I have been afraid to try these on and finally summon the courage. I am glad it turned out in my favor.

I do have a question for those of you who already own such workout pants. Mine fall down when I run. They only way I can prevent it is if I pull the bottom of the legs up into my knee crook. Too big? Too small? Too much jiggle?

I used to have Gun-gas

2011-09-20T16:04:00.000-05:00

I know I blog a lot about my little itty bitty titties. I know. I KNOW. I will be honest with you that it has become my obsession. Not so much the size, although I am often amazed at how tiny they are these days, but I am ashamed of how much they sag. I call them my little aborigine titties. Which I am sure is politically incorrect, but they are very National Geographic. And Heather says she loves the little guys (and who wouldn't because you can move them just about anywhere). But...it's about time to get a plastic surgery consult for a lift. I dont care or need them to be bigger. I just want them away from my belly button.

When I wear certain sports bras, they are almost none existant.

Exhibit A:

I would like to share with you my new shirt courtesy of Heather.

I love it. I am wearing it to Zumba in just few minutes. If you look close enough, you can actually see my port baby. Its that thing sticking out from below the swoosh.

It's my one ab.

Happy Tuesday!

Things That Make Me Want to Poop

2011-09-20T12:35:00.000-05:00

Heather plays softball (insert: cliche Lesbian joke). And she is really hot when she does it. It's co-ed rec softball. She even wears these little compression shorts under her regular shorts...and they are just like Spanx. SPORTS SPANX!

Who would have known they make sports spanx? Well, I assume some of YOU who are sporty...but not this girl.

Anyways, I digress. So the other night when Heather was playing ball, they had told her they may need me to fill in....

as in...

I may need to PLAY SOFTBALL.

I immediately started to get diarrhea.

You see, I played softball when I was in elementary school. My dad was always the coach. And I don't necessarily remember being terrible, I do remember getting in trouble for playing in the dirt whenever I got stuck in outfield and I remember him yelling "JUST KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL" when I was trying to bat. Which is the stupidest thing someone can tell you because I DO keep my eye on the ball, the entire time it is whizzing by me.

In fact, I used to work with children who had behavior disorders (for about seven years in a school setting), and I often organized recess activities. And so I took these k-5th graders out to play softball one day. Now some of these kids had motor skill issues...mmmkkkay? And they managed to hit the ball just fine. But when Miss Amy (that would be me) got up to swing...missed. Every.Single.Time

They laughed.

I cried a little on the inside.

I havent attempted batting since.

You see, I swing like a champ. And heaven help my competitors if I ever actually made contact. But now I have psyched myself out...permanently...

What if I shame Heather? What if they revoke my girl lover card? I am still waiting for my official Lesbian Card to arrive in the mail. What if they catch wind I can't play?

Makes me want to poop.

Anyways, I in fact did not have to play that night. Wooo, but the season is young. So I told Heather we need to get me to the batting cages ASAP so I can get over this mental block.

BUT, there is some good news. Yesterday a new employee came into my office and asked...get this...

"Did you ever play softball? You look like a softball player?"

bahahahahaha....so there is hope!

A Lap-band App!

2011-09-20T12:24:00.000-05:00

I just got an email from Allergan letting me know there is now a Lapband app! Huh. Who would have thought. You can click here to read more about it or watch a video. I am going to download is ASAP and have a whack at it.

Peek-A-Boo!

2011-09-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

Well it has been a hot minute since I have checked in my friends! I realized I haven't said nairy a word since BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY (which was September 8th if you want to put it in your calendar for next year). I turned 20-12. It was very low key. Last year we went out and got drunk and ended up having a little tift if you will, a little alcohol induced argument, so this year I wanted a nice romantic dinner with my girlfriend, starring me. We went to one of my favorite restaurants on the beach, where my only stipulation was that I could order whatever I wanted to eat and she couldn't give me ANY "oh I can't believe you are about it eat that" glances. I had an appetizer of onion straws, a main course of steak marsala (about 10 ounces which I ate all of it) and a brownie and ice cream for dessert. I will tell you my restriction is pretty loose (see the 10 ounce steak statement) and I was actually FULL. Like, real human being without a band, food in my lower stomach full. I havent felt that way really, since getting banded. I remember now how horrible that feeling is. But it was GOOD.

Heather bought me a new camera for my birthday, which meant we had to have a self-timer photoshoot on the beach after dinner. If you are on my facebook, you have seen some of these already...

This one below I like to call the "Birth Announcement", or in otherwords, "my life partner is pregnant with our love child" announcement. I am not pregnant, but the placement of Heather's hand makes it seem otherwise.

I also mentioned awhile ago that I had a conference in Charlotte this week. Tonight I am actually getting to meet Nat from The Poky Little Cupcake. Our hotel has a little pond by it. Hence the pond shot below. I am excited to meet Nat, however, I am concerned that I will be drunk by the time we meet at 8:30. Free drinks at the conference start in 15 minutes. Good lord.

Here is another shot from my birthday.

My parents are house/dog/kitty sitting for us while we are gone. We went boating in Pensacola before we left and went to Ft. Pickens on Pensacola Beach. This is Big Al and me (my dad). Like father like daughter.

I have more to blog about, like the fact that Heather bought me my first pair of spandex UnderArmour Running Capris and I feel like a sexy beast in them, but they fall down when I run. So I will blog about that maybe later.

But I must go. There is free wine to be had. And mama likes free wine. And nooners. Did I mention Heather is here with me? Vacationing whilst I work?

Toodles my friends!

You Can't Handle The Truth

2011-09-02T13:29:00.000-05:00

*could you hear me using my Jack Nicholson voice?*

I have found that in life, most people do not want to hear the truth. They may think they want to hear the truth, but usually what most of us mean is...I want you to sugarcoat it and spin it so it makes me feel better about myself.

Like when your friend decides to die their gorgeous brunette hair, jet black because they think it will make their eyes pop, and they ask you, "Do you like it". They don't really want to hear..."um...NO. You look like a goth Emo kid who huffs spray paint behind Pizza Hut". They want to hear "It's pretty". So instead you say "I DO like it (your voice goes higher when you say DO), but I LOVED it brown.

See. A little sugarcoat dusting.

Most of the time I don't want to hear the truth when it comes to being "stuck" on the scale. I actually want someone to gently rock me, all the while brushing my hair and whispering things like, "ssshhh baby, it's just genetics. Or water weight. Or maybe the scale is broken. Or maybe your body just likes chilling at __insert whatever weight__, and I am sure that the snicker wrappers you have hidden in your car, or your lack of exercise, or your midnight binging have nothing to do with it...shhhhh....you are pretty".

But, I should go ahead and tell you just to make sure I havent fooled you since the beginning, I am no exercise physiologist or smart person. I majored in Communication. But lately I have been having moments of clarity about this being stuck bullshananigans.

I keep repeating to myself "Up Your Game". And that is what it boils down to for MOST of us don't you think? We KNOW where we can improve. If we are really honest with ourselves, usually we can identify those areas that we can do better.

What's ironic is that I started writing this post yesterday, and get to live it and eat my own words as I type today. You see, I gained three pounds over Travis's visit. Not the end of the world. But I did expect it to be nearly gone by today. Yesterday I did ran a mile, did circuit, sweated like a dirty hog, then did Zumba after work...again...sweating like a dirty hog. Not to mention, I ate "Really Good".

And do you know what I had lost after all of this hardwork and exercise? .2 pounds. yeah. POINT TWO.

And this is where the honesty came in. I worked out really hard yesterday. I couldn't have asked for more really. But this is what I ate:

Breakfast: Protein bar and milk (probably about 2 cups)
Lunch: Tomato soup with feta cheese
Snack: 3 pieces of celery with peanut butter and raisins on top
Dinner: I tried steel cut oatmeal and decided it was as horrible as I thought it would be so I heated up a chicken casserole left over (about a cup) and had two pieces of toast with butter and cinnamon sugar. YUM

Pretty good for me I must say. I drank about 60 ounces of water. And probably consumed 5 cans of diet pop.

Mmmmhmmm...do you see what I mean? Even though it was a "really good day", I could have done better. I could have drank more water. Cut out all of the diet soda. Not eaten the toast, etc. If the scale is not moving for me...then I have to reevaluate.

I have to be honest.

And I think it is important to realize that my crazy workout schedule, or someone else's immaculate food consumption may NOT be what you need to do. If you barely work out now, well then hell, 3 days a week of solid cardio or weights might be your jump start. For me, it would be moving backwards....but we are all different. It really comes down to improving YOU. Not doing what works for someone else.

Oh yes. Don't you love it when you stumble across a weight loss thought that really relates to life as a whole?

I do. I feel like Yoda.

However, Yoda probably wouldn't have let the .2 loss turn him into a grumpy bitch. DAMN IT. I wish I was perfect.

The Saga of The Deflated Boobs: Episode 341

2011-09-01T08:12:00.000-05:00

Look! Amy has nice full boobies!

Psych!

balakdfha;haovjovij!

Happy Thursday. May your cups runneth over.

The Return Of Zumba & My New Favorite App

2011-08-31T13:22:00.000-05:00

Last night I convinced a couple of my coworkers to go to Zumba with me. I havent gone in at least a year, and they were both Zumba virgins. You may remember Lisa, my former biggest loser partner at work (she lost 30 pounds during those 3 months and went from a size 8/10 to a 2/4...and this means she gives me all of her "old" clothes...which I love. She has a heap load of 8's to give me...once I get there). Wayne was the only guy in a sea of about 50 women. I am letting Lisa wear my jingly skirt bc it makes everything better. Both of them will be purchasing one for next week.

I decided to go to Zumba again because I am on a quest to up my cardio game. Because my little love muffins, we all know that the old cliche phrases of : If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got and the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result...well, we know deep down inside that those are true (at least 99% of the time). I can't expect to lose more weight if I keep doing what has been maintaining my weight for a year.

So, off to Zumba I went. And sweet jingle jangle, I forgot how intense the cardio is! It's even harder than running for me. Within about 2 minutes snot was flying out of my nose, my non-waterproof mascara (don't buy mascara when you are in a hurry) was running and I looked like a sweaty Cleopatra, and I am pretty sure I was moments away from a heart attack.

But I prevailed.

And Lisa and Wayne loved it so much we are going every Tuesday night. Awesome.

I also have a new running app that almost makes me want to run more. You could use it for walking as well.

It's the Nike + GPS app and it costs $1.99. I have had several free versions before and found them lacking or inaccurate. This app lets you build playlists right into it, talks to you if you want, you can sync with Facebook and it updates your facebook when you hit milestones and people can cheer for you and it tells you (I havent used that feature). My favorite thing is it tracks your route and your pace. You can see mine above. Its color coded. The dark dark red is where I stopped to tie my shoes, and the lighter red/yellow is where I was dying and hoping for a flying carpet to return me to home.

Its kinda fun though. Like a game.

I have several meetings this afternoon, and I would rather wrap myself in barbwire and fry pork skins in a vat of grease naked, but I will persevere! It's a three day weekend coming up for most of us. I intend on abstaining from the hooch (beer, not diet sunkist), running at least once and doing hot yoga Saturday morning.

Kisses until next time!

Amy

The Weekend Recap

2011-08-30T08:55:00.001-05:00

Well let me tell you friends, Travis's visit was actually a blast. Both he and Heather love each other, him and my other light in the loafers bestie Nathan hit it off like two little queers in a pod, and we all had tons of fun. We spent lots of time in the water, either at the beach or on the river. We ate good food, and yes...drank too much. As a result of such fun, I am up 3 pounds. 168.2 on Monday's weigh in. Not too worried about it, although I would have liked to maintain. My goal for next Monday is to lose those three and one more for good measure and plan on seeing 164 on Mr. Scale.

We went tubing on Saturday, and we were waiting for our pick up. When I met Travis at the airport, I was able to jump on him and wrap my legs around him....without the fear of snapping him in half.

This is what I like to call my sexy finger pose. Please note the finger to the lips and the pointed toe. Both very key. That's Nathan loving me up.

Travis and I getting ready to rope swing. Oh my thigh...always large and in charge.

Sunday afternoon. Pensacola Beach. Me and me lady.

Back on track today my friends! What is so tricky about sugar and junk food is that it only really takes on slip for it to come back and rare its ugly, but delicious, head. When you are trying to eat healthier, you will notice the first week is the hardest, and then it gets a little easier. BUT, if you happen to eat a Sonic Oreo Blast...well...you must make sure not to give into your brain telling you MORE MORE MORE.

It really wasnt the eating that gave me a good 3 pound gain. It was the drinking. Damn you jello shots and beer!

Life is short though. And when you friend is visiting, you may indulge...a smidge.

Happy Tuesday!

edited for Tessie Rose: When he saw me, he just said "its so weird I can pick you up". Or "its so weird you can dress like that", or "it's so weird that you are so small". It wasnt as exciting as I would have hoped!

Swimsuit Posing: 101

2011-08-30T08:44:00.000-05:00

When posing in a swimsuit, one must be fully aware of their angles. Also, be looking for props or humans that can block or shield any less than flattering body parts.

Example #1: The tube hide

Note how the tube is hiding my dangly stomach. Well played Miss Workman.

Example #2: The Human Shield

If you can use people around you to block you...you are golden. Stay golden PonyBoy.

Yet sometimes, even with this large swath of knowledge, there are swimsuit photo shoot mishaps. Please see below:

Um...first, I am not sure why I hooked my thumb into my skin/fat side meat and pulled it forward in such a fashion. Mistake #1. And then...the thigh cellulite. Damn you hail damage!

A visit from my far away friend

2011-08-22T15:02:00.001-05:00

I know that I have mentioned my friend Travis before...oh at least once or twice. In a nutshell, Travis and I had a little relationship that was terribly toxic for several years. I "loved" him. I was a doormat. Travis was a drama queen. You know, a classic case of girl-loves-boy-and-boy-treats-girl-like-shit-because-it-turns-out-boy-likes-boys-and-Amy-doesn't-have-a-penis-and-the-end.

Because when someone is unhappy with their lives, and they want to take it out on someone, and you LET them take it out on you...guess what happens my friends? They usually DO. But we were best friends with benefits for awhile. And then just best friends. But somehow I never really got over being lied to and some of the hurt, and so now we just text a lot. The last time he came down was 3 years ago. Before surgery and right in the middle of dating Tracey. And Tracey was insanley jealous of Travis, Travis had a horrible little boyfriend that reminded me of an insect one needs to swat and kill, and ...it wasn't very enjoyeable for anyone involved.

Well he is coming to visit us on Thursday!

I am excited to see him. I wonder if it will be weird for him to see me...now that I am not 327 pounds. The above picture was his last visit. He has never known me smaller than 209. 209 is what I had dieted down to in 2001 for a trip we took...and I was conviced he would love me smaller.

Sigh.

We are SO stupid sometimes.

Anywhoozle, he is staying at our house. I am a little nervous...as I am whenever I feel like I have to balance people's feelings. Like, I want to make sure he is being nice and that Heather is comfortable, and he is comfortable, and blah blah blah.

We are going to the Melting Pot Thursday night, having a boardgame/Wii dance party Friday night, Hot Yoga on Saturday, tubing either on Saturday or Sunday, brunch on Sunday, possibly the beach, and he leaves on Monday. Wooo....jam packed.

Somewhere in all that fun, I have to try to avoid copious amounts of drinking, find time to workout, and keep my eye on the goal. I am sad my camera is broken.

My birthday is coming up on September 8th. I will be 27....again. Nothing big planned. I think I want to go to a nice dinner for my bday, just me and my lady. I am thinking Hemmingways on the beach and then maybe some beach necking under the moonlight afterwards. My parents are coming down that following weekend to dog/house sit for us because I have a conference that entire next week in Charlotte, NC. Anyone close by?

Toodles for now! Happy Monday

Let Us Hug: Goal Setting Monday

2011-08-22T10:20:00.000-05:00

Well chitlins, my goals for last week were no beer, no wine, and 2 additional days of cardio.

I achieved 2 out of 3. On Wednesday we took off work (MAN...everyone should take Wednesdays off...it makes the work week much more doable) to go tubing with friends whose parents were in town from Montana. I was forced to shotgun a beer...even though I tried to tell them that PHYSICALLY I think my band makes it impossible...(they didnt listen but soon would have a clear understanding)...so I drank about half a beer.

And then threw it right up. In front of them. That'll teach them.

And then on Friday night I sipped about half a beer as well.

As for working out, I did circuit 5 times, ran on Friday morning, Hot Yoga on Saturday, and ran on Sunday afternoon.

Let me tell you that Hot Yoga was a different instructor this time, bc cute Colleen was "sick". He was very surfer dude, wore cotton shorts that became inappropriate at times, and talked to damn much! It was also much harder than last weekend bc the girl next to me said she wanted to do "core work" and mommy hates core work. We did do headstands again, and I have decided that this will be my next move to master.

I havent even tried it yet...but I will let you know. I don't even know how to get in this position. It could be tragic. I should have Heather video the first attempt.

Broke out the old polka dot dress this morning. Makes me feel sassy. Also makes me feel that one squat down without holding the sucker and it could be HELLO WORLD! I have to squat like a lady.

Last week I weighed in at 171.4, today it was 165.4. 6 pound loss. Good times.

It's Goal Making Monday

2011-08-15T11:48:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wish I could yodel from a mountain top.

So to recap, last weeks Goals, part of the Amy is Setting Goals Again and Making Them Public Initiative, were:

No regular pop, no beer, no wine.
No unhealthy snacking
And something else I think.

Anyways, I am happy to report that I did not have one regular soda. I did not have any oreos, cheetos, or candy bars. I did not snack on crap.

AND, it should be noted that I should get an extra star because we hung out all day with friends at the beach, which included brunch with bottomless mamosas, sunbathing whilst others drank beer, and then frozen drinks at a restraunt. Thank you very much...I drank water. AND, on Saturday, Heather wanted ice cream (an oreo blast from sonic). It was a full moon I suppose. I got her one...and didnt get myself one! Thank you very much again.

So for this week I shall stick to:

No regular pop, no wine, no beer.
No unhealthy snacking.
80-100 ounces of water a day.
I am adding 2 days of cardio on top of my circuit. Friday I ran 3 miles on the belt of death (treadmill). I watched Sex and the City on my iphone though, so it wasnt as horrible as it could have been.

My no beer challenge may indeed be a challenge this week though. There may be a tubing trip (I didnt say no jello shots now did I), and we may be going to Defuniak...home of Heather and beer drinking. But that is my goal.

I am down 2 pounds. I am looking forward to seeing the 160's again very soon.

Happy Mondaying!

Tell The Sweat Drips Down My....

2011-08-15T10:39:00.000-05:00

Greetings from Planet Monday!

On Saturday, with my girlfriend in tow, and my new local bestie Maddi....we went to Hot Yoga.

The setting: A little free standing yoga studio. These classes are taught by true "yoga-ites". No gym barbies. A little crunchy granola. There were probably about 16 people there. I was probably the biggest person in the room. That's okay. I can handle it.

It wasn't as hot as I would have liked. I wanted a sauna. I would say it was probably 88-90 degrees. Not much different than the temperature outside at 9 am on a Saturday in Florida. We began with chanting. Well, we didnt chant. We listened. Then we started the yoga. The last time I went to this yoga studio was after surgery, but still pretty plump. Maybe around 280? For whatever reason, it was not as physically challenging this time. Some of the stretches were tough, but I wanted more balance poses.

There was this one:

The headstand.

It was awesome and OH MY GOODNESS...it is all core and lower back. I flung myself up and held it. It was much harder than my normal headstand...you know the kind they teach you when you are little and your hands and arms are out to the side like kickstands? Well, in the yoga version, your hands are at the back of your head.

Now, Heather no likey balance. And she was hemming and hawing and not trying it, so the Yoga girl came over and said "I'll spot you"....and she made Heather do it. hahahahah....I was laughing inside. Which caused me to fall over, forward.

Good times.

The sweating was pretty awesome. I like it when my ankles sweat.

Funny thing about that handstand is there was woman right beside Heather who must have been in her 50's that was ROCKING that thing...this motivated Heather to practice when we got home.

When you walk into our master bedroom, you can walk through and then enter our bathroom, which is galley style but has a water closet where the toilet is. If you keep walking you get to our walk in closet. Well I was in the closet changing and I heard Heather grunting.

I said "You better not be pooping Heather! You better not be pooping with the bathroom door open".

More grunting.

I marched out and found her in the bedroom trying to do the handstand.

Thank goodness she was NOT pooping.

We both felt really relaxed after the hot yoga. And what I really enjoy about yoga in general is that it is SO different than most other forms of exercising. It's really more mental than physical. You move at your own pace. You breathe. You relax. It's such a good addition to what I am doing now.

Other than that, nothing too exciting happened. Maddi slipped on her sweat and face planted her mat...that was funny. Someone farted...it happens.

Who Dat Girl?

2011-08-11T13:06:00.000-05:00

I was researching my OWN (um, not the Oprah Winfrey Network..put like my personal one) blog yesterday and found this entry from July 2009. Just a few years ago. I wanted to go back and see if I could find what was my "normal" when I was losing and rocking the band. I have inserted any new comments in red!

Things I Do Well

So I thought I would make a positive post. Sometimes we have a tendancy to be a little bleak (note my previous post) and forget all the good we are doing. Let us start with the nutrition/food/band related good:

•I drink tons of water a day. Probably on average...120 ounces at least. It has a placebo effect for me and I feel better with each bottle. (say whaaat? I do remember that I used to preach and preach about the benefits of water. Oh how quickly we forget)

•I have gotten better at saying no to the junk. When my five little fingers hover ever so gently over the oreo package or pringles can...I can now stop and ask myself "Amy...what will this do for you? Does it help you reach your goal? Will it give you anything nutritionally?" And if the answer is no...I can walk away (more often then not). (say whaaat times TWO? Where did this girl go? Oh that's right, I've been muffling her with oreos and cheetos)

•I eat loads more fruits and veggies then pre-band. I eat fruit 3-4 times a day. (I do not recall this being true. It must have been fleeting. But in all honesty, now I eat VEGGIES much more than fruit. I cook with them in almost every supper/dinner I make)

•I rarely eat fast food. (well...this was true. And it's actually not that hard to avoid fast food. But once you start going...you just keep going)

•I bring my lunch to work everyday. (This is still true. Breakfast and lunch. Today I was out of my Atkin bars and even my back up Grape Nuts. Which means I didnt eat breakfast, just munched on Pita chips off and on until lunch. NOT GOOD.)

•I eat my protein first. (uh...no...well...mostly no.)

•I take my vitamins. (bwahahah...I go through spurts. I do good for like 2 weeks.)

•I weigh myself everyday, and no longer get discouraged if the scale doesnt move EVERYDAY in the right direction...because I know it will soon. (I don't weight myself everyday anymore. Sometimes I just dont care...in a good way.)

•I can share my story with others. (I feel my story is a little boring these days...I am like a grandmother lapband blogger...just talking about the old days.)

•I cook with healthier ingredients. (Fo' sho Fo sho'. This is actually even more true now and it keeps getting better)

•When I shop, I dont even buy junk bc I know if it is in the house...I will be tempted. (I still dont bring it into the house, but thats because I eat it in secret somewhere else.)

Here are some good things I do in life:

•I love with my whole heart.

•I make people laugh.

•I am creative and childish at times...which makes me a fav with kids.

•I swim like a mermaid. You wouldn't expect such a big girl to have that kind of endurance.

•I love to give.

•Even though I talk A LOT...I am a great listener.

•I am a pretty good cook, and thanks to the Food Network...I am getting better.

•I try not to get bogged down with the "what ifs" in life bc life is do damn unpredictable that what we worries about never happens and what we never think about always does!

•I am flexible (physically).

•I am a good daughter.

•I am quick and witty.

Here are some things that I could improve on. Just because I believe in full disclosure:

•I could exercise more. (well, this has changed for the positive at least, I can remove it from the list)

•I have a tendency to not say what is really bothering me...and then I harvest it inside until it comes out like a 5-headed dragon ready to devour flesh. (I am working on this and have done better since I found my Heather)

•I can get stuck in "my way is the right way and only way mentality". (not true. I am very open minded. As long as it's my way)

•I tend to settle (I am thinking professionally) (turns out, I was also talking about in my relationship at that time. Not anymore.)

•I can't spell. LOL...I blame spell check. I was great in elementary school...damn computers! (spelling is still overrated)

•I should wear more sunscreen.

•I have let the best friendship in the world drift apart. (we talk more...still not enough)

•Sometimes my mouth needs a filter for my brain.

And that's it kids! We didnt do Hot Yoga last night bc Heather "didnt want to"...so hopefully Saturday!

Happy Thursday!

Hot Yoga

2011-08-10T14:51:00.000-05:00

I am PUMPED for some Hot Yoga tonight. Do you remember years ago when I went to yoga with Mother Earth as the instructor? I loved it.

So I am making Heather go tonight. She is not really thrilled by the idea bc...come here...this is just going to be a little secret between you and me and the rest of the 797 readers...

Heather doesn't stretch. And do you know what happens when you don't stretch and lift like a beast? You get tight. In other words, she not so flexible. And Heather doesn't like not being awesome at something "athletic". It will be good for her ego. Because I have also found that people who think yoga "can't be that hard" have never taken a yoga class. Anyways, she already has her pouty pants on.

I will keep you posted.

A couple of other things I need to tell you about.

First, my neck/shoulder/upper back pain is still present. I have decided that I am just old and will forever ache. Then end.

This weekend I ate 2 hamburgers. One on Friday, and one of Sunday. I ate them...bun and all. And sweet mother of beef and bands, they were good. In fact, I ate them in under 10 minutes. Can you believe it? Did the band gate open up? I dunno. And it's kinda scary that I know I can.

Thank goodness I turned over a healthier leaf...or I would probably be eating one right now.

The Death of Regular Soda

2011-08-10T09:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Pepsi and Coke...how I miss thee.

So far so good ladies. No regular soda. I had half of a diet sprite yesterday. About 3 in the afternoon, a very lovely headache settled in behind my eyeballs. I have another one right now. The only thing I can figure is MY BODY IS GOING THROUGH CAFFEINE WITHDRAWAL! Could it be? So soon?

I am going to have a coke zero sometime soon (yuck). Just to see if the headache goes away.

I didn't snack on crap yesterday...so that is still going well.

For Breakfast:
Atkins Protein Bar
1% milk

Lunch:
Creamy black bean soup (yummo recipe...you can search for it on my blog)

Dinner:
Cajun Chicken Pasta (this is a Pioneer Woman's recipe...if you havent looked at her blog shame on you)

However, since I was so hungry and it is so delicious AND bc I ate too much....I puked most of it up. Man...there is nothing worse than PBing spicy food. So after that, I licked some peanut butter off my finger and sipped some milk.

I need a nap. Happy Wednesday!

Food Inc and My Soapbox

2011-08-09T13:16:00.000-05:00

I have been very eager for Heather to watch Food Inc. As a lover of both the enviroment and animals, and an advocate for healthy eating...I always thought it was something she should see.

I watched this a couple of years ago. And it is one of the reasons that when I can buy organic I do. It is why I buy organic milk and organic eggs.

The movie is NOT pro-vegetarian, it's not PETA propoganda. It is not republican or democrat (it even goes to specifically name names on both sides of the aisle). If I had to sum it up in one sentence, the movie is about some of the moral and ethical problems with our food system. Not just animals, but crops, seeds, farmers, the FDA.

There is one problem with the movie though. It's not for everyone...because not everyone wants to change. Once you watch it, you have to do better. Once you know better, you do better.

So after going to our local library to check it out, we sat down on Sunday night to watch it. Heather cried off and on throughout the movie. I hadnt expected that. And...she's been a little grumpy ever since...because the movie presents some problems with our goverment and regulations pertaining to our food that aren't an easy fix. But like I told her...we DO get a choice. We WILL do better.

So if you have the time and want to, I encourage you to watch it. It's actually showing on PBS tonight...so check your local listings if you are here in the States.

I was talking to someone about this today and she said "Yeah but, that's what the chickens and cows are raised for...to be eaten". And I totally agree. But it is HOW they are raised that is important.

Have any of you seen the movie Temple Grandin? It's an amazing movie starring Claire Danes. And it's true. Temple was born with autism in the 1960's, long before anyone really understood all of its facets. She ended up creating and designing a more humane feedlot system. And she said "Just because nature is cruel, we don't have to be".

Cows weren't meant to eat corn. They were meant to eat grass. You know what happens when they eat corn? They get sick. Think E.coli. And how do they treat that? Antibodics. And those come to us. It used to take chickens 68 days to be ready for slaughter. Now with drugs...they grow faster and bigger.
And do you know one of the problems with that? The breasts are now so big that their legs cannot support the weight. Many of the chickens can only walk a few feet and then have to lay down. That's if their legs don't break first.

I remember in college when they first released the undercover video of T.Y.S.ON. chicken farms. I was so heartbroken that I refused to eat that brand anymore...which means no K.F.C...since they are their supplier. However, I didnt realize that also meant Taco Bell. Same company.

So it gets tricky.

I just read an awesome book called Food Rules. I will share that with you tomorrow since I have been on my soapbox long enough already.

This is just going to be a huge push for me to eat healthier and make healthier choices. It has nothing to do with the scale.

This part is at the end of the movie, and the way they present it, with "This land is your land" playing in the background, always makes me cry.

Things You Can Do

You can vote to change this system . Three times a day .

Buy from companies that treat workers, animals, and the environment with respect.

When you go to the supermarket, choose foods that are in season. Buy foods that are organic. Know what’s in your food. Read labels.

The average meal travels 1,500 miles from the farm to the supermarket. Buy foods that are grown locally. Shop at farmers’ markets. Plant a garden. (Even a small one.)

Cook a meal with your family and eat together.

Everyone has a right to healthy food. Make sure your farmers’ market takes food stamps. Ask your school board to provide healthy school lunches.

The FDA and USDA are supposed to protect you and your family. Tell Congress to enforce food safety standards and re-introduce Kevin’s Law.

If you say grace, ask for food that will keep us and the planet healthy.

You can change the world with every bite.

Hungry for change ? Go to takepart.com / foodinc

Pulmonary Pirates To Pillage and Plunder

2011-08-09T11:02:00.000-05:00

I never told you what name I went with for my Heart Walk Team! Thanks to one of your suggestions, and there were several...we are officially the Pulmonary Pirates. I of course am beyond thrilled, bc all of us can wear eye patches during the walk...

and come on...

who doesn't love eye patches.

There was a heated debate over the word pulmonary though. SOME of my team members said it refers to the lungs, but alas, there are pulmonary arteries that are in the heart or connect the heart to the lung...or something...so there! Take that.

Thank you for those of you who have donated. I have raised $230 dollars so far. We have a goal of $500. If you would still like to donate, the paypal widget is on the right side of my screen. You can do as little or as much as you would like using Paypal. If you click on the HeartWalk widget, you have to donate a minimum of $25.

Every little bit helps.

Just think...instead of sending me birthday presents (um...my birthday is less than a month away), you can just give money to people who have hearts....which is all of us! Of course, if you would like to donate AND send me a gift...

well who am I to refuse?

My Goals For This Week

2011-08-09T10:56:00.000-05:00

Fine. I made a couple.

NO regular soda.
NO unhealthy snacking. And to define this, it pretty much eliminates all of my normal snacks: cookies, candy bars, cheetos.
NO beer or wine.

Yuck.

This will actually be pretty hard for me. It is so easy to get addicted to this stuff. I went from a can of regular soda now and then to getting several huge "cups" (think gas station big gulps).

But this is my goal. I think every Monday, which happens to be my official weigh-in day, will be when I commit to some healthy goals.

K. I am starting small.

However, if you have ever read The Secret, you know that I am already setting myself up to fail. According to The Secret, by saying NO soda, I am actually programming my brain to think about soda. So instead I should say "I am drinking only water".

I digress.

Happy Tuesday!

More Amy Excuses: Part 2

2011-08-08T16:35:00.000-05:00

What is that quote about if you don't know where you are going, you might get lost and end up in the backwoods, with a flat tire, and have to walk to a scary house where people want to turn you into a wax figure?

YOU know the one I am talking about.

Karin. Help me out.

One of my problems over the course of the last 6 months or so is my lack of commitment to you and to me.

One of the things I always recommend to newbies is to set a goal and share it with the world. When I started my journey I knew that I wanted 120 pounds the first year and I had mini-goals of 30 pounds every three months (I am a math wizard). I told anyone who would listen out there in blogland, in real life, and all the imaginary voices in my head. I didn't to let you guys down, and I didnt want to get off track. I was focused. And when I gained 3, 4, or 5 pounds during a week, I buckled down and lost it the next...and then some.

If I told you I was drinking 100 ounces of water...I drank it.
If I said I was giving up soda...I gave it up.
If I said I was doing a 5k...I did it.

Lately, on the rare occasion that I have said I am going to make changes...have you noticed I preface it with "I am going to try"?

And perhaps...therein lies the problem.

What's that quote? Do or do not...there is no try. Didn't yoda say that? Or Oprah?

By NOT wanting to say I WILL do something (bc Lord, I might not really want to try that hard and thus fail) I am already failing.

And it stems from FEAR. Yeah. I said it. I am afraid to set a goal bc I do not know if I have the motivation to reach it. I am afraid to list specific changes that I know need to happen because I can justify it in my head.

Here is a great example: Let us say I am drinking a can of Coke. People, who drink crazy amounts of beer, will say to me "I can't believe you are drinking regular soda!" And to them, and my justification in my head is "Oh really? I can't have 140 calories of pure sugar but you can drink over 1000 calories in beer in several hours".

So I justify my regular soda with a 'well it could be beer' mentality.

Coo Coo

Or how about this one: "Yes I had oreos for breakfast. But they were only 240 calories, same as my protein bars...so what's the difference"?

Our minds are cumbersome catacombs that are scary to navigate.

Onwards and upwards my fair friends. Until tomorrow...

when I might finally get balls enough to set some goals (large lady nuts don't count).

Excuses

2011-08-08T11:28:00.000-05:00

"If it's important to you, you'll find a way...If it's not, you'll find an excuse"-I dont know who said this but I like them

I have been thinking awhile about excuses. I make a lot of them. Or shall I call them "justifications". They are excuses.

I weighed 173.4 this morning. And not because I am "big boned" or because I "have a lot of muscle". I weigh 173.4 because I make poor food choices. I weigh 173.4 because although I work out a lot, I could stand to do a little more cardio.

And the reason I don't do cardio is: I DONT LIKE IT. Not because I am too busy. Not because it hurts my joints. I don't do it because I dont wanna.

"I am healthy right now" or "I am the healthiest I have ever been" may be true, but I could be healthier and honestly...I should be. So being complacent isn't a "reason". The excuses I make up make me complacent.

Sometimes I struggle with the 'do I need to lose more weight question'. I don't know how you find the answer to that one. I certainly would not base it off of a BMI chart. Those are bullshit. And it's not based on my physical limitations anymore...I can travel, I can ski, I could bungee jump if the opportunity presented itself. So then what do you base it on? Really at this point, losing more weight comes down to the superficial doesn't it?

Smaller thighs, fitting into size 8's, a smaller number on the scale. Are those reasons to lose weight? Maybe.

Miss Vickie was in my office the other day and we were talking about the "last 10 pounds (insert your own number). And it's harder to find the motivation to lose the last #'s bc everything we were fighting for in the beginning...we have achieved. Better health, better body, smaller ass.

But back to excuses. We all know what we need to do. If you have the lapband, you need to diet and exercise. Maybe not at the beginning, but after a little while...you are going to have to DO SOMETHING. And then...guess what. You are going to HAVE TO KEEP DOING SOMETHING. And if the scale stops or things don't change...you are going to have to do MORE.

And you have to have the Want To.

It's funny that for those of us who chose weight loss surgery, there will come a time when you realize *shitballs* I am still going to have to actually be present to lose or maintain. And even though we realize this, when we find ourselves not losing or not getting to where we need, we go back to things we should know better than to go back to. Atkins, liquids, weight watchers. Sure...I lost weight those few weeks I was on Atkins...but I gained it right back.

A "diet" is not the answer. It's changing my diet that is 50% of the battle. It is finding replacements or ways to eliminate the poopoo caca food. It's making sustainable, reasonable, do-able changes. Habits are a tricky bitch aren't they?

I need to go back and reread my blog, because I know I wasn't the perfect bandster when I lost 120 pounds in a year. But I also vaguely remember seldom eating fast food. I never drank regular soda. I always drank my water.

And then slowly...when you let yourself START doing the naughties...the naughties become the general consensus.

And then you are in trouble.

It seems that by now, a lot more of the bandsters who have been around awhile should be at goal. Have you stopped and thought about that? As for me, I know I still weigh the exact same I did in Chicago a year ago. I still have the same outfits. Should I be smaller? Should you? Should we? And what about some of the bloggers that have dropped off the face of the blog earth? Is it because "other things in their lives are more important"...or is it because they don't want to have to be honest. Honesty is easy when it's all good. Honesty is hard when you think it's going to make you look bad. (please note I do realize that for some, bloggin just gets boring and it was a phase to begin with).

So for me, as it pertains to excuses, this all stemmed from "I am happy where I am at" or "I am healthy now"...and me wondering...is that just a "justification" for doing things half-assed? Is it a reason? Should I want it more? Do I want it at all?

Don't you hate when one question leads to more questions and no answers?

I think for me, my focus is going to have to be just being healthier. Which, if I would really focus on it, would probably lend itself to all of those superficial byproducts of health. (see: smaller thunder thighs).

Happy Monday bloggers and readers alike.

How's that Scaling Back Going?

2011-08-02T15:07:00.000-05:00

So if you recall, July was to be my scale free month. And after a little text message from Lapband Gal this a.m, and a Facebook message from Zara last week, and another reminder and question from my Heather...

I weighed.

Last week.

I didn't make it a month. I fell several days short.

Don't hate me.

But after I found out that my numerous aches and pains were going to prevent me from working out, I had to get an idea of where I stood.

OKAY?

I actually don't remember what the exact number was. I think 175 something. Which I believe is maybe 1 pound up from July 1st.

So did I find it hard? Not really. I didn't miss it much. I actually really enjoyed NOT knowing so when people asked me or when I wanted to beat myself up...I had no answer for them. It was kinda freeing.

It didnt help me eat better though. I had hoped that I would be better behaved without the scale to tell me whether or not I was being too naughty. Eh...I still was pretty not good. That's real fancy grammar. Pretty not good.

Anywhoozle, the truth is this. Just like Catherine posted a few days ago, working out has saved me. It allows me to eat with a little less abandon. It keeps me in check. And it has helped my body tighten up more than some. But I am talking weight training people. And I could go off on a tangent...but alas, I will save that for another post.

So all in all, the no-scale experiment was really not that big of deal. Didnt hurt. Didn't help. It was just different.

I am working on a choo choo train of deep thoughts related to goal setting and weight loss, but I need to find my happy place before putting fingers to keys...but stay tuned.

Happy Tuesday!

The Tubing Trip

2011-08-01T15:03:00.000-05:00

This weekend I organized a little tubing trip. Where I am from, the land of Kansas, our rivers are really wide, really shallow, and generally...mud. Down here in Florida though, there rivers are like those fantastic "lazy rivers" at theme parks. You rent some tubes and just float down...for hours. You rent tubes for your coolers of course. You stop on sandbars. You meet other river people. It is the most fabulous use of money in my honest opinion.

As you take a gander through the selected pictures (just in case you didnt want to look at the 199 I posted on facebook)...please realize a few things. #1. Contrary to what you may witness. I am a lady. #2. I made the yummiest jello shots with absolute mandarin vodka. We were going to stop at every sandbar and do a shot...but...um...we made it 2 sandbars in (about 10 minutes), and we had polished them off. #3 We took approximately 75 beers with us. Their were 7 of us drinking said beers. We ran out.

Ooh, and somewhere down the river I met these lovely people who had Patron. You know mama loves her some. I swigged it right out of the bottle like a champ. I liked those people. Later, when I was going off the rope swing...they chanted my name. Aw. Good times.

And as for my neck. Funny...I didnt feel a thing whilst tubing. Come Sunday morning...that was a different story.

Me and my Nathan. I love his Sunday bonnet. He is my Bear Cub.

This is Maddie (aka Tits). She is Peter's wife and possibly my new bestie. She was teaching me how to shotgun a beer. At first I thought this meant someone was going to put it in their mouth and spit it in mine...and THAT did not sound like fun. But for those of you who are also unawares, you poke a hole in the can, put your mouth over it, and then open the can and chug. Even preband I couldnt chug. Didnt stop me from trying. Here I am just licking the can. I am a good licker.

Um...you arent supposed to pour it all over you. Even pouring it out like that, Maddi beat me. I promise her beer was gone in under 15 seconds. It was amazing.

Here is Peter. We were trying to do that famous buttshot from Sports Illustrated. It didnt work out. And I dont know why someone let me take 8000 pictures with a crushed beer can in my hand.

I have no recollection of the picture below. However, according to the timeline I must have been thirsty.

And Peter helped.

Some of are crew.

Please note that everyone else is holding beers. I am holding food. Go figure.

Maddi and Peter. Both high maintenance but tons of fun. They work out with us. Peter is actually training for an ironman. We decided somewhere on the river that he will be one of our sperm donors. I will be the recipient. Maddi is fine with that, as long as they have theirs first. Heather will get Nathan's (bear cub) donation, bc they are both so gay that their gayness will cancel each other out. Their words. not mine.

me and my lady...waiting for the bus to pick us up before the fun began.

I figure at least once a summer there needs to be one of these pictures.

And that's it! Somewhere down the river the Patron came back up. I had marched off into the bushes to take care of business....and Peter marched right behind me and said "oooh...that's gross." To which I replied "YOU FOLLOWED ME BACK HERE".

There would be pictures of me rope swinging, but at some point the ziploc baggie I had put my camera in got a little bit of water in it...and this would be the last picture my camera would ever take.

So now I have no computer AND no camera. Blah.

I really had the best time. It is awesome when you get a group of people together that can just relax and BE.

Happy Monday!

Into the Psyche of An Equal Opportunity Lover

2011-07-28T09:47:00.001-05:00

I have a new man crush. Well, it's been fermenting for awhile now, but it's getting serious. And I know you are thinking...isn't she a lesbian?...and you should know better. You know I am just a lover of mankind and womankind in general. But the odd thing is, with the exception of Heather, I rarely look a woman and think "mmm...I want a piece of that". It does happen. Like Michelle Rodriquez. Bless her little heart. Or Jillian Michaels. But for the most part, when I see a girl that I think is really hot, I am thinking "damn...I want to LOOK like that."

And sometimes, more often than with my lady loves, I see a fine piece of sumpin like this:

Joe Manganiello from True Blood...and I think that if I were a single lady, I would track him down and beg for a piggy back ride.

All of this really stems from the fact that Eric, I mean Alexander Skarsgard just broke up with Kate Bosworth.

First, no one told me they were dating. Second...that means Eric, I mean Alex Skarsgard, likes tiny waifish women. I have officially ended it with him.

Just thought I would keep you abreast of my latest delusions.

Happy Thursday.

New Blogger Alert: A correction

2011-07-27T13:12:00.000-05:00

And they say no good deed goes unpunished.

I have never really understood what that meant. Does it mean that if you do a good deed you WILL be punished? I am confused.

But I said it anyways.

A couple of days ago I linked you to a blogger (a little Canadian songstress) and then she CHANGED her blog hosting site so she would be like more of us. SO, here is the new link to a newly banded lady.

Click herehttp://canuckbanditmusings.blogspot.com/

Deep Thoughts By Amy Handy

2011-07-27T09:24:00.000-05:00

"Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point" -Jack Handy

One time Jenny and Drazil told me I am smarter than I look. Or something along those lines. I took it as a compliment. What I think they meant is that I can come off all cuddly kittens and tiny bubbles on you, but inside there is a deep thinker with years of untapped wisdom.

Well I was sitting here thinking about what I would tell my 18 year-old self if I had the opportunity. Here is what popped into my head:

Credit cards are from the devil. You may believe that when you graduate college you will be a millionaire and be able to pay them off. Think again. Say NO to plastic.
Speaking of college, you will be tempted to take 8 years to graduate. How's about just knockin it out and being done with it. Pick a major and stick.
Speaking of major, pick one that actually lends itself to something.
Sometime around the age of 24 you will hit a "dry spell" in which you will not have sex for approximately four years. At that time, the cord on your "back massager" MAY or MAY NOT start sparking one cold and lonely night because the damn thing is actually overused. Proceed with caution. Have flame resistant sheets.
Oh yeah. And don't worry about that dry spell. Around the age of 31 you will start having really good boom boom shalaka. It was totally worth the wait.
Match.com doesn't really turn out for you. It's okay.
If they walk like a duck and talk like a duck...they are probably a duck. This applies to all men you fall in love with that walk and talk like a gay duck. They aren't "just metrosexual". Trust me.
Always have an extra change of underwear. You pee your pants a lot.
Spend more time with your grandparents because one day you won't be able to.
Start sucking up to your parents now for how you acted growing up.
Those two weeks you will spend in college trying to be bulimic, forget about it. You love food too much and don't really enjoy puking.
Start professional weight lifting. Don't be intimidated by all those boys. In a few years they will be bald and fat and you will be awesome.
Just when you think life is over, you will realize it is really just beginning.

The truth is, I probably wouldn't tell myself any of that. I would probably just say "Don't worry. Everything that happens will lead you to exactly where you are meant to be."

I wouldn't go back and change anything. Even with a sore neck, an empty bank account, and saggy boobs, I am smart enough most days to realize everything I do have.

Happy Hump Day love muffins!

And The Winner Is...

2011-07-27T09:01:00.000-05:00

Dilbert Twelfth! Also known as Theresa, also known as Tessie Rose! I feel that the random number generator must sense horrible stripper names, because Dilbert Twelfth sounds like the poor dwarf no one wanted to sleep with.

Alas though, Theresa will be receiving a Gotein packet asap. Theresa...will you email me your address. Be careful though, I have decided that if I am ever single again I am just going to be traveling from bandster to bandster, mooching and smoozing off of all of you.

The stripper names were great. Some of you had really good ones...some were reaaaaally terrible.

Thanks for playing.

For those of you who want more information about Gotein, you can go to their website at http://www.gotein.com/.

Gotein and Prosper! Free stuff!

2011-07-26T12:15:00.000-05:00

It was finally my turn to be contacted by the sellers of Gotein protein supplements for a little trial and giveaway. Which is good for me...AND good for you.

I was a little apprehensive at first because in my mind, I have a mental block when it comes to mixing powder with water. I do just fine with fruity flavor your water packets, but not protein shakes. But for you guys...I did it. I put on my big girl panties and mixed it up.

Simple enough. You drink about 1/3 of your water and pour the big old packet in.

I chose to go with the strawberry flavor. There is also chocolate and vanilla.

I give it the thumbs up. It was much "thinner" than I thought it would be. I think I will try mixing my chocolate one with milk next time. There was no after taste, and at 16 grams of protein a pop, it's not a bad way to take some in!

If you would like your own sample of the 3 flavors, just leave a comment and I will pick with a random number generator.

K?

I would like your comment to tell me what your stripper/porn/naughty person name would be. In case you dont know, you take the name of your first pet and the street name you grew up on. From example, my boom boom name would be Pebbles Knoll. Kinda sassy.

You may now go forth and comment.

Happy Tuesday

Blog Karma

2011-07-25T11:37:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, there were only a few of us out here blogging and rambling (I always feel like a grandpa telling a story of how I walked uphill, both ways, in the snow). Now there are so many of us. We multiply like bunnies. But I wanted to share 2 "new" blogs with you guys.

First is Nathalie over at The Poky Little Cupcake. She only has four followers and one cannot maintain a blog if they feel like no one is reading.

Second is Canuck Bandit. She's Canadian. She can sing. She uses like "Totes" for totally. Therefore...I like her. She is also of course, newly banded.

So there you have it. Go forth and read. Also, you can link you blog here in the comments section as well if you want to.

Party on Wayne.

A Pain In My Neck: My Body Is Disintegrating

2011-07-25T09:29:00.000-05:00

On July 3rd I hurt my knee. I was working out, doing mostly lower body that day, and stepped down from the bench and *sharp pain*.

That weekend at the boat, I woke up with a crick in my neck. Several times a year my neck freezes up for a few days. I have to turn my body like robot to see from side to side. It sucks. But it passes.

Well, 3 weeks later...the neck pain is only worse.

Let's discuss in a little more detail.

First, back to the knee. The knee pain I am sure results from me acting like I don't have the knees of a former 327 pound woman. When I do lower body workouts I hop, jump, lunge, squat...and I have apparently pissed off the knee joint. SO FINE. I will go lighter on lower body and just focus on upper for awhile. This is not good news for "Operation Booty Pop". As you may recall, I was targeting my assticles so they would pop out more.

Well, then the neck pain started and spread to my left shoulder. Neck pain is muscular (I am a doctor and know these things), and the shoulder pain is joint related. The shoulder pain is also pretty intense, but at least it only hurts when I lift my arms. SO, last week it was so bad I was in tears. And then Heather says this to me:

"Babe, you may need to take a COUPLE of weeks off from working out so your body can get better".

And I preceded to cry for the entire ride to work.

Stop working out? What if my muscles disappear? What if I actually have to watch what I eat?

Because when you can't work out your lower body AND then you cant do any lifting that doesnt require your shoulders...well folks...there ain't much you can do!

And that makes me very sad.

But my neck pain is really intense and constant. I mean...CONSTANT. I was trying to pull chicken off the bone last night prepping it for soup, and my neck was spasming. I can't look down in the shower. I can't roll over at night with out sucking in my breath and giving myself a pep talk.

I hate it.

My primary care doctor left, so I called a new doctor today. They can't get me in until Wednesday. After I got off the phone I cried again. I don't know if a muscle relaxer will help, but I will tell you that nothing is touching the pain so far. The wonderful Jennifer from Dr. Friedman's office called in 800mg of ibuprofen for me and even hand delivered a cream to my door. It doesn't make a bit of difference. I have tried heating pads, beer, wine, cookies. Nothing is helping.

I don't know how people live with chronic pain.

So happy Monday.

Damn it.

Vitamins: The Follow Up

2011-07-19T10:57:00.000-05:00

Hi Friends! After my exciting post yesterday about vitamins, I thought I would throw in the pee pee story for giggles. Sometimes I wonder what people who ask me to pitch products on my blog think once they read a post about me "allegedly" piddling in a Sumo Suit.

Anyways, some of you guys had questions about my vitamins...so I thought I would answer them. I have reworded the questions to protect anonymity (or just bc its more fun).

Question #1: Amy...do you have mad skills or WHAT? How do you swallow that multi-vitamin menagerie?

I swallow those suckers all at once. I have always swallowed my pills and never had a problem. Not even when I was at my tightest restriction. I think we are all different and I also believe that some of you are a lot tighter than I ever was (but that makes me no less of a lady). I could always eat breakfast in the morning.

Question #2: Why do you take B-12 Princess Amy?

There were just several things my doc and nutritionist wanted me taking post-op and forever and ever. A multi-vitamin, my calcium, and a sublingual b-12. Those sublinguals are actually pretty tasty, tiny as a tictac, and kinda tasted like candy. I requested Dr. Friedman to write me a prescription for the shots just bc some people report feeling a "rush" or energy burst from the shots. I did not. Damn it.

Question #3: Why do you take what you do hot lady? Why not just a multi?

I had my bloodwork done 2 years post op. I would think depending on insurance, you could request yours to be done at anytime. It's fun to find out what's-a-missing. I was really low in vitamin d, b, etc. So, they told me what I should be taking and that's why I am taking it.

Question #4: You don't do calcium chews? Do you have a swallowing fetish?

Great question audience. During my last visit with the nutritionist, she said that personally, she believes Viactive be overrated and there is no difference between the pill and the chew...except price. My 100 tablets of Calcium chews, from walmart, were about $6.

Question #5: I am from Canada. What is the conversion to Canadian rubles?

$6 is equal to 1.4 million rubles. (*please note that I made all of that up and have no idea what I am talking about)

Question #6: Why Niacin?

This one didn't actually come from Dr. Friedman my WLS doc. It came from my primary care. I am genetically doomed to have high cholesterol. He told me to try niacin, once a day...and it worked! Then that damn Atkins diet undid what I had been working on for almost a year. That's okay...back at it now!

K. I think that covers it! Toodles. And remember...you shouldn't be taking your calcium with your other vitamins. Something about something blocks the absorption of something. Google it.

Ta ta!

Sometimes I Pee At The Wrong Time

2011-07-18T14:49:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, I worked at a summer camp in upstate New York. It was a camp for mostly very privileged, predominately Jewish girls from New York and New Jersey. And when I say camp, I ain't talking about the Girl Scout camps I went to as a child where you slept on the floor and had tarps that ripe with the smell of well aged mold. Oh no. It was swanky. It is where I met my best friend Lisa whilst working, and I can say that it changed the course of my life.

It also happens to be where I had one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Every year we would put on a "welcome show" for the campers. Each area would do a little skit. Some would sing. Some would dance. You get the idea. Everyone would gather in the big building and we would perform on stage. So, roughly, 300 people.

Well, I worked at the boating and canoeing beach and had 2 other staff members under me. We decided we would bring our plyaks (think hard yellow kayak thingies) onto the stage with us, stand behind them, and bang them with our double ended paddles. Sort of like STOMP. We would be screaming and banging and then go into our routine. Well, one of the other girls was named Emma. She was sweet, VERY quiet and peaceful. Pretty much the exact opposite of myself. Well during all our practices, I wouldn't make Emma scream while banging, but I kept telling her "you HAVE to be really loud when we do this for real. It's really important". She promised me she would give it her all.

So we are opening the show. We are on stage. 300 people watching. And this is my third year at camp. I am known for my "showmanship" shall we say. I am 21 years old. Lights come up. And sweet mother...Emma starts screaming. I MEAN YELLING AND BANGING. I am so shocked and startled, and it is so funny. And I can't stop laughing.

And then I start peeing.

I am standing there, in swimsuit and tutu, probably 275 pounds, squeezing my legs together. Peeing on stage. And from the audience, you can't see it, but its starting to puddle. And I panic.

I can't leave a puddle of pee on the stage for the all the other people.

So I start to roll in it.

Like...rolling around.

I don't remember how it ended. I am pretty sure we just had to walk off and didnt finish.

In about 5 minutes time, everyone knew that Amy had pee pee'd on the stage.

That's my legacy.

Now, sometimes I still wee a little if I laugh too hard. Last summer this happened on the boat.

There was this other time, that involved a Sumo Suit...but I will save that for another day!

Thank you and may the force be with you.

Vitamins and Still Scale-less

2011-07-18T09:50:00.000-05:00

When I do good at taking my vitamins, this is what helps me. I load them all up on Monday and keep the little container on my desk. I take Biotin, Vitamin D (5000), Calcium, Niacin (for cholesterol), my multi, and B50 complex. I should also be taking my B12 shots or sublinguals. I don't really like the shots and was only trying them vs the sublinguals to see if I experience a "rush". Dr. Friedman said I can't feel the rush from the shot bc I am so high on life.

Where is he right now? I think he needs a hug.

Speaking of hotties...sweet mother of supernatural creatures. For those of you who watch True Blood, last night way yummy. Eric and Alcid. The end. For those of you who don't watch...we can still be friends. But it may be hard. hahaha....just kiddin. Maybe

I only have 2 more weeks until I can weigh. I will tell your that for the first 7-10 days it sucked. Now I don't care too much.

I hope all is well with all of you guys!

Happy Monday

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

2011-07-18T09:43:00.000-05:00

Like a girl who is really good at playing hard to get (that is totally not me btw), I thought if I took forever to blog you would miss me and appreciate me more. Did it work?

Really though, I have been meaning to blog but then I forget. And then I say "Okay, I am TOTALLY blogging tomorrow"...and then I forget. Sigh. But I am back.

So let us enjoy some pictures from the weekend of the fourth when we went to my parents boat.

Jello shot induced crazy eyes.

My father, boat lady Moe, and meeeself...dancing a jig.

My brother and I.

Heather dressed up in her "outfit" for the party.

My mother made me wear it.

Young love. Or old love.

The party float. That's me in the purple bikini. I wore a two piece around Humans all weekend.

I made my dad take me skiing at 630am so I could get some smooth water. As you can see, it wasn't that smooth!

Now that we have caught up on all those festivities, I shall resume posting as normal.

The Green Zone, Unicorns, And Other Imaginary Things

2011-07-07T11:23:00.000-05:00

Many of us have heard about the "Green Zone"...this elusive zone we are all chasing after. When properly restricted with the Lapband, you are supposed to reside in the green zone. At this point, you feel satisfied with small portions, don't get stuck, make healthy choices, don't snack or think about snacking, etc. Please take a lookey-loo at the chart below.

I would like to talk about this little chart and where I am right now. I had a fill scheduled for yesterday, it was my pre-scheduled six month check up. Tuesday I started to have a mental breakdown about whether or not to go. This breakdown included tears and irrational emotional outbursts. Because let me tell you's sumpin.

I can check the yellow boxes AND the red boxes on almost every area.

For example: If you are too loose, you can eat "any amount of bread, pasta, rice, along with protein and veggies". CHECK. BUT, if you are too tight you find yourself eating : "candies, chips, ice cream, pastries, pies, soda, soups, protein drinks". CHECK

or

You stop eating when the food is all gone but want more (too loose). You stop eating when the band makes you feel uncomfortable (too tight). Check mark, check mark.

You feel me? I find a lot of the things listed in the red column have nothing to do with physical hunger and/ or proper restriction, but so much to do with snacking, head hunger, and old habits. I can eat an entire plate of alfredo pasta, with peppers and chicken AND a heaping side of broccoli with no problem. BUT, give me one hot dog and a little potato salad...and that might not work. My band may be the perfect restriction but I will STILL think about food all the time.

I feel like I am not making sense. My point is, for me, the band helps with my portion control. Getting a fill will not help at all with my snacking control. I eat out of boredom. I eat junk food because it takes oh so much better than healthy food. It just does. My brain is programed for cheetos. I have to fight that urge.

And here is why I was really torn about getting a fill. If the number on the scale sounded better, I wouldn't care if I lost another pound. I am actually at a really good place with my body. I kinda dig it! Yes I have the body of someone who has lots mucho weight, but it's a healthy, fit, size 10ish, 170 poundish, can ski around a lake and do a pull up kinda body.

This is why I am not weighing (and still haven't) this month. I am so SO sick of talking about my weight. I am sick of feeling like 171 makes me fat, but 169 makes me thin.

So I went to my appointment and told Dr. Friedman everything I pretty much have told you. Aw, I love him. He gave me a fill (but only bc I said my portions were big), told me I don't need to lose anymore, that I am hot enough. He also made me stick out my hand so he could slap it (after confessing all my sins). I told him that I kinda like that, and I may just go eat bad so I can come back today and he can slap me around again.

I met with my nutritionist after that. She asked me if I ate junk food because it was around...I said NO. I will go and find it. I will leave work to go to the store and buy junk. We talked about healthy snacking options I might like. I told her I am trying to eat celery. Told her I am using organic peanut butter with the celery. She told me I might want to try putting laughing cow on it. I will try that. I told her I am trying to eat the 100 calorie cottage cheese and fruit mixers, that I use reduced fat wheat thins to eat it. She suggested looking at other crackers with higher fiber. Good point.

Heather made me make some rules that I am going to try and follow over the next few weeks. This is one of the times I cried, because I am tired of thinking about it all the time...I just wanna live my life. BLAH! But some of the things I am going to try and recommit to our:

Water: at least 100 ounces a day. I did this religiously during my first year of weight loss.
Snacking: When I got's to snack, I am going to have healthy options available.
Crap removal: If the food I am about to put in my mouth doesn't have nutritional value...energy, fiber, protein, etc...I am going to try and reconsider eating it.
Pop/Soda: I can only have a diet drink after I have drank at least 60 ounces of water.
Beer/Wine: None for 3 weeks.

So there you have it. Nothing groundbreaking. Just doing some of the things that helped me lose 120 pounds my first year.

But there was a difference. At 327 pounds I WAS MOTIVATED. I was sick of hurting, I was sick of being fat, I was determined to be a success story. I didnt like where I was. I had goals and I didn't want to let myself of my fellow bloggers down.

At 170...I'm just not that motivated. Again. I like me now. I don't know if I have what it takes to be determined enough to lose 10 more pounds because I don't really need too.

And that kids, is my mental block.

Happy Thursday

Your Creativity Needed

2011-07-01T06:54:00.000-05:00

Yes. I need you again. I know. I am exceptionally needy.

I need you guys to think up a fantastic name for my heart walk team. It will have men and women on it. Its for hearts...so something catchy and funny that has to do with hearts, valves, pumping, etc.

The only thing I have thought of that I kinda like is the Hearty Heart Harrrrr's. Like pirates. And we can wear eye patches. You know I love eye patches.

So watchu got?

Goodbye Numerical Self Loathing

2011-07-01T06:49:00.000-05:00

At least for one month. Today's weigh in, the last first and the last for the month of July was 172.4.

Do you know what I realized the other day?

I only "hate" my body....I only pick my body apart...I only feel down and discouraged about my body...when I am comparing it to other's.

To put it in a this-is-never-going-to-happen-scenario-but-it-makes-a-point example: if I was on a stranded island and I was all alone, I doubt there would be a moment that I would look at my body or think of my body with disgust. It would be perfectly fine. I could collect coconuts. I could run from wild animals. I could swim. I could sunbathe nude.

But here in the real world, if I am surrounded by "nice body people", or at the beach and see stomach's without loose skin, or thighs that don't resemble elephant skin...well, then I start to compare. Same thing with my weight. I don't mind my body at this weight. Seriously. Sometimes I feel super fly. And I feel fit. But when I see or think of those of you who are 10, 20, 30 pounds lighter...I start to feel bad.

This was a good realization. It has helped me lately shut my brain up when it's talking the smack. So think about it. Do you do the same?

Mama's Gotta Have A Plan

2011-06-30T13:31:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the big day friends. The day I part ways with my scale. Several of you have been living scale free it seems, and some of you want to play with me (ooh..that sounded like fun).

SO, I have to have a plan seeing as how I am going to the parents boat for the long weekend. My original plan was to drink and be merry. But now, since I won't be able to see the damage in numbers, I feel as though I might need to be better behaved.

I am taking my cute Tarvis tumbler with its lid. I will drink more water than Diet Sunkist, beer, or vodka (man...this plan sounds suckie already).

I will try to make positive food choices a majority of the time. I will eat what is served and enjoy it, but focus on portion control. Yuckie.

I do not need to drink much beer, seeing how I don't enjoy it much anyways.

Wine. Man...its going to be hard to not indulge. I like wine now. WHY DID YOU PEOPLE HELP ME BECOME A wine-o? WHY? But, instead of drinking 4 bottles by myself, perhaps I will just drink one.

I am going to be active. First, I am going to ski my heart out. I am going to make my dad take me real early, like 6 am, when the water is still smooth as class. I am taking my workout clothes just in case I can convince myself to go running. Probably not on that one.

And there...that is my plan. Nothing crazy. Just some guidelines.

OOH, and I plan to take lots of pictures and have lots of pictures taken.

The end.

Asking For Money

2011-06-30T11:28:00.001-05:00

My father and my dog both have something in common.

They are going to live forever.

And they are going to live forever because I wouldn't know what to do without them. So. Just so you know, they will be the first dog and dad to live forever, or at least as long as me.

My father almost broke this rule though when at age 45, he had open heart surgery...and 6 bypasses.

Today, at the young age of 68 (what's age though when you are immortal)...he is still kicking ass and taking names.

You have met Big Al before, but I shall reintroduce you:

So, a couple of weeks ago, I recieved an email from our CEO here at work...asking me if I would be a Team Captain for the upcoming Northwest Florida Heart Walk, benefiting the American Heart Association. I couldn't say NO. I mean, he is the CEO. And if I have to raise money, at least it is for something that we Workman's know all too well. (It's close to our heart...who doesn't love a tacky pun).

The problem is...I don't like asking for things, especially money. I feel guilty. BUT I AM GOING TO DO IT.

Now...the Heart Walk isn't until October 1st. For all my girls here around Pensacola, I would love for you to be on my team and come and walk with us. You don't have to raise money yourselves, but just showing up and supporting the cause would be awesome...and if you happened to donate a little...well...that couldn't hurt.

For the rest of you, if you would like to donate, I would appreciate it. I was going to link you right to the Heart Walk site, where you can contribute...but the minimum donation is $25. I don't know who has $25, so I put a donate button over on the right side of the blog that will link you to paypal. I think a paypal donation can be as small as you need it to be. Trust me...I am the girl that sometimes only has .33 cents in her checking account...so if you CAN'T donate...that's okay. I promise. If you can only donate $2.00, that is okay too! Think if everyone just donated $2.

So there you have it. My plea.

namaste

Update: I am adding the official Heart Walk widget as well. This links your right to to their site and you dont need paypal. However, the minimum donation is $25. But just in case :)

My Measurements

2011-06-30T08:43:00.000-05:00

I did not take my measurements before surgery. So for those of you just beginning any weight loss endeavour, I recommend it. My first recorded measurements post surgery were on June 22nd, 2009 (5 months post op, @ 254 pounds, and 73 pounds down.

So, June 22nd, 2009

Bust: 49
Waist: 41 (smallest part)
Hips: 53
Arms: 19.25 (6 inches above elbow)
Belly: 53 (2 inches below belly button)
Leg: 32

As of today, June 30, 2011

Bust: 38
Waist: 31.5
Hips: 41
Arms: 14
Belly: 40
Legs: 25

I am 5'4" tall, and weighed in today at 172.4.

I actually do not like taking my measurements. They are more discouraging to me than the scale. The scale I can blame on things like muscle vs fat, water weight, salt.

The measurements are the measurements. For example, the last time I measured was Dec. 4, 2010. So, nearly 7 months...my measurements havent changed. EXCEPT, I have gained an inch in my arms and 2 inches in my belly.

mmmhmmm...whatchu think about that.

I am actually glad for the gain in my arms, bc I can say with certainty...that's muscle. The belly...I don't know. I did read that muscle takes up more room than fat, but I dont think that two inches below my belly button as any more muscular now than in December.

But here is something. Heather, miniature tone little Heather, let me take her measurements back in January. She is almost 5'4, and 124 pounds. In all of her measurements, with the exception of her belly, we are only about 2-3" different. Her belly is about 9" smaller than mine. But her waist is only 2 inches smaller. Funny huh? Funny because it tells you how different our shapes are. She is more like a pencil, and I am more like an hourglass. But also funny because I see her as so damn tiny. And she is. I have several pairs of shorts I wear at home that are Heathers. Now, she does like to wear her shorts baggy and roomy, and I wear my clothes a little more fitting...but whenever she tells me "try my pink shorts on" I am always braced for them not fitting.

And I am always shocked when they do.

Are mine are whack sometimes.

TGIT! One more day until Friday!

Eaten By The Podcast Monster

2011-06-30T08:29:00.000-05:00

So yesterday, instead of listening to music while working, I listen to my ~~other girlfriend~~ Jillian Michaels podcasts. I love Jillian of course and think ~~dirty thoughts~~ highly of her. I realize that she, like most fitness professionals, has her own opinions and "facts". But I do enjoy hearing her point of view and advice on certain topics. So when I went to circuit last night I was all pumped up on Jillian Juice and must have said "Jillian told me today..." at least 23 times.

No joke.

So in my own words, these are some of the things I took away from my podcastathon.

1. Again she talked about vanity pounds. She said if you have 5-15 pounds to lose, those are probably vanity pounds. Your body is healthy, but you want to change it a little more.

2. You cannot spot train to lose in just one area. Heather says this all the time as well. When you lose weight, the way you work out and/or what you do or do not eat will not take away fat "just from your ____ ". You will lose from all over, or wherever your body wants you too. Often people will ask Heather what they can do for their abs. And she tells them "diet". Meaning, a lot of us who work out regularly have good abs and a solid core but we have fat covering them. Bastard fat.

3. If you want to ad bulk (she said she was talking to men for the most part bc women rarely want to add bulk...um...but I was listening) then you need to find out what you 1-rep max is. So if I want to add bulk to my chest, I find what I can press ONCE...the heaviest I can go...and then figure what 85% of that is. Then, I press that weight 3-5 times, for at least 3 sets. Interesting. So yesterday, just for fun, I pressed 50 lb dumbells to see if I could. I could. But it was hard.

4. I have to go back to drinking organic milk. After I watched Food Inc. (if you havent...you should), I was doing good buying organic. But then I kinda strayed away. Well, Jillian says that a normal cow produces 14 gallons of milk, and a cow that is hopped up on steroids and antibiotics (which we drink), produces 100. That ain't natural. Back to organic I go.

5. She talked about letting your body rest and recover. I know I don't do this like I should. I take the weekends off, but I should have a day in between. OR, work upper one day...and lower the next...and so on. Which I am trying to do better at. But without proper rest, your body can't rebuild.

6. Injury is no excuse for not exercising. If you have a bad shoulder, work your lower body. If you have a bad knee, work your upper body.

7. um...I think that's all I can remember.

8. OH, she told me that the HOUR after a workout is the "golden hour" for eating. I had said 30 minutes in my breakfast post yesterday.

Putting On My Grumpy Pants

2011-06-29T08:56:00.000-05:00

I am a MOOOOOD today folks. Let us examine the why's shall we?

1. The power went off last night, for what seemed like an eternity. So at some point, although I cannot verify for sure, I believe it was approximately 400 degrees in our bedroom.

2. After the power came back on, I was then in superclingygirlfriend mode and was trying to tell Heather, through a series of nonverbal movements, including but not limited to wallering, tossing, and turning...that I wanted her to spoon me. WHY she could not sense this while she was asleep is beyond me, but eventually I just started pouting and scooted all the way to my side of the bed. Unfortunetly, she didnt see this either through her closed eyelids. Then I turned to glare at her and she was so precious looking...which made me pout all over again.

3. I am having a shoe crisis...coupled with a pants crisis. Sometimes I get bored and want to wear something I don't wear very often. Today that is a pair of Express slacks in a camel color. WELL, camel and khaki can highlight my ass and rear thigh cellulite, so I have to wear the power panties to smooth that all out. And they suck. So, strike one in the closet this morning. I love sweating as a I get dressed. THEN, I went to put on my new black heels but they were too high for these pants so I couldn't wear them, so I am wearing a nude colored heel that doesnt match my camel colored slacks and that bothers me!

4. I got to work and my backup battery pack for the computer was beeping. After calling the help desk, I realized the entire breaker for the office was tripped which means the mini-fridge in the office, which contained a new gallon of milk I had purchased yesterday, had been off all night. WHICH MEANT I was going to have to go and get milk in shoes that don't match my pants.

5. I am dieting. And that makes me grumpy in and of itself.

6. My body hurts all the time. I have muscle soreness from lifting, which I can deal with but just one day I would like not to be sore. But then I have joint soreness which sucks even more because it makes me feel old. I have started doing some plyometrics during circuit (jump training/using your own body weight) and all that jumping is bad for my knees and legs. Huh...go figure.

So there you have it. The list for the grumps.

Go in peace.

What I Eat For Breakfast

2011-06-29T08:06:00.000-05:00

Most days at work this is what I eat for breakfast. It is the Atkins Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar and some 2% milk.

The bar has 19 grams of protein, 2 net carbs, and 240 calories. I found this little guy when I was doing Atkins, and like it for several reasons. Although it is not something you will probably ever crave for its superb tastiness, it is not bad. It is also very solid and takes me about 10 minutes to eat. I take a bite, put it down, have some milk...rinse and repeat. And while it has the same amount of calories as a Snickers (trust me, this is how I have justified eating a Snickers for breakfast recently), it is a good way for me to NOT to start my day off with tons of sugar.

Now, I like my 2% milk. I could drink 1%, but for a few extra calories, I prefer the 2. Depending on whether I drink 1 or 2 cups, that is anywhere between 8-16 grams of protein.

This is also a great breakfast for me on mornings I work out. 30 grams of protein within 30 minutes before or after working out is a good rule of thumb. Your muscles are very hungry and use the goodies in protein optimally at that point.

ALSO, this will hold me for a few hours before I am physically hungry again.

Happy Wednesday. I am extremely grumpy today and probably should be quarantined until further notice.

Oh...So You Think Peer Pressure Is Gonna Work?

2011-06-28T13:04:00.000-05:00

Well you are right. So I was hemming and hawing on my decision to go scale-less for the month of July...fitting and appropriate yes...as it is the month of of Independence here in the great states of the United.

Anways, essentially I was talking myself out of it but because so many of you were like:

"OOOH, Amy if any can do it. You can"

or

"If you do I will do it"

OR

"Amy, you are a beautiful moon goddess...go for it". (I made that one up)

I will do it. I think the only way to bring peace into my mind during this non-number focused month ahead is to really commit to being the best bandster I can be. Working out is a given, but the food is not. So I will have to choose a healthier diet with more consistency.

A couple of scary pause points if you will.

#1. We are going to my parents boat for the Fourth. I had planned on drinking and participating in nonsense all weekend, but we have to limit my drinking now. EMPTY calories. That's okay. I run am actually more fun to others when I am sober, as Drunk Amy is sometimes moody and needs even more attention than normal...if you can imagine.

#2. I have to see Dr. Friedman next week for a scheduled visit. Which technically means there will be a scale involved, but it's not my scale...so it doesnt count. I don't know whose bright idea it was to schedule a damn appointment right after a holiday. I was probably in some sort of love haze after seeing Dr. Friedman so I can imagine I just replied "Sure...schedule me anytime...sure..."

#3. My weight is at an all time high (since reaching goal). It is 175.4. ShhhNIKES! I don't know how or why...but mama no likey.

What is funny though is there is a noticeable difference (to me and Heather anyways) in my body. I was looking at a picture of me when I met goal in my bikini, and one taken recently. I am the same weight, but you can see a slight difference. More tone, less skin. I will see if I can take a picture tonight and do a side-by-side. People keep saying "you keep getting skinnier"...and I tell them..."actually I haven't lost anymore in about 6 months...its just shifting! I hope that is true.

It's Tuesday people! Let's do this!

psssst. come here....

2011-06-27T16:50:00.000-05:00

I want to tell you something.

I have decided...that for the month of July...

I am not going to weigh myself.

Nope. I am not. This thought has been jostling around in my skullbucket for a couple of weeks. I didn't know if I wanted to commit or not. I didnt know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I didn't know if fairies existed. Now...thanks to True Blood...I do.

Regardless...

Let us role play in Amy's brain.

and...scene.

Stage left: Lights come up on Amy. It's early morning. Freshly pee'd, hair dry, and body naked...Amy steps on scale.

Scale reads 169.4. Amy feels skinny and on the verge of supermodeldom. Lights dim.

Stage right: Lights come up on Amy. She steps on scale. Again, freshly pottied, dry as a bone, and nude.

Scale reads 173.4.

Amy feels like fat cow. Maybe she should visit Jenny's doctor to confirm cow-ness...right before she punches him with her bulbous bicep powered arm.

End Scene

What I am saying is that where I am right now where I AM, I think I need a break from the scale. It fluctuates a little, and those fluctuations sometimes play a part in my mental place...regardless of whether or not I have gained an inch...I can feel fatter.

You know what I am talking about.

So, starting July 1st...I will weigh for the month and be done. My intention, for the month of July is to try and eat cleaner and make better choices and just live my life.

It's kinda funny this fear that makes my heart race. For the last 2.5 years, I have weighed and focused on the numbers.

But here is what I know:

I know what I need to eat. I know how my body reacts when I make the right choices. I know that me weighing in at 170 or 160-whatever, that a few pounds up or down on the scale, doesn't show on my body. I know that my 170 looks different than other 170. I know that I am healthy. I know that the BMI chart is a pile of dragon shit. I know that if I start taking whey protein and creatine to grow my muscles, that is probably going to grow the number on the scale.

SO. There. I said it to you. And now I have to do it.

Happy Monday!

Such A Pretty Face

2011-06-23T08:55:00.000-05:00

You already know what I am talking about. We have heard this many times in our lives as fatties. "You have such a pretty face"...

And for most of us...we wanted to be MORE than "just a pretty face".

Well, dating and loving a woman has many fun facets to it that you don't get to enjoy if you are dating a man. One such "fun facet" is that when you are dating a man...you never have to worry about him stealing and using all the tampons in the house...leaving you with none when you start your period...causing you to have to harken back to the dark ages and make some sort of contraption to stuff in your underwear until you get to the damn store...

But I digress.

Another thing that is different is that because Heather is a woman..and I am a woman...we talk a lot more about bodies, diets, etc...than you would with a normal man partner...

So we were watching The Voice several weeks ago and Frenchie is on. For those of you who watched American Idol years ago, you know Frenchie. Anywhoozle, she is a big gal who has a beautiful complexion, self confidence...and yes...a very pretty face.

And Heather said as much. She said "She has such a pretty face".

And I said...fat girls don't like hearing that.

And she honestly did not understand where I was coming from. Bless her thin girl heart.

"But it's a compliment", she said.

Yes, I told her. But when you see a thin person, you never say "She has such a pretty FACE." You just say "She is pretty". But people say "such a pretty face" and it insinuates that her FACE is pretty...even though her body is not.

You dig?

It was just funny to me that it had never occurred to Heather...and I bet a lot of people who have never been identified by one feature because there others are less than desirable.

Just food for thought.

Happy Thursday!

A WLS article that didn't make me mad

2011-06-21T09:56:00.000-05:00

This is an interesting article: Obesity Surgery Yields Clues To Weight Loss Mystery

A couple of thoughts...

1. It mentions that one third of us with WLS will regain all of our weight within 7-10 years. I vow right now that will not be me.

2. It says that those of us with WLS : "They're losing more weight than they ever had before and not only are not hungry, they have to force themselves to eat."

Lord I wish!

3. Turns out that the brain have to do more with hunger than they previously thought. Um...hullloooo!

4. I thought it was interesting the different way a gastric bypass patients body handles the hormone ghrelin vs those of us with the band.

Women And Weight

2011-06-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

We had a new girl start in the office yesterday...and by the end of the day...I knew she was on a diet. I knew because she mentioned trying to stick to a certain routine for her lunches.

And it got me thinking...

How crazy is it that I don't know one woman at peace with food. I don't know one woman who eats for the joy of it. Or at least eats for the joy of it and then doesn't question it or feel guilty if too much joy was had. I don't know of one woman who doesn't doesn't have to think about, mull over, anguish about...food.

You remember in Eat Pray Love when Julie Roberts went to (um...Rome I think?). And how she decided to just eat. Not to become unhealthy, but she wanted to give up all the worry and just enjoy.

Do you know of such people? And they can't be bullshiters. Like those people who pretend they never think about it.

What about you guys from other countries or those of you well traveled?

It's daunting isn't it? Maybe it should feel comforting...all of us being in the same boat.

Thoughts?

Hair In All The Right Places

2011-06-21T09:14:00.000-05:00

So. That's it. It was like sign or something that I had to post about this. It's on every blog I look at. I can't ignore it any longer.

HOWEVER...

As I find out more and more of my family members read my blog, I do think about lady-fieing my blog posts...making them more lady-like.

I can't do. So father...if you are reading this...now may be the time to stop.

It's time to talk about our favorite subject: BODY HAIR.

First, we shall start with the decent topic of facial hair. Someone asked me many moons ago on here if my facial hair has decreased since losing weight. Remember...it was my theory that all the fat hormones that were surging through my body were like hair fertilizer if you will to my whiskers. I hoped that upon losing weight, I would have less old lady whiskers.

Alas. My theory did not hold true. Apparently, much like a field of deeply rooted oak trees...once they are there...they are there to stay.

I shall henceforth blame my facial hair on my mother's side of the family. The Roether Whisker Gene is alive and well.

Now. Yesterday I checked out a new blog, thanks to Lapband Gal. She's not a band gal, but she is funny. And she may have changed my life forever. She had a very funny post about her own pubic hair and stated this: "Well Dr. Oz said that the real evolutionary purpose of pubic hair is to absorb odor and disburse pheromones to attract a mate."

Oh. My. Gosh.

So if I actually had some in would increase Heather's desire for me? After finding this out yesterday, I quickly called Heather and told her my new plan and that I was going FULL BUSH. Hello troll-hair...here I come! She is going to be on my like white on rice.

I don't think I can do it though. I don't think I can commit to a grow out. But...just in case...I conditioned my stubble last night.

Moving on, this morning I read Kristin's latest post on her accidental Brazilian. And I loved my comment so much that I had to post it here...because I really do want an answer.

My comment: is buttcrack hair removal standard fair with a Brazilian? I am really only asking for my own knowledge, as no one has every waxed my lady station...but I would like a smooth choco-starfish as well BUTT I think it would really hurt.

Always a lady.

One time my mom tried to wax the back of my thighs for me. I was on all fours and she put the wax on and I remember every time she went to pull it off, I scooted across the bed away from her. I no likey the pain.

Happy Tuesday!

Took A Little Off The Bottom

2011-06-20T11:43:00.000-05:00

Thursday I wore a "new" outfit to work. I vacillated on it before I left the house...I was having a crisis with both my outfit and my hair. The outfit consisted of black slacks, a white tanktop, and a black vest. It was a lot of black and white...and even with accessories...I wasn't feeling it.

So when I got to work, Heather said "what's going on with this outfit...you kinda look like cocktail waitress".

Strike one in the "Amy is already sensitive ball game".

THEN, a few minutes later she asked me when I was going to get my haircut? (I have been putting it off and it WAS in bad shape and overdue). But she told me it looked damaged.

Strike 2 & 3.

I burst into tears.

Damn it. I must be hard to date sometimes....because all I heard was a looked like a waitress with damaged hair.

So, after some hugs and kisses from Heather...trying to pull me back from the edge... I managed to pull myself together long enough to get to the car. I then drove home and changed.

Anyways, Heather said she would fund a haircut and color....so off I went! I told Desty to cut off what she needed. She told me that one of the worst things I can do to my hair is use a crappy flatiron (which is what I have). I bought so yummy deep conditioner...and the new flatiron will be the next purchase. She said it will probably take a couple more haircuts to get the yuck hair out.

I like it. I like having it feel healthier. I like it off my back. I never can make it look as good as Desty...but I will keep trying.

Happy Monday!

Eating Clean

2011-06-17T07:27:00.000-05:00

So I have been mulling over this crazy idea of "eating clean". Have you been reading up on it? Have you formed an opinion yet?

Here's one definition from Livestrong:

Clean eating is a diet program based on the idea that the best way to eat is to abundantly enjoy whole foods -- that is, foods as close to their natural state and you can get them. This means eating fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins instead of pre-packaged, processed foods or fast food. Clean eating is also committed to replacing saturated fats with healthy fats. Many on the plan don't count calories, but instead trust in good quality, healthy food.

Do you eat clean? I will say that a lot of the meals and dinners I make are pretty clean. I use lots of fresh veggies (bell peppers & onions are our favorite). We eat broccoli. Our grains, pastas, etc, are usually always whole wheat. If I do anything packaged, it is something like quiona or whole wheat pasta.

But during the DAY? Shooooot. That's another story. I bring canned soup, Atkin bars, cheese, etc. When I drink soda, eat chips, candy, etc...that ain't so clean.

So I think I would like to start making an effort to eat cleaner. Nothing CRAZY and wild, but just starting.

The thing is people... (Bridget the new nutritionist in Dr. Friedman's office...this would be a good time for you to go get a glass of water)...

I don't like a lot of "clean" veggies. Raw carrots...YUCK. Snap peas, asparagus, cute little cherry tomatoes (if I dip them in ranch I can eat 'maters...but I don't think ranch is very clean). I love me some canned green beans, canned peas, corn on the cob. I actually brought some celery today bc I AM TRYING to like it. Of course, I must dip said celery in peanut butter...

but peanut butter has protein!

And fruits...well, some fruits are hard to eat with the band. You can't just crunch into an apple without thought, banana's give me problems sometimes, I have been known to pukie up some grabs (skins are tough). SO it's HARD TO EAT CLEAN.

And yes. I am fully aware I am just making up excuses.

So...FINE! I am going to give it a try...

um...maybe starting tomorrow.

Wanna play?

I Can't View My Poo

2011-06-16T11:08:00.000-05:00

I am listening to a Jillian Michaels podcast about salt/sodium AND, not related to the salt...pooping.

There is a doctor chatting about how you need to look at your poop. She said that for those of us (I will refer to us as LADIES), who flush before they even stand up just so I can't catch a glimpse of anything in the toilet..well...she said we need to look.

We need to be aware of our turdlettes.

I can't do it. I don't want to see it. Nope.

Have I told you my irrational fear of wet toliet paper? I know I have. But it GROSSES ME OUT! OH MAN!!!! Like in public restrooms, or near a shower. Even when Heather takes some TP and wipes the counter or something...

I start to gag.

She thought it would be funny the other night to take a wad of wet toilet paper and set it on my toothbrush. When I tried to beat her, she grabbed the wad and chucked it at my nude torso...and it stuck. It stuck right on my ribs.

I almost threw up.

So. I will not be looking at my poop. I will trust that it's okay.

Godspeed poopy.

Amen.

The Support Group Meeting: A Recap

2011-06-16T10:33:00.000-05:00

Thank you for all of you suggestions. I am pretty sure I covered them all. I talked for long enough TO BE SURE. I was sick of my own self by the end! But I did a little presentation using Prezi.com. Have you guys built presentations in Prezi? Man...it's fun. And so much better than Powerpoint.

Anyways, I wanted a presentation because everyone loves pictures. I covered everything you told me to:

Who I was before and Who I am now.
What I eat.
What I drink.
What I wish I had known.
The dreaded PB.
How much I exercise.
What my body looks like underneath my clothes.
You guys.
Heather.
The scale.
Pooping.
Headhunger.
What the band can do and what it cannot.
Being a forever fatty.
How much I weigh. How much I've lost.
Goal setting.

It was okay. It was tough to speak to only 3 band patients and the rest a room of Gastric Bypass.

I did ask Dr. Friedman about the vertical sleeve and his feeling about it...specifically if someone had to have their band removed for whatever reason, would he recommend a VSG or gastric bypass. He had very strong opinions about the VSG. I don't want to speak out of turn or mis-quote him...so I won't...but he is not a fan (to put it nicely). He basically said that Gastric Bypass is the gold standard and a sure thing (at least for the first few years).

So thank you guys again.

I love yous!

Support Group: Starring ME

2011-06-14T10:41:00.000-05:00

Tonight I am presenting at our hospital's support group. Officially, the title is: Making the Band Work For You. Unofficially the title is: The Girl, The Myth, The Legend.

Possibly a smidge too much?

Of course I am nervous. First, support group usually consists of roughly 40-50 people, with roughly 98% of those being Gastric Bypass. So...I want to make sure my presentation is general enough that everyone can take away a little something. Afterall, we all struggle with many of the same issues.

Second, and this is super important, people have to laugh. I edu-tain. A little education with a healthy dose of entertainment. But I also must practice lady like behavior...which is HARD. For example, I probably shouldn't say "make exercise your bitch"....although I do love that.

Third, I want to inspire. But I would like to do so without coming off a) arrogant b) pompous c) epicly stupid.

And then there is the real issue.

WHAT TO WEAR? My outfit must meet all of the following qualifications:

1. Hot without appearing desperate
2. Cute and sassy without appearing tacky
3. Slimming
4. Must show muscles

I think I have a cute little black jersey dress that will do...I just worry it will be too much. I am too much sometimes without a too much dress.

So let me ask you guys. The smartest people I know. If you were going to a support group and there was a presenter about the band who was 2.5 years out, what would you like to know? Is there something you would want to ask but not have the nerve?

Hung Up On Sizes

2011-06-09T09:05:00.000-05:00

I shall concede that it is exciting when you get into a lower size. I will be giddy at my first size 8's...if and when that day ever comes. However, when you are shopping for clothes...you have to keep an open mind.

Let me give you the back story. My niece, a recent college graduate from Kansas University, and a future songwriter in Nashville (she is moving there at the end of this summer), it battling the weight loss monster. She is working out and eating right. And one of the many rewards of weight loss is new clothes. However, my sister said that she is stuck in not wanting to buy a "bigger size" even if it fits. We have all been there. It made me realize though, that somewhere along this journey I have stopped caring about the number when I am shopping. Here is a great example.

The slacks I am wearing today are from Kohls. They are a size 10 and fit fabulous. However, my other pair of black slacks are a size 12 and also fit smashingly. I ALSO have a Calvin Klein pair of jeans that Heather loves and are actually a smidge big but fit just out of the dryer...and they are a size 14. Sizing is crazy folks.

You have to dress for your body.

One of my biggest tips I can give when you are shopping is to give yourself time to try on all different cuts and sizes. JCPenney's for example has slacks that look the same on the hanger, but some are 'modern cut', 'curvy cut', 'straight cut'. Take them all in and see what works for your body.

Another thing I decided early on when shopping while losing weight was: I only bought it if it fit THEN. I didnt buy something that was too tight and then have it set in my closet for months. Mainly that is because I don't have money to spend on clothes and then not wear the clothes.

But buy for the size you are now.

Try on clothes. Lot's of them.

Don't be afraid of showing off your curves.

Try something different. Maybe just one piece that is out of your comfort zone (um...this doesn't mean wear hot shorts and a tube top to church).

If you go to some stores where the sales peeps are on top of it, make them work for you. Like the first time I went for jeans at the Buckle. I told the precious little girl that I wanted jeans that "were midrise, dark wash, smaller in the waist, bigger in the thighs." She brought me all different kinds.

OOH, and find yourself a tailor if needed. Sometimes I wonder about just how tall the "average" model is. She must be 5'10" and thus most average pants only work on my 5'4" frame if I am wearing really high heels. So sometimes I take my slacks to a tailor. They only charge $7 to hem the pants. Totally worth it.

And really...here is the clincher. We all know that once you fit into a size....like if you have one pair of size 8's that fit, but all your other clothes are still size tens...

well that size 8 totally trumps the size 10's and you can officially claim to be the smaller size.

That's the rule of weight loss.

Duh.

Cancel the Fushia Alert

2011-06-08T14:26:00.000-05:00

I was thinking that we should come up with a term for when bloggers go A-WOL. You know, like the Amber Alert but with a different color of course. Fushia? Magenta? Puce?

A Puce Alert?

Think on it and let me know.

Anyways, I haven't been absent for any particular reason, other than I have nothing creative or core shaking to share...and I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS. So rather than bore you, I just blog stalk. So carry on.

Let us see. Anything to share?

I pooped in the Gulf of Mexico once.

I will save that story for one day when we meet in person and you want me to regail you with such tales.

My favorite new magazine is Oxygen. It is a women's fitness magazine for women who really work out. Like, the girls in it all have muscles (not scary man muscles), and the there are tons of articles on different workouts, foods, etc. I get so tired of Shape and Self, that are more like a "athletic light" version of Cosmo. So if you see Oxygen on the newsstands, pic it up.

I have been doing pretty good on watching my food intake and upping my cardio during circuit. I have added squat jumps (hateful things), jumping lunges (hateful things part duex), plie jumps, bouncing with a twist, etc. I do cardio at every other station. I am also trying to focus on building my back and chest a little more. If I am going to have sad little low hanger boobies, they might as well be hanging off a solid pec muscle.

And I am obsessed with my back muscles. Sometimes...just sometimes...I catch a glimpse of them in a mirror and I am sad that I cannot lick them.

All this increased cardio has me sweating like a BEAST during circuit. It's awesome.

Hey, I mowed the grass this weekend. (claps)

And I did it in just shorts and a sports bra. GASP! Now I don't have a stomach like Catherines...and I try not to inflict the general public with my midsection...but it was hot and I said WHAT THE HELL! Also occuring whilst mowing...I was yanking the push mower in a momentary lapse of adulthood (aka pouting) and rammed it into my port. I thought "would that be awesome if I injured my port MOWING GRASS".

I am entirely jealous of Gilly and LapbandGal because they are celebrities. Also, Lapband Gal went to a pole dancing class, and we don't have those here in Pensacola...but sweet mother of titty tassles...if we did...I would SO be on it. And by it...I mean the pole.

So, I am not going to Chicago BUT...the other day as I was blow drying my hair I thought of something. If I WAS going to Chicago, I think all of us should pose in our underwear and bra and have someone take a picture. You know, like the Dove commercials where they have women of all shapes and sizes pose? It would be awesome. All of us loving our bodies no matter what the size. So, if you still want to do it SANS me...go for it. I will just be jealous.

One last thing. Do you know when you are referring to someone in your blog, like another blogger, that linking their name with a hyperlink to their blog is superbeneficial for that blog? It increases your chances of coming up in a google search, etc. So if you have the chance...try to link. It takes a little time, but it's kinda blog karma.

Happy Humpday humpers!

The Humping Day

2011-06-01T14:24:00.000-05:00

Greetings BOOBs, blogger, stalkers, and peeps. Today is Wednesday in America. How about where you live?

I am just pluggin along this week. Doing the damn thing. Living the good life. Working. Working out. Eating split pea soup for lunch (which was kinda tasty).

I had a good weekend. Spent it up in Defuniak Springs...water skiing and playing around. Man. I don't think I love my body more than when I am skiing. It is the perfect example of how the band can give your more than jeans that fit. It has given me a body that works for me.

Sadly, upon consumption of a little substance called beer, skiing becomes a bit more challenging. Oh, I still get up...but it turns out I fall down and go boom boom sometimes. And the worst, or possibly the best part, is that it doesn't hurt when you do three somersaults over the wake...until the next day. Sweet mother of BenGay...I am still sore.

I have no pictures of myself to share from the weekend because NO ONE TAKES PICTURES OF ME! (bitter much).

So I will share a few I stumbled upon whilst facebooking.

This was taken last week. Juuuust kidding. But I was down about 20 pounds I think in this picture. It was post surgery for sure.

And this one is from early this spring. Who dat standing up? ME! I actually don't mind my legs in this picture.

Kisses!

Ass Talk

2011-05-26T14:04:00.000-05:00

My girlfriend has a really nice ass. And I say that as non-sexually as a girlfriend can say. It's one of those asses that you see in fitness magazines. Like a high bubble. Like two cantaloupes attached to the lower back.

It's annoying.

And lovely all at the same time.

But I want an ass like that...you know...attached to my own body.

We Workman's are notorious flat-assers. We have the girth, but not the POP! Wide and...well...wide. At some point I did have a shelf ass, but I am pretty sure that was just where my ass fat and back fat met each other.

So awhile back I posted about how I was going to embark on Operation Ass. This meant that at least twice a week during circuit, I would focus on adding more ass-tacular, if you will, moves. Walking lunges with 25lbs in each hand. Reverse lunges, forward lunges, squats with weights, jump squats, various yoga moves such as awkward airplane, half moon, and some other position that I can't think of the name.

And it is working just a wee bit.

However, in addition to working the assticles, it is also building up my quads. Which, mama has always had strong quads, so now they are nice and visible whenst flexed, but increasing slightly in size.

And if you have been paying attention to my life these last 2.5 years, you will know that I have the thigh-to-waist ratio pants shopping problem-o that several of us suffer from. MY THIGHS ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.

That may be a tad exaggerated, bc at least the front of thighs don't have cellulite. But shopping is frustrating at times bc I am pretty sure that the fit models they use for clothing are thigh-less.

Sigh.

As I was wondering around the mall today, pre-shopping shall we call it (you know, when you don't have any money but need to scope things out just in case when you DO have money, you will know what you must have?), I thought of the cruel irony that now that I can shop pretty much anywhere size wise, but no longer have credit cards to shop irresponsibly with.

And for the first time, I was thankful for a moment that I wasnt this size in college when I did have those wonderful plastic magic cards bc my debt would have been triple what it was.

Happy Thursday Bloggers and Readers alike!

Jillian Michaels and Blogger

2011-05-26T09:03:00.000-05:00

As a few others have mentioned, I can't comment on most people's posts! And I have had some really funny things to say lately damnit! So I need someone who knows more than me to figure out what is up!

Also, I think that I lost 26 followers overnight. I could have sworn that I had 780 and now I have 754. And I didn't even post anything controversial or particularly nasty. It's gotta be a fluke right? What if there is a movement to de-follow me? Oh my God. Is it because I said on Facebook last night that I can't wait until Color Me Bad comes out with a greatest hits album? It is...isn't it.

How many of you follow Jillian Michaels on Facebook. I love her. And if it is really her and not an assistant that does her status updates, she is fun to follow. Of course there are the health and motivation updates which are actually really good, but there are personal updates as well which makes me feel like her bff. If only should we call me. Sigh.

Anywhoodle, she also does Podcasts. I have never downloaded a podcast before, but for our roadtrip to the mountains, I downloaded one of her recent ones on plateaus. You have to go find it if you have itunes. It's free and it was super interesting. In a nutshell, she believes plateaus are bullhonkey. At first I was a little defensive in my brain...bc we love to talk about our plateaus. And then she started talking about calories in and calories out, which at times I don't believe. But she made sense (forgive me Jillian for doubting you). She basically said if you plateau you are most likely doing something wrong. She said that in fact, you could be stuck on the scale because you are EATING TOO LITTLE. We have discussed this all over blogworld before...how it seems like if we up our calories a little, we actually move on the scale in the right direction. What she really focused on was calorie deficit. If your calorie deficit, (based on your BMR, what you are eating, and the calories you burn exercising), is too HIGH then your body won't want to lose. Of course on the other end, you could actually be eating too much and your calorie deficit could be too little. She said a calorie deficit of 700 is usually ideal.

It was interesting stuff.

She also talked about vanity pounds. I will use me as an example:

When I was 327 pounds, my body knew it was overweight. Changes to my diet and then exercise got my body all excited. It was ready to lose weight. It responded. Well, once you get to a weight that is close to your ideal body weight, your body doesn't know that you want to lose 10-20 more pounds so your ass LOOKS better, or your love handles are a little more lovely. You are going to have to work even harder to lose the pounds for vanity because your body is in a healthy and complacent state already.

K. Love you's. And if you find my 26 lost followers...tell them to come back to the fold. I miss them already.

Two Types Of PBin'...And I Ain't Talking Peanut Butter

2011-05-24T12:50:00.000-05:00

So the PB. Many of us have been there. The proud. The brave. The many. Some have not been blessed with these happenings. The few. The lucky. The someday it may happens.

For me, there are two types of PB's that I shall discuss.

1. The IT'S GO TIME MUTHA-F%$!*'S PB

This PB comes swiftly, like the sword of a well-trained knight from King of Thrones. I can be eating something and know, by the tell-tell signs of tightness, that I am stuck. THEN, a couple of things start to happen and they all have to do with my mouth/jaw.

At the back of my jaw (this is the Magic School Bus explanation) I picture little pods of slobber. When the IT'S GO TIME MUTHA-F%$!*'S PB starts a'coming, these pods start to tingle. And they start to produce saliva. Which in turn, I swallow. And where does the slobber go? It goes down my pipe and sits directly on whatever is stuck. The backup of slobber it pretty rapid bc it's coming out of my pods at an alarming rate. So within minutes of getting stuck, it's all coming back up. FAST. This is actually my preferred method of PBing, bc it's over quick and there is not usually subsequent PB's to remove more food debris. HOWEVER, it's bad when you aren't anywhere NEAR a PB receptacle (aka. toilet, Ziploc baggie, trashcan). This happened to me when Southern Belle and I were dining at the ever classy Rainforest Cafe in Chicago last fall. It was chip induced and we were on the upper level. The bathroom? DOWNSTAIRS! Result? I threw up in my mouth and held it until I made it to the leau.

Oooh, this also happened to me that one time at MellowMushroom. I had just eaten pizza and then someone bought us a shot of Patron. Yeah. In hindsight, bad idea. I made it to the bathroom but not to a stall. I projectile slimed everywhere. On the wall. The rug. Good times.

Now, the second PB:

2. The WHAT IN THE HELL IS STUCK INSIDE ME pb. This happens with things like meat. Or bowtie pasta...which even though I don't have proof, I believe it is manufactured and shipped straight from Satan's kitchen. This PB can take hours to end. There are usually several rounds of this. A lot of dry heaving. Some praying. Some bargaining with your God or Goddess about how if it will just come out, you will never eat it (whatever it is) again. For me, these are loud affairs and I come out looking as though I have been crying/working out/slash breaking out in hives. This one is super unpleasant for social reasons because if you have to end up in a public restroom, most people in the stall next to you are probably assuming you have a touch of the bulimia.

I have been tempted to come out of the stall and pat my belly and say "Wow, this first trimester is really hard".

So there you have it. My PB summary.

God speed.

Why Our New Bodies Aren't Enough

2011-05-24T07:59:00.000-05:00

For those of you near your "end game", or close to goal...you may have noticed something.

Your BODY still isn't good enough.

I clearly remember when I started blogging, and how I felt when "skinny" fat people, weighing in at 220 pounds, compared to my 327 pounds...would talk about how fat THEY were. I thought..."Damn. What I wouldn't give to be 220!"

And then of course, 220 came and went. And one day last fall, 170 arrived. There is was. My goal weight. The weight I couldn't have really imagined ever seeing. And for awhile...it was enough.

Until it wasn't.

On vacation, whilst relaxing in the hot tub, I was watching a show of sorts go on underwater. Caught up somewhere in the movement of the water was my loose skin. Of course I was hot tubing sans swimsuit...so I had a clear view of the action. My stomach skin was sort of floating up towards the top...as if ready to breach the surface to gasp for air. I could touch it. It was fun to play with. But it was disheartening.

And we could beat this dead saggy horse all day couldn't we? But what I could articulate for the first time was WHY it wasn't enough. Because again, I am healthy and fit. I am a size 10. I should be content. 160 pounds ago I would have sworn that if I made it this far I would be good to go.

But here is what happens. When you are morbidly obese, all I really wanted was health and fashion. I wanted to be healthy, and all that it entails, and I wanted to be able to shop like a normal person. But when you become healthy and less shopping challenged...once you reach this mecca called "Maintenance", you are no longer the morbidly obese person striving for health. You are a healthy person striving for....For something more. More muscle, a smaller size, less saggy skin, etc.

So yes, the Morbidly Obese Amy would have been happy with 170 and a size 10 and a little saggy skin. But I am no longer the MOA. I am the fit and thick Amy...who wishes now for things that most likely will never be. I won't have a tummy tuck bc it's just not worth it to me. My stomach isn't so bad that I want to endure the pain. And most likely, if I ever did have one, I would then be sad I had a scar. I can't fix my cellulite. Ah, that's forever. My stretch marks too.

But I am not really complaining or throwing a pity party. I promise. I just wanted to shed some light on a side that I didn't ever really understand. How once you are "normal"...or just want a little more normal. You enter a different level with your body and your mind...not necessarily a higher one...but a different one.

Vacation Mayhem

2011-05-23T14:24:00.001-05:00

There really wasn't much of it...mayhem that is! But I will share and recap with you guys! Here is the cabin we rented. I can't speak highly enough of this place. It was even better than the website and pictures made it out to be. It was huge of course, and would be perfect for a family. It was three floors, clean, well decorated, up-to-date furnishings, a pool table, and a huge hot tub. We wanted a place to get away that we could have the dogs. It was pet friendly, secluded, and perfect. I wants one.

This is us before we left. Shelby, my dog, has done lots of traveling and it crotchety in his old age. The pigs haven't ever gone farther than an hour or so in the car. They all managed pretty well in the backseat of the truck.

We went hiking one day. We hiked to some waterfalls, and then kept hiking up the mountain for about an hour and a half one way. Damn...it was some up hill climbing! I enjoyed it though and we didnt see any other human beings....which I always enjoy.

My one disappointment was that since it was "summer", we werent allowed to use the fireplace. I loves me some fireplace now.

Relaxing with Honey May on the wrap around porch.

We went whitewater rafting on our first Saturday there. The high was 61, is was cloudy and windy, and poor little Heather was frozen from the get go. Even I was cold and really miserable about 30 minutes into it. I would do it again in a heartbeat though. It was class 3 & 4 rapids. I did manage to "ride the bull" in the last bit of rapids....you sit on the front of the raft with your legs dangling over and hold onto the tow rope. It was badass.

Rockstar if you will.

I would have bought pictures but they were expensive! Even for a photowhore like me. We ate naughty (well...I did...more than usual). Fried green beans that were to die for, pizza, apple cider donuts. Yum.

Mr. Scale was not appreciative of such fine dining, and rang in with a horrific 173.4.

Blah. So back to work, back to working out, and back to working the diet. In all honesty I haven't worked the diet in awhile.

tsk.

tsk tsk tsk.

Happy Monday loves! I have missed you!