Friday, November 22, 2013

Day 4 With The New Girls

Well there you haven them. The before's and the four days later.  Once my mother finds out I have posted these pictures, I am sure I will receive a call reminding me that if they are on the internet...they are forever...and that someone in China may be stealing my credit card info.

But until then....let's face it.  We know each other.  You know about my turkey know when I get sunburnt on the cho-cha.  You have seen my boobs pooling in my bra. 

We are at the point in our relationship that I can share these pictures with you. can't even see my nipples. head is not in the pictures, so technically...if these ever appear on 20/20 or The Queen Latifah show...I can say they aren't mine...that I was just holding them for a friend.

So they day of surgery we arrived bright and early.  6:00 am for check in time.  They called me back into the changing room where I got my pretty little robe and these sexy compression socks that hit me at mid thigh.  They should brace you for was very much like recreating the moment when I open the can of cinnamon rolls and half of the dough is sploojing out of the can...except the dough was my thigh meat and the can was the compression sock.  So I got those on, opened the door and blew a kiss to Heather, and padded back to the exam room in my baby blue non-slip socks.

I was nervous.  More nervous for this than the lapband.  After they started my I.V., my sister and Heather came back to keep me company until Dr. Patterson arrived.  Once he came it, he stood me up with his magic marker and started drawing out the masterpiece.  He asked me what size I wanted to be.  I said small C.  I told him to keep these words in mind "cute, perky, sporty".  We were not going for "pornstar".  He was on board.  After that, I kissed Heather goodbye and headed to the operating room. 

The operating room is the scariest part.  I remember it being the scariest part of the lapband surgery.  They strap you down before you are even asleep. 

And then..


I am awake. 

After I could talk and make  a little pee in a cup, I was free to go.  Heather took me home.  I took my pain meds and slept for a little while.  Then I watched Season 5 of Sons of Anarchy with Heather...and slept some more.

On day two, we drove to the doctors office for my follow up.  All looks well.  I can't tell you how many times he and his office staff stressed the importance of DOING NOTHING...that the worst thing I could do was try to do too much too soon. 

When I first saw the new tats, I was pretty happy.  I was expecting bruising or something.  My nipples are taped bc they got snipped off for the lift, and the scar under my boob where he inserted the implanted is also taped.  The tape will stay on for 2 weeks...unless it falls off sooner.

They are still really swollen and high.  It will take about 6 weeks until I get a true idea of what size they will be, and up to 6 months before they start to really take their place where they will settle.  Heather keeps calling me Dolly, but has been a really good caretaker. 

The sportsbra/compression bra that they gave me to wear is super tight.  It is a size 32.  I wear a 36.  But, the tightness of that and the swelling in general has made my band pretty tight.  I don't know if it's the tightness or my pain meds, but my appetite has been minimal.  Which is awesome bc this not being able to work out is freaking me out.

I will keep you guys updated! 

hugs and motorboats...

Amy have some bent over pictures of the old girls...but I will wait and reveal those when I can take some bent over pictures of my new girls.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Tomorrow I'm Swappin' Out the Sags for Some Perky Girls!

Above is a picture of the last time my girls will run an obstacle race.  They will be replaced tomorrow with new chesties.

Here is the skinny.

I am getting a breast lift with augmentation.  The lift is performed first.  He will make a keyhole incision around my nipple, take the nipple off, cut out the extra skin, put the little nip back on and stitch it up.  Sort of like this.
Then, the implant will be put in through an incision under the boob fold. 

Dr. Patterson talks in cc's.  So when people ask me what "size" I will be, I am not sure.  Probably a C.  He will decide during the surgery if he will be putting in 300cc implants or 325cc's. 

My surgery is at 7:00 am and it should last 3.5 hours. 

I have taken before pictures.  I will be wrapped/bound until my 2 day post op on Thursday.  He will unwrap me and take a look see, then wrap me back up.  I should be able to shower after that, so when I return home...I will try and take the first after picture.  I will try and post side-by-sides at least weekly. 

I am nervous, scared, and excited.

Let's cover that in the order as listed above.


That I will die.  I mean...anything can happen right?  I will be covering this matter with Heather when we get into bed tonight.  In lieu of flowers, I would like donations sent to the animal shelter in Topeka, KS.  I also have two life insurance policies that give Heather and my mother a good deal of money.  I mean...not enough to whack me over...but enough.  Heather is to donate some of that money to the shelter as well.  At my funeral, I want there to be a dance off between some of my favorite queer fellows, meatballs, and queso.  I do not want to be cremated.  I want to either be dipped in bronze (or platinum) or entombed so people can worship me.  Also, I will let Heather know that she is not to date or have sex again.  At least for 10 years.  This is not a Nicholas Sparks novel.  I do not wish her to find happiness with another meaty woman for a very long time.  Then end.

I am scared that I will not like the new boobies.  AND THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY TO SPEND ON SOMETHING SO PERMANENT!    What if they are too big?  What if they are too high?  What know?  There are a million what if's.  What if Heather hates them? 

I am also scared of how much pain I will be in.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance...but I just don't know what to expect.  Maybe it won't be that bad. 

I am scared that maybe they will look amazing...and that will make the rest of me look even worse.

And excited...

Yes.  I am so excited.  I am excited to be able to wear a strapless dress.  I am excited to be able to bend over during sexy times and not be distracted by my swinging ladies.  I can't even really imagine.

I am off work for two whole weeks...which is also rather exciting.  Heather will be with me for 3 days.  I will post again as soon as I can...

until then...

hugs and kisses and sweet dreams of fields of lilacs and pert nipples!