Thursday, April 29, 2010

Hair-Tastic


As promised. Updated hair. Not much different, a little lighter and a little shorter. I was there for over 3 freakin hours! Amazing yes? Not my hair, but the three hour part!
kisses!

Pee Pee Pee...All The Way Home

Do you guys ever pee a little when you PB? You know...make a little wee wee when things get really stuck?

Ever piddle a little whilst unsticking your self?

No?

Oh.

Me either.

Brain Spooge

Sometimes, when I am at work, I get these brief and fleeting moments of genius about things I want to blog about. So...I jot a little note to myself. The problem is, I make them cryptic and then when I go back to look at my notes...I have no idea what I meant.

For example:

Filing Cabinets
People Bigger
Sugar
Jumping rope

These are just a few and after I think on it for a little while...I can usually remember. SO, my point is, I have been keeping a running list this week and now we shall discuss.

1. I was watching Good Morning America the other day and do you know how many grams of sugar an average woman should stay under during the course of a day? 25! That's right. 25 grams of sugar should be your max. Do you know how many grams of sugar are in one of my Skinny Cows? 19! So this may be news to no one but me. But I just wanted to share because sugar is a sneaky bitch and you may not know how much you are consuming.

2. Thank you guys for all the comments on my dance skirt! And yes...you dirty minded bloggers...Tracey does enjoy the skirt. And to answer Drazil's question, I do have the red granny panties that go underneath, but I had a thong on instead! And do you know how short those skirts are? For realz! I can't believe they let us where them at school! They are one gust away from making young girls whores! Sweet mother!

3. So, another question was do I get frustrated when people say "You don't need to lose much more", or "I hope you don't get too skinny"? No. I find it funny really that people even say such things. For one thing, I know that I am lucky that I carry my weight relatively well. I think that must come from my mom's side of the family...so thank you Roethers. So, when I tell people "Well, I am still 189"...they either fake disbelief or they are really surprised. God bless em. Also, it is a concern because some weight loss patients do get "too skinny". And look unhealthy. And sadly, they often can't see it. They become "The Crazies". You know...those WLS patients who have gone to the opposite extreme, and at one time recognized this crazy behavior in OTHER WLS patients but somewhere on their journey they BECAME those people. If people think I look healthy and hot at this weight, that is flattering. I hope they can handle me just a little lighter though. Watch yo selves!

4. Along those same lines, can we just talk about how weird it is when you aren't the biggest person in a room, a meeting, etc. In fact, you are actually thinner than at least 1/2 of the people? I mean...it's WEIRD. At 327 pounds, it was a rare day at work that I found someone heavier than me. And now I am kinda normal. WELLLL not NORMAL! When could that ever happen. But you know what I mean.

5. Oh. Something bad happened the other day at circuit. When I get to the lunges station, I jump rope instead. I want to up my heart rate and cardio. So I jump. I never face the mirror. For no good reason really except I want to make sure I dont hit anyone with the jump rope. Well, Monday...I faced the mirror.

Big Mistake. Huge!

Sweet jiggle fatbelly batman! I kid you not. If you could video tape me jumping rope in my tank top, and then slow down the camera, you would think you were watching the wave action from A Perfect Storm. Someone should have told me that every bit of fat from Misses Pubis region up to my boobies moves in a horrible way when I jump rope. And now I don't know what to do! I want to keep jumping, but my girl crush trainer is in there and I have to be at my sexiest at all times! CRAP! DAMN MIRRORS!

What number am I on? I lost count!

86. I have a haircut this afternoon! Whipeee. I am in desperate need my friends. Dead ends, gray roots, faded blond. Mommy needs help. So we shall see how it turns out!

143. Last night at Zumba Mary and I had a blast! During the jingly scarf section of the program, Priscilla asks for any volunteers to wear a scarf. No one volunteered so I screamed and pointed at Mary! I said "Mary wants too". I bet Bandita is glad she didnt go! So Mary got to wear the scarf and for being "volunTOLD", she also got a free pass for the next class. Mary also posted on her blog about how we rub our ports. Like pregnant women rub their belly without thinking about it! I rub the damn thing all the time!

K. Tata gumdrops!

xoxo

Amy

Monday, April 26, 2010

An internal peace.

Sometimes when big things happen I am so excited that I don't really act excited at all. This happened once in high school when I won Winter Royalty Queen. They called my name and inside I was so happy, but on the outside I looked pretty calm and collected. I knew that I had made my parents proud and I was just so happy, relieved, and peaceful.



So, when I look at the picture below...I just can't believe that I am here. At this place. And it's a good place. For those of you who have read my introduction, you may remember that in 7th grade, my first year in junior, I made the dance team and I had to have my skirt made for me. They didn't make a skirt in a size 14, so we had to buy 2 and have them sewn together. I will never forget how that felt.



Well. I still have that skirt and top. My mom actually gave me the skirt this weekend. I held it up and said "That is so tiny".



And then I put it on.



And I am so happy. This is the smallest, and oldest, piece of clothing history I have. It is 17 years old. And what is even MORE amazing...I will soon be smaller than I was at 13.

That makes my heart and soul feel...peaceful.

No matter what the scale said today :)

Peek-a-POOPIE. Come out and play!

*I seem to have some hide-n-go-seek theme lately with my post titles*

I took some poo pills. "Gentle", they say on the box. I am hoping for a 6 pound poop baby to come out later tonight. It could happen you know!

I just hope it doesn't happen while I am lunging and squatting at circuit tonight. No public loose bowels please. Not today. Not tomorrow.

Drazil's post earlier reminded me that I ate 2 ears of corn this weekend. I love corn on the cob. Although, Florida corn is NOT the same as Kansas corn. Just so you know. I wonder where all that corn is in my body right now?

Something traumatic happened yesterday. I left my water bottle at the boat! You know...my favorite Thermos brand intak water bottle. So Tracey being the sweet peach that he is, bought me another one. It's a pretty blue.

Also. Do you know what today is? It was my mini goal day. I have, since the beginning of the band, set my mini-goal weight markers for every 3 months. Which worked out to about 30 pound increments. Today I was supposed to weigh 177. I didn't reach that goal. This is the first one that I havent met!

BOOO HOOO

I did eat a lot of processed food this weekend. You know what is funny? I have become so accustom to the way we eat that I find it shocking when others don't make the same decisions. Here is what I mean. We don't eat white bread or pasta. Everything is 100% whole grain. My parents...they are white breaders. We no longer use iceberg lettuce, we eat spinach instead. No sugar. We use Truvia. Extra virgin olive oil versus canola. Peanut butter with added Omega-3 instead of regular.

It's just little changes for the better that are now are norm. And I like it.

Eyeroll: The Weigh In

Are you ready?

I mean really ready for what I am about to tell you? This is the kind of news that makes you hug your children closer, call you life partners and tell them you love them, and check your rations in your storm shelters.

It's bad.

In fact, it's worse than Band Babes pictures of her 13 pound skin removal.

Last weeks weigh in gave me a weight of 189.5. For four days, Monday through Thursday, I was the perfect bandster. No snacking. Protein meals. Working out.

For 3 days I ate lots of snacks whilst boating and relaxing. My meals weren't that bad, and I even worked out a little.

I gained....

6.5 pounds

Yes. I said it. 6.5 pounds! In 3 days. Over a weekend? Come ON!

OMG. WTF. KJOIUJLOJK LKJ and every other abbreviation you can think of.

Now I KNOW that I couldn't have gained 6.5 pounds in fat. REGARDLESS! That is beyond stupid. Shocking.

I haven't pooped since Wednesday. Could it be that I am literally full of shit?

Sigh.

Well, what can a girl do? I am pulling up my big girl panties and soldiering on. I want those damn pounds gone THIS WEEK. And I want 2 more on top of it.

CRAP!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

The Boat and Home Again

I am happy to report that I have returned! I haven't stepped on the scale yet...I will save that special treat for tomorrow. It was fantastic to see my parents and their new digs! I haven't seen them in four months and I missed them so damn much!

My parents crack me up. My dad kept saying "I can't get over your face." My mom invited her girlfriend over to see the "new me". hahah...yes. It made me feel good. I did get this question from my dad, "How much more do you want to lose?" I told him 20 more pounds until my original goal. He said, "Well don't get too skinny".

That makes me giggle. I don't think I am built for skinny. And it's kinda crazy to even think that would be an issue. I don't think it will be.

I take full responsibility for my snacking this weekend. I will tell ya, I just don't do well when there are naughty things to be found.

I am looking forward to a week of detox!

Time for pictures! Here is my parents boat.
My new swimsuit ala Target. Size large. $17.99.
Do you like the little white non tan marks from my ruffly bikini?


My mom and Tracey driving the big boat.

We took the canoe out for a little upper body exercise. I paddled Tracey around and all the fisherman laughed and yelled funny jokes at us. We also went for a walk and ran the outdoor ampitheatre stairs one morning.


Yes. I travel with the jingle skirt. You just never know when one must perform.


My mom and I playing Yahtzee. She cheats. That's all I have to say.

The sun, the pirate flag, the river. Good times!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Peek-a-boo....I miss you

SHAME ON YOUS! I had a simple request...a bloggin blackout while I was on a mini-vacation. And behold...you still blogged!

Sigh.

It's official. The world, in fact, does NOT revolve around me.

My worst fear has been confirmed!

We are still at the boat and heading home tomorrow. It's been storming here all day, but it doesnt matter! I am with people I love and loves me a thunderstorm!

I have been a bad...bad...BAD girl. You see...here is what happened.

First, I promised Southern Belle I would not eat any Oreos. And I haven't. Promise kept. I did not however promise her that I would not eat chocolate chip cookies, hostess cupcakes, cheetos, sugary candy, and about 10 diet sunkists.

For real. I have revised the idea that I did not need my fill last week. I pushed it back until next month. I am not basing this on all that crap I ate bc a majority of it was slider crap. But for dinner tonight I actually ate so much food that I was full.

Not top pouch full...but lower stomach, after Thanksgiving dinner, sick to my stomach full. I havent felt that since before the band. And it was disgusting! I didnt really eat an ENORMOUS amount. I had about 2 ounces of steak, corn on the cob, and a little round shortcake with whip cream on top. But I ate it all very fast and that damn cake went right on down. What made it worse was that I was already kinda sick from the 6 cookies and milk I had eaten about an hour before.

Yucky poo.

I wont be able to weigh in for the swimsuit challenge until early Monday morning because we won't get back until late tomorrow night.

Mama is scared.

We are taking lots of pictures and so many good compliments have swelled my head. Too bad my stomach is also swollen from the poison.

I will update more tomorrow hopefully but I need to say one last thing.

My question on Thursday about what do you hide behind...I was blown away and moved to tears with your responses. You guys were so honest, and really thought about your answers! I read them over the course of the 6 hour drive up here. They were remarkable. Thank you for all of your answers.

I love you guys.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Deep Thoughts and Ham Wallets

Tracey graces me with lovely southern man terminology from time to time. Yesterday, he wanted to know how my doctors appointment went and if my "ham wallet" got the all clear.



And yes it did! I didn't think of any funny jokes to tell the doc while he was inspecting my lady station. But, I was thinking real hard if that counts!



He reviewed my blood work and yes, my cholesterol is still too high. Remember when I went to my health fair here at work in February and it was 218 (and it should be under 200)? Well, it's still around 218. Both times I was checked, I had been fasting...so it is pretty accurate. I want to scream...ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Down 138 pounds and it's still high. But doc says its hereditary, and since we are a family of heart disease, he would like to put me on an over the counter med, which is actually a vitamin called Nyacin. I am probably spelling it wrong. Anywhoozle, it is meant to lower bad cholesterol and pump up the good. So I will try it for 3 months and then recheck.



I wanted to do a post before we head off to northern Alabama for the weekend. There is no way I will be able to catch up on blogs when I return, so if I miss something good please email me. I mean it.



Here is my question for you: What do you hide behind?



Your hair?

Your weight?

Your clothes?

Your kids?

Your fat?



What is your protection? I know some of you have had very open, heartfelt blogs recently where you explain why you have hid behind your weight. It made you feel safe.



So have you thought about what will happen when that weight is gone? And if it's not your weight that is "protecting you"...then what is it? For you?



For me, it is my humor. I make jokes to make others happy. I make people laugh because it brings me joy. But my humor has always been my protection.



If I can make them laugh with me before they laugh at me...I will be one step ahead of them.



I honestly believe that is why there are so few thin, hot, funny women! It was not a trait that they needed to develop...that had other traits that could get them through. I don't think that I will ever be able to not hide behind my humor. I use it when I am nervous, scared, hurt.


It's something to think about before you start getting close to goal. What's really hard to put into words is how it is weird that I am, in a sense, losing my identity. I have always, ALWAYS, been the funny fat girl. And I was proud that I was that fat girl who had friends, was a cheerleader, a dancer, in the spotlight. That is the reason I wanted to get on Oprah in the first place! I wanted to be the fat girl exception to the rule!



And now I am not the fat girl.



Well, I guess technically I still am, but in terms of the American woman's weight, I am "average".



So now what? A new Amy I suppose. A new chapter?



It's very interesting because I had never given thought to this...this change.



What a journey this is!



I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I promise to take lots of pictures! How about everyone just DOESN'T blog this weekend...k? A blog blackout of sorts!



For those of you not on my FB (why aren't you?), this is what I saw when I got into my car today! A little note from my mans. Sigh. Gotta love him.



Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A New Blogger And Needed Support

Good Wednesday morning blogland! I am still go for launch for my doctors appointment!

There is a new bandster who could use some advice and support. Her big day is on Monday.

Click here to say hi to Cindy!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Spaz Vlog: I have batwings

The Tuesday Picture Edition

First, GEN!!! I tried to comment on you blog about anything I could think of to help with your plateau and my comment never appeared! ARGH! If it doesnt show up, email me and I will retype my response.


Okay. So here are some pictures in no certain order of importance. First, I would like to formally introduce you to Rambo. Rambo is the cat you hear in many of my vlogs. He actually wasn't meowing for food in that vlog, but talking to one of his imaginary cat friends in the kitchen. He chases them around in the morning, and if you catch him in mid run...he looks at you like...yes...can I help you? And then he takes off running again.


He is a "special cat". I will get an ariel shot of him for you bc I swear he is shaped like a hippo. He weighs in at 19 pounds. He will eat dog food if we aren't careful. I will think Shelby (my dog) is in the kitchen bc I can hear the 'crunch crunch' and it will be Rambo, laying on his side, head hanging into the bowl, pawing one piece out at a time...eating it. He came to my bosses house 2 years ago this September after Hurricane Gustav. We mostly just call him Fat Boy.



Next is Gracy. She is MY cat and comes all the way from Kansas. I have had her for almost 6 years. She is soft, and ladylike. She loves to play fetch with my hair bands. She also loves to wrestle our Wii drumsticks. I am giving her to my mom this weekend. Gracy is going to become a boat cat. My mom wants so badly a cat who likes attention...and her last two attempts turned out bad. So, because Gracy has become the ultimate lapcat, and my parents are retired and can love on her 24/7, I have decided to loan her out.Gracy is the one you usually SEE in my vlogs.


And since we are speaking about cats. I saw this in my Cosmo whilst I was reading at the beach this weekend. I almost choked on my water! There are punch out stencils available in this months edition. Stencils for your pubies! Drazil! Are you paying attention? No thunderbolt stencil, but I took a picture because apparently Cosmo is secretly reading our blogs and stealing our ideas damn it! Speaking of, Tracey was joking around and mentioned I should grow it out so he could see it. I had to take him by the hands, look deep into his eyes, and tell him...No. I told him the story of the little troll doll that would appear in a faux hawk. I told him he wasn't ready. Not now. Not ever.

Next is a shot of my boobs in a sports bra! YEAH! Amy's boobs!!! I am posting these bc last week Angie and I were talking boob shop and I told her that although my bra is a 36DD, and my boobs fill it out...they look so damn small to me!





And finally I wanted to leave you with two other shots from the weekend. So often you guys will say "Don't you ever take a bad picture". Of course I do! I just don't post them! lol

But today I thought I would post two of the ones that I grunted at. In all fairness, Tracey insisted on taking the shot of my legs from behind. Part of taking good photos is knowing what works for you...and a rear shot of my thighs dear friends...does NOT work for me.


And then there is this little beauty! I was dancing in the water and doing a salutation to mermaids everywhere. But what sweet mermaid mother is rising from my shelf ass area? You see, in throwing my arms up and arching my back...I have pushed all available fat into one location. Sigh.

Wow. I think that about covers it for now!

Kisses and ear whispers!

xoxo

Monday, April 19, 2010

What Does Goal Weight Mean?

I have been pondering this little diddy for awhile now.

What in the HELL does goal weight really mean? As you know, my doctor didn't pick my goal weight for me. So I chose 170. I guess I never gave much thought to what would happen when I actually reached 170...because that number lived in the land of unicorns, mermaids, and those creatures that are half horse, half man.

That number seemed imaginary.

But now, it is nineteen pounds away.

It is real. And attainable.

Sally Hamilton blogged once about maintaining her goal weight (which is...I dont remember exactly, but in the 140's). She had set parameters, and if she gained a certain amount above, or if she lost a certain amount BELOW, then she would take corrective measures.

This has always stuck in my mind because I had never thought about taking corrective measures to get back UP to goal weight.

So, is that what we are supposed to do? Or as long as you are eating healthy and working out, do you just enjoy the ride? We have seen several Bandsters get to their original "goal" weight and make an adjustment or decide to go farther. Catherine, Angie, Mary...to name a few.

Did I just pick 170 because it seemed impossible but also NOT impossible? Should I have picked a number off of the BMI chart? Should we not pick a damn goal number to begin with?

You see? It hurts my head.

I can tell you that I am not going to stop if my body doesnt want to, at 170. I can also tell you I have no desire to be a size 2. I like my curves. I can also
tell you that I will not be picking another goal weight. We will just weight and see what happens (oh man...I am like the Mayor of Pun City today). But I wanted you guys to weigh in (oh yeah...PUN again! ). Because I don't have the answers.

I know. Shocking.

If Your New And You Know It Clap Your Hands

It is that time again bloggers. I think I will do this quarterly...to help myself (and others) know who is new...or who is sort of new...or who is old and still wants to link their blog!

So if you want to make sure people come and visit you, or make sure that we are following, then please leave a link to your blog in the comments section and I will gladly follow!

I always feel like a dumb dumb when I don't know that one of my followers who has been commenting forever might have a blog of their own!

Of course, Gilly says I am a IM whore and...so I can make no promises that if you send me an instant message under an alias that by no means makes sense or references your blog, that I will know it is you!

hhaha...

happy blogging!

Pulled Pork Tacos and Sweatpants

TADA!
Here are my sweatpants. Two looks in one!

The one bad thing about these is that they are made really thin...to give the appearance of age I suppose. Well, I am a little concerned about my thigh friction wearing a hole in them. I will keep you posted.
For the life of me I can't remember if I have shared this recipe with you. It is for pulled (or shredded) pork tacos. I have this wonderful crock pot recipe book. It was made for me. Full of glossy pictures and simple recipes.
This recipe is SO band friendly. Calorie, protein, and going down the shoot wise. I can eat it for leftovers the next day and because it is so juicy it never gives me problems.
Pulled Pork Tacos
You will need:
Crockpot (I use my 4 quart I think)
2 pound pork roast
1 cup of your favorite salsa (I use taco bell thick and chunky)
salt and pepper
2 bell peppers (pick your favorite colors), sliced into strips
That's it!
Okay. You put the roast in the crock pot. Salt and Pepper it (I accidentally forgot this yesterday and it turned out perfect anyways, so if you are cutting back on salt...skip it). Pour in one cup of salsa. Dump in sliced bell peppers.
Cook on low for 5-8 hours. I go about 7ish hours.
Then, when you are ready to eat, get to forks and shred it while it is still in the crockpot. OH MY GOSH. It is so juicy and tender.
I then serve with all the fixins: sour cream, guac, shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, cheese, whole what soft taco shells.
Even with great restriction I can eat one soft taco. Because I like to play it safe at work, I just bring about 3/4 cup of the pork and some cheese. YUMMO!
I just find it amazing how flavorful and juicy it is with just one damn cup of salsa!

Amy Blushes. It Really Happened.

I tried to record and post this earlier before Gilly could mislead you. But...sadly...she told the truth! Sorry I am slumped over...I wanted to make sure you didn't catch a glimpse of Britney and Christina (my chi chi's).

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Swimsuit Challenge Showdown

So yesterday I stepped on the scale...a little groggy. I had weighed in at 191 on Friday. I was hoping to see 190. What I saw was some number that was xx9. At first I thought it was reading 199 and that I had gained 8 pounds overnight. Not rational, but still a thought.


So I wiped my eyes and saw this little beauty.




I stepped off in fear and didnt proceed to do the scale boogie. You know. Where you step on and off like 5 times to see if it is real.
I was hoping today would show the same number so I could send it to Kristen for the challenge. And it did! Tomorrow is MY official weigh in day, so I hope it holds so I can record it and change my little ticker :)



Something else happened yesterday. You all know that I had my goal shorts. But I haven't told you about my goal sweatpants. (I don't mean something I would wear when I hit my goal weight, but something that I had decided that would be goal clothing piece). Anyways, that's right. I said goal SWEATPANTS!

They are from Victoria's Secret. And yes, I realize I am 30 and perhaps I am too old for such things...but I have coveted these. My brothers girlfriend wears them when we are hanging at the boat. Skinny girls wear them. They are in the PINK collection and only go up to a size large. I would was in Vickies and touch them. Sigh. And move on. Last night Tracey said "Just go try them on! What are you afraid of?"

So I did it. I grabbed them and took them to the dressing room.

And they fit! THEY FIT! A vintage slim cut sweat, in blue, with love pink down one leg...FIT! Tracey bought them for me! I love them so much that when I took them off last night I gave them a kiss and said "i love you". I promise to take a picture. It's mind boggling.

We went to the beach today. Below is a shot of me thinking, "Amy...if you are going to be a Sports Illustrator Swimsuit Model, you must pretend the water is not 68 degrees."
And this last picture. Well...hmmm...I don't know whose body this is. But I kinda likes it.

Lastly, next weekend we are going to see my parents new houseboat. They have lived on a boat since they sold our house probably 9 years ago. They had a houseboat for years and traded it for a cruiser so they could come down the intercoastal and go into the Gulf. Now, they traded back to a houseboat (thank God) and we are SO excited to see it!

BUT...you know that when I go up there I get a little off track, shall we say, with my eating. I have already told my mom NO chocolate chip cookies...but the problem is...I become a sneaky child and hunt out my dads stash of oreos. I get naughty. So I don't know how this will turn out come next weigh in day. I am going to try my best though and stay on track!

Because Gilly is always lurking...waiting to take me out....

hahahah

Friday, April 16, 2010

I Have A Bone To Pick

Have you found your tailbone yet?


First it was my collarbones. Oh how I love those little guys.


But then...my tailbone showed up at the party...without an invitation. I know we have discussed this before but now I have a theory.


We do this exercise at Circuit. Except the ball is bigger (8 pounds) and the mat is paper thin.


I can't do this exercise anymore. My tailbone feels like someone is stabbing it with a knife. But yet...I watch all the skinny people do it and...no PAIN!

SOOO, here my Amy theory. I believe that skinny people who have been skinnier for a longer period of tale, and thus having there tailbone more out and about, have developed a tailbone callus that they are keeping secret from us! They must have a little leathery patch that protects them. And in time...we will get one too!

But HURRY UP already! For the love of all that is holy, I am going to have to start carrying one of those hemorrhoid cushions around with me. That's going to be real hot during sexy time with Tracey when I have to say "Hold on dear...let me blow up my ass cushion".

And speaking of sex. Which I don't just PUT OUT THERE on the blog for fear of offending, but really...if you have stuck with me this long....

As my ass gets less and less meaty, and thus resulting in a closer space between me and Tracey...

well you KNOW!

FINE...penetration is much...

YOU KNOW!

Have mercy. Are people from Dr. Friedman's office reading this?

deeper okay!

But this is a valid point bc it applies to us ladies and also our fellows that are reading (hey Fat Bastard and Andrew)...bc I would assume not only can we tell the difference as the "receivers", but you can tell a difference as the "pitchers".

Sigh. Well there you have it.

No shame.

Moving on.

Last night I was sitting on Tracey's lap (fully clothed thank you) just chattin away and he said "Damn your ass is boney".

hahahahahaha! SAY WHAAAAA?

really? No one has ever said that to me. But my ass was hurting his legs! And not bc of the immense pressure of my weight. But because of my bones!

hahaha...

all is right with the world.

The Amy From Before...

Some of you have seen this picture many times on my blog. Some of you are new and didn't go back to the beginning of my autobiography when Tina (my band) and I first became one. SOME of you have gone back and read the entire thing. Bless you. I tried to do it once and couldn't make it!

But I wanted to post these since it's been awhile. When I hit 140 pounds down I will do some side by sides.

This is where I started. 327 pounds...January of last year. A size 26/28 pant. 3x top. 9 wide show. Size 10.5 ring size. I have lost 136 pounds. Where a size 14/16 pant (still not officially in 14's). My shoe size is 8 regular. Sometimes they still don't fit bc I have a very high arch. My ring size is almost a 7. I weigh 191.





It's scary to think where I would be today if I had not chosen to try the lapband. I know there are those among us who are fighting the good fight without the band (Drazil, Keelie, etc)...but I needed this little thing. Tina and I were destine to be.
I look at that girl in the picture and I want to say "KNOCK KNOCK PUDDIN HEAD...Why couldn't you just have stopped?"
I wonder when my heart attack would have happened? When exactly would my heart have failed me? When diabetes would have robbed me of my foot, my leg, my eyesight, or my life. I wonder when depression would have grabbed me and prevented me from loving and living like I am right now?
I will never know the answers.
And that's the way I like it.
Because I don't have to worry about those things now.
There are certainly times in any weight loss journey, with our without the band...that this shit is HARD! The scale doesnt move, you are eating like a nutjob, you AREN'T eating like a nutjob, you are scared this isn't for real, that you will fail, that you will disappoint.
But we learn. And we grow. And one day, without us knowing it even happened, we have changed.
And that feels so good.
If you don't think that change has happened for you. Wait for it. Work for it. Because I know it can. It did for me.
I am a girl from Kansas who grew up bigger than her friends. I am no different than any other person. No super powers. No more or no less will power.
Sometimes the stars align. Sometimes it's just our time to make that change.
Loves you to the moon and back.
Happy Friday!



Shake What Yo Mama Gave You

I have been dying to share with you my jingly skirt I get to wear at Zumba. We don't wear it the entire time, just for two songs. I love it. I like to just wear it around the house when I am dusting or cooking.

OH MY GOSH! I should make a jingly APRON!

So here is the skirt. My Zumba instructor sells them.


There are so many colors to choose from. I think I need another one!

Here are my Zumba tips. Regardless of whether you think you can dance, it doesnt really matter. Just shake your ass and move your hips! Have fun. I have found that we are all so busy dancing and tyring to breathe that we never even have a chance to watch someone else!

My new camera has this self timer feature on it that gives you 10 seconds to get in your spot and then it takes 3 pictures of you. My old camera had this feature as well, but it gave you some time to fix yourself in between those 3 pictures. Not so much on this one. It's like Bam, Bam, BAM. So this is what it caught...


And then I tried to take pictures to illustrate my pants problem. I have "penis crotch" in these jeans bc they are too big. Do you see where the crotch ends? Yep...my lady station is a good 5 inches about it.


The picture above is very Michael Jackson yes?

Next is a face shot...um...just because. It's no makeup Friday by the way. Didnt you get the memo?



I still have like TONS more to talk about so you might be getting post overload from the Amster today. But that way...it will hold you through the weekend.

Kisses!

You Just Never Know About Life

Sometimes life surprises me in the most wonderful way.

Sometimes you never know what is coming next...well...most of the time that is the case isn't it?

After fretting about not being able to go to Chicago, after a tearful blog of thanking you guys for caring so much (those were happy tears last night I promise)...

I am going to Chicago.

I meant what I said about this just being the first of many blogger conventions. And for realz...I do believe the second annual one should be in Florida...

So for those of you who cannot go THIS time, I feel your pain. You know I do. But we are meant to be together, so after Chicago there is another chance. For those of you in Australia...perhaps the THIRD annual convention can be there? Cara said we could all stay with her. And her man told me he is fine with it too! They have a pool you know!

Here are some other reasons to NOT be sad if you can't go:

1. Have you stopped to think about what might happen when 20 plus bandsters eat at the same time at the same place? Yeah. If more than 2 of us get stuck at the same time...where will we PB? The bathroom might be a very busy place. We might have to throw up ON each other. That doesn't sound like fun does it? No.

2. Drazil will be there and she will reveal herself to you. Sigh. I wish she was secretly a man. That would be the best episode of Punk'd ever! But once you see her you will know how pretty she is and then you will hate her and stop reading her blog and she will be very upset.

3. I am not sure if you have noticed the inappropriate talking among some of these blogs post...but not only do we know so much about each other it could be a little awkward (like if you were able to come then all you would see when you looked at my face is a turkey and THEN you would think of the lady station).

4. There are those amongst us that are very farty. May I suggest Gas-X for the trip ladies? See...those of you who arent going wont be subjected to that.

5. You won't have to wear tshirts with boobs on them.

6. um...you don't have to worry about saving money for this trip...

7. um....I am running out of things here.

8. Oh..it could totally turn into a catty mess! Imagine on Real World when they are all meeting for the first time and then they go into confessional and talk crap. Except...we will be stuck bc we can't talk crap on our blog bc others will know! I mean come on...that is A LOT of women!

Thank you again for all the comments on the vlog yesterday!

I am thrilled that I am going to get to meet so many of you that have changed my life in ways you may not even realize!

Yours-

Amy

Thursday, April 15, 2010

One Hot Mess of a Vlog

My arms are peeling. There are tears. Me talking in circles. Classic. I love you guys.

The Blogger "Convention" In Chicago Meets Debbie Downer

The time has come for me to post about the get together that Drazil, Jenny, and kaghead are working so hard on arranging.

First. I think it FANTASTIC! It has been something so many of us have mentioned time and time again and this time...I think it is going to happen!

Several of you have emailed me or Facebooked me about why I haven't said anything about it. I guess because it kind of makes me sad.

When Jenny first asked me what I thought of the idea I thought it was wonderful. In my mind I thought it would be next year sometime which meant I could save up for it. And then when I read the blog and it said June of THIS year, I knew there was no way. September is now the magic month and that does sound more promising, but I don't think I will be able to go.

And here is why.

(I am eye rolling at the computer right now bc I don't think you want to hear this...so I will keep it brief).

Tracey and I, like many of you, live in the wonderful work of paycheck to paycheck. We don't share a bank account or pool our money. We each pay half of the bills (I have cell and cable), he has the utilities. Half of Tracey's income goes to child support. We have no credit cards. I do have a tremendous amount of student loan debt bc I was an idiot with my money in my 20's and naively thought that upon graduation I would land a high paying job.

Yes. It is safe in my fantasy world.

After moving to Florida after college, by myself, and without a job...I had to end up taking a job at Home Depot. But that is where I met Tracey, so I can't complain about that :)

Three years ago I started my current profession and make a nice salary that pays the bills and is not bad for a nonprofit. It is still half of what I wanted to be making by now.

We are by no means poor or sinking. But I don't have an account or stash of emergency or fun money. Suze Orman would be very unhappy with me.

So when fun things are in the future...such as a cruise, vacation, trip to Chicago to meet ladies that I am madly in love with...I have to start saving for those kind of things. And I could save enough money by September...but it just happens to be that we are already saving for another upcoming event (that has yet to be announced...so pretend you don't know anything and don't even bother to ask bc my secret is locked in a vault). All of the money I can set aside is going to that.

Sigh. I am premenstrual and talking about money makes me sad and stresses me out. So I have been putting off this post for days. I guess I didn't want you think I was looking for pity because my situation is not a sad one, just a real one.

So. I hate the words "I can't". I hate saying "It's not going to happen". So I will not say either of those.

I am going to see what I can do. Let me price some things. Let me see how I can move things around.

I know it won't be the end of the world. And I truly believe this is just the beginning of real life meets.

I know we say so many times "I feel like I know you, when I don't even really KNOW you". But the thing is...we do actually know each other. I work with people 8 hours a day that know me in the physical sense, but don't know half of what you know about me in the emotional, mental, and lady dangle sense.

And don't worry. In person I am boring, dull, not funny. lol. And you KNOW Drazil is an attention whore. Could two of those be in the same room at once? Your heads might explode.

OOOH...but if I do go...can we jello wrestle each other?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Beans For Lunch-Fuel For Later

I ate about 1/2 cup of refried beans for lunch. I had to leave circuit training after about 10 minutes...out of consideration for other participants and to ease some of my stomach pain.

Won't be doing that again. In fact, as I sat in my car ruminating in my personal perfume...I almost decided not to go to Zumba. I persevered though because Mary was going tonight and I wanted to see her.

So off to Zumba I went. Mary came and I was so excited to see her in all her thin glory. She looks fabulous and even though she told me she had no rhythm and sucked at dancing...she was awesome.

We decided that Bandita better get her cute blonde headed ass to Zumba next week. She literally works a hop, skip, and a sparrows fart away from Zumba...so we are calling her out! BANDITA...WE WANT YOU!

About one millisecond into dancing I realized I was wearing my Target thong, which has no room for the lady bits, and immediately realized they were riding the little piece of material like a cowboy on a horse.

I thought about mentioning this to Mary, but I am a lady and have manners.

I wrote my post about support group and plastic surgery last night kind of distracted. To answer some of your questions, the ScarGuard is just for scars. Not for stretch marks. The doc pretty much said there in NOTHING that works for stretch marks.

We shall call him Dr. DreamShatterer from now on.

I was also surprised to him here say that if you go with just a boob lift, you actually dont usually lose your cup size. If you are a D now, you will be a D after the lift. Well I'll be damned.

I should also say that I am totally pro doing whatever is safe and healthy and makes you feel better. I know BandBabe is getting ready for her tummy tuck. I personally am just a giant baby and things like drains and blood/puss scare me. And I decided after seeing all the pictures that right now my stomach...and yes...even my inner thighs are okay. If I by chance lose a lot more weight, who knows what will happen.

Time will tell.

Oh. PS. I am planning to kick some ass with the Swimsuit Challenge this week. Um...yeah...I was thinking in the ballpark of a 20 pound loss or something. Reasonable I think.

I am also in a little pickle about my fill.

Pickle about my fill. Pickle about my fill. la la la...

Sorry, it just sounded sing songie.

Anywhoozle, I may not need one. Crap. I will do some protein focused meals and see what I can eat and how it holds me.

I hope you are all fighting the good fight and keeping your head held high!

Loves YOU!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Support Group To Scare Your Pants Off

Well Vickie and I went to support group tonight and listened to the plastic surgeon who was the guest speaker.

We both walked away with the same conclusion...

Hell no.

He walked us through all the different types of surgery, risks, complications, pictures...etc. He was honest and let me tell you...after all the stories and statistics and pictures I decided I just may be able to live with my stomach and thighs just they way they are! Drains, corrections, pain...yeah...have I ever mentioned I am a giant puss?

Now, the discussion on boobie lifts and augmentations didn't scare me and that will probably be in my future someday.

Sigh.

I did ask him about skin rebounding in general. I wanted to know if there was any truth when people say "You are younger, so your skin will bounce back". He said a little. He said it has to do with several things. Sun damage, age, genes, whether or not you are a smoker, how many times your weight has gone up and down, etc.

SO I asked him to clarify about the areas with stretch marks. And he did say that once there are stretch marks, the skin cannot go back. Damage done.

He also said that if you want your scars to heal nicely, he recommends any product with silicone in it. You can get it at any store, next to the bandaids. His favorite product is Scar Guard. You apply it once a day. He said other products like Maderma (spelling?) actually have no science behind them...so look for silicone.

Mission POSSIBLE: The Skiing Amikins

Let me introduce you to my badass trainer, Heather. I made her and Tracey pose before circuit last night...which is not hard for either of them. They are cut from the same posing cloth. Heather and I laugh bc her girlfriend is always making fun of her...bc Heather, just like Tracey, will engage in pose offs with themselves. For example, I know without having to really investigate, that Tracey probably spends at least 5 minutes in the bathroom before he showers, looking at his new muscles.

He is addicted.

Anyway, they are both so damn cute! Heathers favorite term to use is "beast". Like when she is pressing 50 pound dumbbells, she just shrugs to me and says "I can't help it. I am a beast". So, I have dubbed her Master Beast, and we are her Beast Apprentices...or Beasts in Training if you will.

She truly is hardcore. When we do circuit, she is just over doing pull ups or some other G.I.Jane type of move. She is a show off, and I tell her as much. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

So last fall I told Heather how sad I was when I couldn't get up on water ski's. I used to slalom, and last year I couldn't even get up on two. I told her by summer of 2010 I wanted to get up. It was her mission to make me strong enough to do so. Let's see...I am what...70ish pounds lighter and much more muscley?

I feel like I can do it.

Although I am scared that I will fail.

Failure. Yucky. Not an option.

We are going to the boat next weekend but it will still be a little cold to ski. So Memorial Weekend at the end of May will be the time. I will keep you posted.

Shocking Revelations and Bandsters Demise

Tonight is Support Group night! I will get to see Miss Vickie for the second time, and it will be the first time I have seen her since I have told about such things like lady bits and boob pools. Good times.

Kristen just informed us that she has never eaten an orange. This makes my head hurt. I got to thinking...what haven't I eaten that might be as equally shocking. Turns out...I couldn't come up with anything. I have never eaten cauliflower. Does that count?

Kristen also posted the results of the swimsuit challenge yesterday, and as a whole...we sucked this week. She wanted to know why. My response was:

Do you know whose fault it is? Gilly! None of you have been paying attention to me. Gilly is sending bad weight gaining waves over the Internet. You know that vlog she did? Where she was all cute and funny? THAT WAS ALL PART OF HER PLAN! I slowed it down and played it backwards and yep...just as I assumed...the subliminal (however you spell it) message made us gain weight.Now maybe you will take me seriously.Let's disqualify her!hhahahahahahaha

Just think about it. I think there is some truth to what I just said. In fact...now that I think about it....what do we really know about Gilly? Does she in fact even have a band?

Today while I was at the doctors, I was flipping through Ladies Home Journal or something equally as exciting and came upon the weight loss success stories section. You know the section I am speaking of. Well anywoo, I was looking at the "after" pictures and I like to guess their weight. So, the first girl I guessed she was about 150. Nope. She was 123. Here "before weight" was like 155.

Um...un problemo es....(the problem is)...her starting weight is below my goal ending weight. hahahah....funny don't you think? But the open minded Amy angel that sits on my left shoulder told me that everything is relative and good for her! The close minded judging Amy devil that sits on my right shoulder...you know the one that judges people based on the shoe selection and hair styles...that one just whispered "skinny people..totally overrated".

Do you ever think about how your doctors have a first name? They are like teachers in that way. You only think of them as Dr. so and so. I just can't imagine ever saying "Hey Jeff" to Dr. Friedman.

Tonight at support group and plastic surgeon will be there to talk to us. I can't think of anything to ask him...other than "Will you do me for free?"...that came out wrong. You KNOW what I meant. I am wearing a dress today though my we are now on week 2 of Operation: Amy Has No Pants to Wear. So I briefly having given thought to just standing up in the middle of the meeting and lifting my dress over my head and yelling "LOOK DOCTOR PLASTIC SURGEON MAN! FIX ME".

That wouldn't be lady like though would it?

Tracey has had 2 foot in the mouth incidents lately. It's a good thing I kinda like him. I bought some cute jean shorts...you know...the ones that are Bermuda length and have a little cuff at the bottom. The are a size 14 and, shall we say, form fitting (which means possibly too tight but not for long). I was planning on wearing them now. I mean they don't give me a muffin top! So I put them on for Tracey and he said "They will fit soon".

Um. Pardon me? Are you implying they DON'T fit now.

Tsk Tsk silly man.

So then last night we were watching Dancing With The Stars and my girl Niece Nash was on. She is a bigger girl, but I would bet that she is smaller than me. And Tracey said "Wow, she's a big girl".

Screeeeeech. (That was the sound of me stopping dead in my tracks).

I said to silly man, I bet she is smaller than me...

Sigh. Sometimes they never learn. He tried to back peddle and say that I am INDEED much smaller and that she looks good, he was just saying she was thicker than others.

Mmmhmmm...good try buster. In his defense...somehow the man really does think I am much smaller than I am. Always has. Bless his heart.

I play by myself a lot. Just me and my imagination. I host cooking shows in my kitchen where I actually speak out loud to an imaginary camera. I pretend that I am walking down a runway when I walk on a sidewalk. When I go to the movies, and then go to the bathroom at the movies...I ALWAYS...everytime...walk into the bathroom and pretend a killer is after me.

I go into my stall like a normal person, but in my mind I am formulating a plan. If the killer chased me into the bathroom, could I climb up the toliet and move a ceiling tile and crawl into the ceiling? Seriously.

Yesterday I got caught talking to myself at my desk.

I sometimes scare people in our work bathroom bc I don't realize there is anyone in the stall next to me until I am about three quarters of the way through a song, complete with stomping and clapping.

Last night while Tracey was trying to seduce me, I caught a glimpse of my quad. Yes..my toe was pointed in the air and therefore I was kinda flexing...but I can now see the outline of my quad. Just hanging out there on my upper leg.

Well, I'll be damned!

I do have a little more to share but I think I will make it a second post...this is getting a little long winded. Imagine that!

Happy Tuesday my friends.

Oh...PS. I loves Gilly and want to marry her. I was just kidding about all of that above!

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Monday After: My Ass Hurts

The best.thing.ever happened to me yesterday!
I grew up in the water, on the water, around the water. The random question that blogger assigns when you are making your account asked me:
When you open your eyes underwater, are you ever afraid you will drown?

My answer: No, I always pretend that I am a mermaid. But it's not really pretending...because I am.

You see, my favorite part of being in the water usually is being UNDER water. I love it. All my life though, if I was going to stay underwater for any length of time, I would need to hold onto something or be weighted down. For example, when I was getting certified for scuba diving, you have to wear a weight belt if you are extra floaty. I had to use lots of weights.

Well yesterday I was playing in my sisters pool and found something out that was so startling, I had to have Tracey video it. I went underwater...and stayed underwater. I did not float up. I did not bob to the surface like a plump apple.

Never in my life has this happened. Never did I think that I would have enough muscle and not enough fat to keep my floating.

It was possibly my best NSV to date.

Now to the ass part. In all my Zumbaing, in all my weight lifting...never have I been as sore as I am today....from walking. Well...okay...speed walking as fast as my stubs could move...but still! My butt is sore. My hammies are sore. My shin muscles are SORE! I just think that is amazing. All from walking!

Wanted to show you my little Roxy hat that I got off clearance last fall. Stylish yes?

Also, I went and got my finger sized. Last month it was a size 8. This month...a size 7! WHAAAA? Presurgery my ring size was a 10.5!Here is a little outfit our friend Mary gave me. It was from Target, and still had the tags on it. It was actually a little too big and I probably wont be able to wear it again but it was pretty cute!

And that's it for now. Thank you guys for all the love and comments you left for me regarding the 5k. I know it sounds cliche to say, but if I can do it...hell...anyone can do it.

Love yous!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Results are In: 5K Complete


video

Last year was my first 5k. I was 2 months (and I think one week) post op. I had been walking since surgery, starting with 1 mile and building up until I could complete 3.2.

The day we did the 5k, I was 50 pounds down, weighing in at 277. I finished the race in 53 minutes, as a walker. And it was awesome.

Today I am 195, so 80 pounds lighter. I haven't walked or timed myself since last year, so I was hoping to shave off at least 4 minutes.

Today I walked the 5k in 43 minutes! Ten minutes faster than last year!

Let me give you the story, now that you have the stats.

We got there and I was feeling good. Nervous. But good. Once we took the obligatory Amy/Tracey modeling shots, we lined up and the race started. I encouraged Tracey to actually leave me and walk as fast as he could (he can't run bc of his knee). I wanted him to beat one of male coworkers who is also a walker. So Tracey took off walking like a bat out of hell and I lost sight of him in about 4 minutes.

Now it was just me and my brain. No iPod. No music.

I was walking as fast as my stubby little legs could take me. I would see a skinny person walking in front of me, get them in my crosshairs, and try to catch them. Oh...I caught them. And then I passed them.

Buh Buh Skinny Person.

On to the next one. And that is how I progressed. I couldn't believe I was passing people. People that looked like they actually walked once in awhile to stay in shape.

I chatted with them of course as I passed. Making little jokes to make them giggle. I didn't want to crush their spirit...as I stomped their ass into the ground.

Do you know what kept me motivated? Zumba. Stop signs. And you. First, I kept telling myself that I was not yet as winded as Zumba makes me...so I knew I could give more. Second, everytime I saw a stop sign, I thought the universe was using reverse psychology on me...taunting me. I said OH NO YOU DON'T UNIVERSE! I am not stopping. So I started going faster. And then there was you guys. I kept repeating, "Bloggers, Bloggers, Bloggers...you are doing this for the bloggers".

I will tell you that the longest part of any race is the last mile. Sweet mother of longevity...it seems to never end. Well, I lit whatever fire there was left under my ass and started walking so fast I thought I might fall over.

I crossed that finish like strong, happy, and smiling. I took third in my age group.

Tracey took Master Male...which in 5k lingo means the second fastest male out of ALL the male walkers!


Let us take a look at the photographic evidence. This first montage is me last year. I think you can click on it to make it bigger.
The "hold your number" pose.

Look at poor Tracey couldnt get his arms around me last year!
Next, here is me winning my award. I was doing the two handed pump here to the crowd.

I love this picture. I look happy, healthy, and...like Amy.


Showing off our medals!


Loves you guys! Hope your weekend is FABULOUS!


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Oprah, Lady Bits, and My Wonderful Doctor

Officially my longest vlog ever at 8:22. Can I call this a vlog manifesto? (Shrinking Mama...can I?) It would have been longer but my memory card filled up! So sorry about the abrupt ending!

The Mothership Is Calling Me Home

To review what you may or may not remember, I work for a hospital system here in Pensacola. I do not work IN the actual hospital, but across the wide expanse of parking lot. This is where I had my surgery (not the parking lot, but the hospital). It was interesting in recovery, preop, and even in the surgery itself I am sure...that I interacted with people I know and are familiar with.

Not really a problem for me since I never intended to hide my surgery. Still...one must wonder...did they see my lady bits?

So yesterday I got an email from the RN of the bariatric center. Over at the hospital they have this meeting called Firestarters. They hold it once a month, and it is a chance for VP's and Directors to get together, align goals, share accomplishments. Well Amanda wanted to know if I would like to come with her as apparently it is show-n-tell day for departments and their accomplishments...and apparently....I am one of their accomplishments!

Decisions decisions. Now if I went I would probably be the center of attention for about 15 seconds.

OKAY I AM GAME!


lol

But for realz. It makes me a little nervous because I KNOW a majority of these people. And I don't know if I am supposed to talk or stand up and just look pretty.

But it did make me feel good. So I will let you know how that unfolds.

As you also know, I am on day 3 of Operation Amy Has No Pants To Wear. So when Amanda called me yesterday I was already bummed that I had worn two of my cutest dresses this week. So I has having a wardrobe meltdown this morning. I ended up going with my polka dot dress. Some of you may remember this dress from the cruise. Yes I was 40 pounds heavier when I wore it, but it ties at the waist so I can cinch it in. Here is a reminder.




First, let me talk about Tracey's popped collar in that top photo. It should be documented that Tracey does not wear his collar like this nor do I condone such fashion behavior. My brother, in all of his 38 years, is a bad influence and thought it would be a good idea.

Also, do not fret. I am not wearing the hot pink heels or accessories. I have put a little black tube top under the dress to cover the cleavage, and paired it with a little black cardigan and black heels. Very work appropriate.

Also...can I just say how weird it is that our universe seemed to be up 2-3 pounds yesterday? Like several of us. Even though we were behaving? I have been up all week. Today I am back down to Monday's weight. Still not Sunday's weight. No worries though. But I just wanted to see if the pattern is the same for those of you who were up.

Again. I blame Gilly.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Boob Pool

Dearest Gentlemen Readers: I know we talk about are women parts a lot on here. I will not apologize because I view it as a gift. A gift for you. Because you will have a better understand of said parts than any other men in the universe.

And for that you should be grateful.

Over the past couple of days I have heard several of you speaking of the "sagging boob laying in your bra situation".

I thought I would take it a step further and illustrate the point with pictures.

First, here is a shot of my cleavage.


I know what you are thinking. Not bad Amy....that and the fact that you want to motorboat them don't you...

But do not be fooled. For if you just pull the brassiere out a little bit, you will get a better understanding on the "pooling". Let's take a closer look.



And closer yet.

And there you have it. My boobs, and my dignity, are gone. Sadness I know. I mean WHAT IN THE HELL is that? Who knew you could have flaccid boobies.

Aren't you thankful that I have Tracey in my life? At least that prevents me from posting full nudity on here...out of respect for him. I mean he has some issue with me being naked on the world wide web.

Jeesh.

So hopefully ladies this will make you feel better about your on breasticles.

I would also like to say thank you for the comments on my vlog yesterday. It was an odd vlog for me, and I think I was just trying to share some of the thoughts that have been living in the old noggin lately. I didn't want it to sound like I thought fat was ugly, it was really more ME focused...and trying to figure out where I started and where I am now.

You guys really brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. Tracey and I got into a little spat last night later that night, so your kind words helped when I was throwing a pity party for myself.

Love you lovies!

OH yeah...one last thing! I am up 2-3 pounds on Mister Satan Scale. I think it is bc Keelie is sending me bad Internet juju my way. hahah....but I am not TOO worried because I know I have been working out and making the right choices so I blame this weight on DOMS, that fact that it is April, and other nonsensical things.

Carry on sunshine biscuits!

Carry on.

Wieners

Stop it. What did you think this post was going to be about?

We will be discussing turkey sausage.


I mentioned in my vlog yesterday that I was making a pasta dish with turkey sausage and bell peppers. And here is the recipe.


Turkey sausage (I buy the one long link that is doubled over...I am guessing a pound), sliced into little rounds
1 green bell pepper, 1 red bell pepper, 1 yellow bell pepper
1 can diced tomatoes, undrained
1.5 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
Pasta of your choice (I use whole wheat rotinni)

Dice or slice your bell peppers. Saute in skillet with some EVOO over medium/high heat for about 3 minutes. Add sliced turkey sausage and continue to cook until sausage is heated through. Add can of tomatoes, reduce heat and simmer for another 3-5 minutes.
Drain your cooked pasta and add to mix. Top with cheese. Serve and enjoy!

*I love the flavor of bell peppers, but don't enjoy biting into a crispy bell pepper. That is why I saute them for a few minutes before adding the sausage. If you like your peppers crispy, you can add the turkey sausage first. I serve Tracey the pasta, and I eat mine without the pasta. It really is super simple and delish!


And SouthernBelle has posted another bell pepper recipe on her new and exciting food blog. You can check that out here.


Now, let us discuss this turkey wiener of which I speak of. I have heard before that when choosing bacon, it is actually better to NOT go with the turkey bacon because it is so high in sodium. So I thought I would take a little peak at the sodium content in mister turkey sausage.


Here is a serving size.


There are seven servings in the package I bought. Do you know how much sodium is in one serving? 680 milligrams!!!!

Slap your mama that is A LOT! My nutritionist doesnt want me going over 3000 in a day, but I think that is a little high according to everything else I read. So just keep that in mind if you are out shopping for turkey sausage. Compare and be a wise shopper!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Rambling Vlogger

Greetings from Planet Crazy!

Creamy Black Bean Tomato Soup

I found a recipe for Creamy Black Bean Tomato Soup the other day and I figured I would give it a try. I already make Creamy Black Bean Soup, and Tomato Soup and love both of them...so I figured I would enjoy this also.

*if you would like either recipe for the other soups, just use the handy little search box powered by ligit on the sidebar*

So here is the recipe:

3 cans of diced tomatoes, undrained
2 cans of black beans, drained and rinsed
1 medium onion, diced
1 tbls minced garlic (to taste)
5 cups chicken broth
1.5 tbls chili powder
1 tbls cumin
hot sauce (to taste)
salt and pepper

Top with your favs: cheese, sour cream, etc.

You saute the onion and garlic for about 4 minutes in some EVOO. Add the rest of the ingredients and bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Then use or immersion blender to cream the soup (or transfer to regular blender).

I will say that it need something. Maybe more chili powder? Maybe Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning? I didn't add any salt...so maybe salt? Let me know what you think and if you zazz it up.

Happy Souping!

A Zen Day Of Eating

RC asked me yesterday what a "Zen" day of eating looked like for little ol' me. So I thought I would share.

First, it should be noted that I do a much better job of eating/not eating on the weekends...when I am at home. When I am at home, and behaving, I eat when I am hungry. At work on the other hand, I eat like a pretty dairy cow from the great state of Vermont (shout out to Angie! Hey girl Hey). In other words, I graze. At work I eat to fill time, out of frustration, or when I am bored. I eat because "Look! It's 10:07am....must be snack time".


So when Amy is on point, feeling in control, and making wise choices...the day might look like this:

Breakfast: half a protein bar (I only ate half bc it was kinda yucky)
Snack: 1/4 peanuts
Lunch: 1.5 cups of cream of tomato black bean soup (new recipe, made at home)
Pre-workout snack: half a protein bar
Dinner: 2 ounces of pork chop, 1/2 cup mashed taters, a few green beans and a cornbread muffin (that damn muffin snuck it's way on my plate)
Dessert: SF pudding with fresh raspberries


water for the day: 100 ounces
DIET sunkists for the day: 30 ounces


So there you go. It would have been even better if I hadnt had the peanuts, the muffin, or the diet sunkist...but I can't be perfect :)


At circuit yesterday I burned 350 calories. When we do circuit training, we work with free weights for 50 minutes without a break...just rotating from one workout to another. What I love about circuit is that I have different weights to choose from and can tailor the workout to my level.


Here is what I do and here are the stations.


Sitting squats or plie squats. I showed you a diagram of the plie squats yesterday, and the sitting squat is like you are getting ready to sit on a toilet.


Chest flies and chest press. I use 25 pound dumbbells for those.


Calve raises.


Upright rows and shoulder shrugs. For upright rows I use 20lb dumbbells, and for shoulder shrugs I use 30lbs.


Superman and bridge.


Straight leg dead lifts (great for hamstrings). I use two 40 pound dumbbells.


Standing shoulder press. 20 lb weights


Ab wheel/plank/medicine ball.


Tricep extension and curls. For curls I use 25lb dumbbells, and for the tricep extension I use one 25lb dumbbell.


And that is it. We do 30 seconds at each station and then move on to the next. If there are multiple things to do at one station like the ab station, we alternate each round. So I my do the ab wheel one time, the plank the next, etc. We do 7 complete rotations.


Have any of you ever tried the ab wheel?


I am not going to lie to you. It is badass. You can purchase them just about anywhere and usually for under $10. Tracey and Heather (our trainer) do it with ease. I do it with the shakes of a magnitude 8 earthquake. Heather said that in one of her college classes they hooked her up to little electrodes and machines that measured muscle use and engagement, and that the ab wheel practically worked every muscle in your back, stomach, and arms. More effective than the traditional crunch or sit-up.

I will take my camera next time and take pictures of our little workout room!

Until then my beautiful shiny people...keep fighting the good fight!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Someone Called Me a Bad Word

hahahah....the best thing ever just happened. Someone called me a bitch. With the adjective skinny in front of it.

Seriously. It is probably wrong how happy that made me. But Gilly I love you! I read it out loud for Tracey and am thinking about hooking the damn computer up to the printer so I can frame it.

I forgot to thank you all earlier in my epic post. I wanted to thank you guys for responding to my ice cream freak out with your own stories. It made feel much better!

kisses, hugs, and leg humps to all of you!

Skinny Bitch...over and out!

A Post So Long It Should Be A Mini Series

Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? I have not. But I have always wanted to. And I have decided that someday I will. I don't know why I just bolded all of my I's. But I guess it's because I thought it would be fun.

You see, although I HATE to say this...the fat Amy would never have ridden a mechanical bull. I know. I know. Is this the same Amy who preaches about fat not holding you back? YES. But in my defense, I was never presented with the opportunity as a fat girl to ride one, so I might have. But, probably not. I would have been worried about people making fun of the fat girl on the bull. I see the opportunity for an easy fat cow joke.

So, put mechanical bull riding on the list.

Have I ever told you how I have a love obsession with butter? I do. When I butter a piece of cornbread or muffin...sweet dairy farm...I load that sucker!! At restaurants when they bring that little baby one ounce cup of butter with the rolls...I am always confused why they didnt bring some for the rest of the table. Clearly, that little tub is for me and my one roll. Luckily, I don't eat bread much anymore. But when I do...stand back.

Also, the discovery of what I assume is my tailbone has not been a good one! We do these ab exercise at bootcamp where you sit in an upright crunch position with a medicine ball and twist back and forth...and it kills my tailbone! How do you skinny people do it? I don't know. I injured my tailbone again last night whilst sitting on the dresser...don't ask. Don't tell.

I had a great week with weight loss. 4.5 pounds! That my friends, I will take. Yesterday the scale said 194.5 (the official swimsuit weight loss challenge) and today it said 195.5 (MY official recording weight day). So I am pleased and chugging right a long! I am at a very Zen place with my weight loss and eating right now. This phase comes and goes, so I enjoy when it visits. When I am experiencing this wonderful phenomenon, I pay attention to my actual hunger. I cut back on grazing. I drink water. I work out. All is right with the world.

Namaste.

Speaking of good resting heart rates (oh...wait...we weren't talking about that were we)....I went to the doctor the other day. I was in need of a new general/family doctor bc mine up and left over a year ago! I found a new one and I really like him! I had to go bc I had a lump in my groin, right along my pantie line. Do you know you have lymph nodes there? I didn't. And do you know what you find when you google lump + lymph nodes in your groin? Nothing good. Scary google information. So I went to have it checked out and it is in fact my lymph node, but just a little infection and nothing more! ANYWHOOOZLE, my doctor was so impressed with my resting heart rate (below 50 he said). He also said "you must exercise a lot". To which I said "Why yes...yes I do". He read from my paperwork that I had lapband and was very proud of my weight loss. I get a little nervous telling other docs about the surgery bc sometimes docs have strong opinions about such things. So back in a week for some bloodwork and then back in 2 weeks for my annual lady station tune up! Good times.

Oh my gosh. When did this become the longest post ever?

Moving right along.

I have been excited (Amy shakes head in confusion at what she is typing), yes...actually looking forward to working out today! MWF we do our bootcamp/circuit training. And on Wednesday's I dash from circuit to Zumba. I have to be honest and tell you that there are a lot of days that I would go home and park myself on the couch if it wasn't for Tracey loving workout time! He makes sure I stay on track. But to actually find myself looking forward to working out is strange. And it has taken one year and 2 months for this to happen. So be patient. Someday it may happen to you!

Several weeks ago I was carrying something into the house on my side...a little above my hip. And it was pressing on something hard. Do you know what it was? It was my oblique! My side muscle! And even though I can't see them yet, I can feel them and they are HARD!


Yes, I believe that I underneath my protective outer layer of insulation, I look like Pink. And I wanted you to know this. Because you too may have a Pink, Fergie, or Gwen Stefani ab section living in you.

Are you still reading? Because I am not done yet.

Today I ran to Kohls on my lunch break to find pants. I found my current size 16's there. Well, they are too big so I was in search of some 14's. Guess what? The 14's are still a little snug in the thighs, and some created the dreaded camel toe. So, no work slacks for me. I am down to one pair of black slacks that Nicole sent me. I have one pair from Mary that I need to have taken up, and one beautiful white pair from Nicole as well that are a few pair from fitting. Guess I will have to wear my dresses for awhile! I am not discouraged though. I will find some pants. All in due time.

While I was at Kohls though I did something. Something very, very, monumental. I grabbed the pair of shorts that have been my goal shorts since preband. The shorts that I spoke of a few posts back. THE NIKE SHORTS~! So I slipped them on, built in panties and all. And they fit! Yes ma'am and yes sir they did. However, just as I had feared, my crotch wanted to gobble them up as soon as I started faux walking in the dressing room. They wanted to work themselves right on up. But I took a picture. Just to documents this occasion.


It just may be that I may not ever be able to wear short shorts. And that would not be the end of the world. We will just have to stay tuned to see if and when my inner thighs ever decide to shrink. They are bad. The good thing is, there is still a lot of fat there, so maybe they will tighten up a little. I mean come on though... how many plie' squats I do while holding a dumbbell do I need to do? Here is a precious little diagram of the squat. I hold a 45 pound dumbbell.
You see that purple shirt I am wearing? Banana Republic thank you very much. Dark purple. Here is a closer look. I am bent over in this picture. That is why you are getting a peek-a-boo at the cleavage. I am a lady!

I was reading Keelie's blog today. Whenever I see pictures of the beautiful Keelie I think..."Wow, I can't wait to be thin like Keelie one day". And then today she posted her weight (she wasn't keeping it a secret, I just don't pay attention sometimes) and it is 192! Just a few pounds less than me. AND THEN, I asked her how tall she was, because I figured she must be like 6 foot or something...and she is only 5'4". Like me. So we were emailing and she was thinking that when she saw my blue shorts the other day she wished she looked like me! Do you see where this is going? What if we are living in some parallel universe and we are ALL really hot supermodels but we don't know it?

It's like the Weight Loss Twilight Zone! (cue Alfred Hitchcock music).

One last thing. For those of you that have been with me since the beginning of time...or those of you who have read my entire blog (bless you. for real), you remember last April when I did my first 5k. Well, it is that time again, and come Saturday, we are doing it again. I am a walker and I can't wait to beat my time from last year and then do a comparison post with pictures and times and everything fun! It really is a wonderful 5k. It is small, on the beach, and benefits rape crisis victims.

And that my friends concludes this broadcast of the longest post ever! Thank you for reading. I think there still may be enough time in your day to cook dinner or watch TV. If not. I apologize. And I love you.

Go in peace.