Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My Love Affair With a Dead Man

Have I mentioned my love of Shel Silverstein? As the months progress as a Blogger, I fear I may repeat myself from time to time. The good thing is...if it sounds familiar, you can just speed read through the post or click on that little red x in the upper right hand corner of the screen.

But I love him. And it began in first grade. My teacher, Mrs. George would read Shel's poetry (if he was alive, he would be fine that we are on a first name basis). And then when I was eight, I got my first Shel Silverstein book from my mom. Here it is, torn and tattered. I keep it at work with me.




I love my mom. Anywhoodles....

I also love Shel's words. It is pretty amazing when a poem applies to a 7 year old and a 30 year old. One of my favorites, hands down is Listen to the Mustn'ts.

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child

Listen to the DON'TS

Listen to the SHOULDN'TS

The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS

Listen to the NEVER HAVES

Then listen close to me--

Anything can happen, child,

ANYTHING can be.

Oh man. For real. I wish how I could explain to you how those words have helped me and pushed me throughout my life. There are so many things, people, thoughts in our own mind that tell us NO. YOU CAN'T DO THAT. THAT WON'T WORK. STOP. But the child in me believes that anything is possible. And when kids are around me, I am always aware of how many times I tell them NO, STOP, NO, DON'T DO THAT, YOU CAN'T!!!

What got me on this kick today was that I was sitting here at work, feeling deep and philosophical, and I started reading through some of my favorite quote books...and in this process I found a quote for Shel that reminded me of some of us...and the demons we are battling now...food or otherwise...

"There is a voice inside of you,

that whispers all day long,

'I feel that this is right for me, I know that this is wrong'.

No teacher, preacher, parent, friend,

or wise man can decide...

What's right for you, just listen to,

the voice that speaks inside."

Strike Up the Band: Questions and Answers

Linda O has been waiting forever (okay, a little over six months but that is forever in Amy time) to get banded, and now as the day gets closer, she has posted some very interesting questions on her blog. I am reposting them here with my answers!

ANY REGRETS? Are you happy with your decision and would you do it again?
I do not have one single regret. I will be honest though, every once in awhile...for just a few milliseconds, I wonder if it would have been easier if I would have chosen gastric bypass. These moments usually come when I am indulging is candy...but for me, the flexibility of the band was worth those times when my eating gets a little too flexible for my liking.

ARE YOU SORRY, YOU DIDN'T GIVE TRADITIONAL DIETING ONE MORE TRY? hell no. Funny, but before I ever thought about WLS I didnt want to "give up" and "cheat" by getting the band or having gastric bypass. I "knew I could do it if I set my mind to it". But in truth, I never had...and statistically, with only about 5% of those who lose weight through traditional diet and exercise keeping it off, the odds were against me. Once I went to the first "Meet the Doc" seminar at our hospital, I felt hope. Why do we get stuck in that mindset that something is wrong with us if we choose WLS? Society? Family? Ourselves? We should feel empowered because we are making a choice to succeed. To live.

WHAT IS THE WORST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
Missing eating foods in the familiar ways. While I can still eat a hamburger, and it's damn good, but never the same as with a big ol bun! Also, the hardest part was using my willpower during the time of Bandster Hell.

WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
The weight loss. Having something stop me when I can't stop myself.

On a scale of 1 to 10 HOW HARD WAS/IS IT PSYCHOLOGICALLY TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T EAT THE SAME WAY ANYMORE?
You know, besides the missing big bready items, I don't miss being able to pig out. And for the most part, I can still eat the same thing...just slower...and less of it! SO, I would say...3, with one being the low end of the scale.

HAS BEING BANDED MADE YOUR PERSONALITY CHANGE? For the better or worse?
That's a big old negative good buddy. My personality is exactly the same.

Are you still able to party a little? (I am a wine drinker...can't imagine giving it up completely) and are you a party pooper now cause you can't party as much?
I don't really drink...so I am going to have to answer with a n/a on this one.

HOW MUCH HAPPIER ARE YOU WITH YOUR BODY? I am wondering what I will look like 50-80 lbs thinner. I am 47 and will have a "lose skin" issue.
Hmmm...thinking....This is a tough one for me to answer. I look at pictures from before surgery and I am TONS happier with my body now. I didn't realize at the time how fat I looked...thanks to self preservation and my reverse body dsymorphic disorder. So far, besides my bat wings...no loose skin. Of course, I am still 220...so things may change. But, I would rather be healthy and loose skinny then no loose skin and morbidly obese!

HAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS CHANGED? Spouses? Family? Friends? Strangers?
No difference for me. I think this one correlates to the personality question. BC my personality hasn't changed, neither have my relationships. I think that this question and the personality question really depends on how being fat hinders you before surgery. For those that feel like they can't be themselves, or live to their full potential when they are fat...there will certainly be a noticeable difference in their personalities and possibly their relationships when they start shedding the pounds. If you had trouble finding confidence before, and now suddenly feel it coming on strong...things are going to change. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but working with so many people who have had gastric bypass, and seeing how they have become a TOTALLY different person after losing all their weight...this is what I notice as a big difference. I was sure of who I was weighing 327, and I am still sure at 220.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE SAME PERSON OR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOW THAT YOU HAVE LOST WEIGHT? haha, I just answered this didn't I?

Linda...I think these are all wonderful questions and I bet there a few pre-banders wondering the same things! I think we all went through a little "OH CRAP WHAT AM I DOING PHASE"!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Attack of The Snark

I don't know what a snark is...

But I like the sound of it.

I am up 5 pounds this week ladies! But I shall rebound. I am not too down in the dumpies about it, bc it has been an off week and this weekend was a blackhole of timeloss and calorie destruction.

But, this is a prime example of why a fill is not the answer to everything.

Let me 'splain.

I have great restriction. I am never really hungry. If I eat protein and solid foods, I can't eat much.

I am eating for the hell of it. I am eating candy, chips, and drinking pop. In small doses, these add up on the scale. So that's it kiddies! The band is not the answer to everything, mama has to do her part!

So I am introducing my body back to my long lost friend...water! And trying to cut back on the salt. I will recover and conquer!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

A Four Part Mini-Series...

I am not sure how this will post, but it should be in order. If it posts two side by side, then watch from top left to top right, then the bottom left and the bottom right!!! This will teach Blogger not to let me upload one big video! Victory is mine!

video video video video

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Has The Universe Pooped On You Lately?

I hope not.

If it is, you can get under my umbrella--eh eh eh---under my umbrella ella ella (I was singing the Riahanna song).

I know some of you are having a week from hell. And I wish I could hold your hand and give you little Eskimo kisses until you feel better. But, all I have to offer you is my ear and hopefully some chuckles.

I am TRYING to post a vlog. As promised, the other night I went home and recorded a 5 minute vlog! OH MAN IT WAS GOOD! I was telling jokes, shucking and jiving, zigging and zagging. I had almost beat the vlog holder recorder for longest vlog (currently held by Cara I think...) But guess what? I "shoot" my vlogs on my little kodak camera, and when I upload a 2 minute vlog, it takes at least 30 minutes. Well, this 5 minute vlog never will upload. Seriously, I let it upload overnight! Nothing. I tried again at work for like 7 hours....NOTHING.

SOOOO, I will not let electronics rule me! I have decided to film three, count them, three vlogs. It will be fun. It will be a mini-series....of AMY! So, I will film them probably tomorrow night. Are you on the edge of your seats? It is a toss up between seeing New Moon or seeing my vlogs? I thought so.

On the eating front....

uh oh....

Amy bad.

I have been going a little silly this week. Eating when I am not even CLOSE to hungry. It is a cycle thing with me. And by cycle I mean my brain, not my monthly visitor to Lady Station. That's okay. I will regain control and be back on track soon enough. I tried to eat a black jack taco today. You know, the one I ate like 4 of before this last fill. Turns out, I could only eat about 3.5 bites today before I PB'd them for an hour! Thumbs up Tina. Thanks for doing your job!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sometimes My Brain Hurts

Too many thoughts...must relieve pressure:



1. There is a movie out in limited release called Precious. The star of Precious is Gabourey Sidibe. And this is a picture of Gabby.






The other day I read a quote (and forgive me Gabby if I don't get it right), but it went something like this..."People are saying that I got this movie and now I am fabulous. The truth is, I was fabulous and THEN got this movie". That's what I am talking about! If you get a chance to see her in interviews, she is honest and candid about her weight. She doesn't claim to "love being big", and is realistic about the health implications. If she beats me to Oprah though....oooh...I will be hot!



2. Even at 219 pounds, I can feel my port pretty good. I can't see it under my skin, but I can feel it with much more ease! Amazing what less fat around the belly will do for you. I wonder if when I am 108 pounds I will be able to see it....



....just kidding....I was seeing if you were paying attention. I will never weigh 108 pounds!



3. Speaking of my port, I almost thought I had a port sprain (not a real term, I just made it up). The other evening Tracey and I were...um...dancing....and our dance moves included the arm of the couch and a handstand of sorts...and it hurt my port!



4. I clearly do not believe in TMI.



5. I may...MAY...have found a very close runner up to Sunkist. It is a tasty diet soda (pop). Pictured here.




6. Things that have become normal 10 months after being banded: My hair and my poop. My hair loss started slowing down about 2 months ago. It started growing back in before that. It is healthier now then it has ever been! My poop is nothing like preband, when I was consuming extra value meals at every turn. But by normal, I mean the new normal. Maybe every couple of days...and not very much. It doesn't concern me anymore.

7. I didnt lose any weight last week. I try to keep in mind that I lost 7 pounds a week, 2 weeks in a row. Funny thing is...I didnt really do much different in the 7 pound loss week and the zero pound loss week. Such is life with the band.

8. I did it. I summoned the courage to go into Victorias Secret and buy some undies. Size XL. Yes, even Amy gets fat fear petrified (again, not a real term). But, I define it as when you let Fat scare you from doing something. I just get worried that when I go into a store with skinny girls working, they will look at me and say "Uh uh big girl....Lane Bryant is across the way!" But part of getting my mind right is realizing, I am not as big as I used to be and things are actually starting to fit! So I bought 5 for $25. And now it is official....I never have to go into Lane Bryant again!

9. One of the things that has NOT decreased with my decreasing weight is my facial hair. I had such high hopes! I didnt start getting facial hair until I started really packing on the pounds. And the hormones are wickity wack with extra fat...so I was hoping that as I got thinner, my grandma whiskers would go away. But hey, maybe with the next 50?

10. I need a nap.

11. I will be cooking a turkey for the first time this Thanksgiving. Thank God I have Tracey bc I make him stick his hands up the birds but and pull out the gross things. He's a dad ya know? Once you are a parent you can do gross things like that. Also, you wipe boogies with your bare hands!

K, ladies...that is all I have for you today. I will hopefully be able to vlog for you this evening. I am trying to think of a costume to wear or something...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Christmas Come Early

I got home from work today and had not one, but two...COUNT THEM TWO...gifts waiting for me. What a wonderful surprise after this week's events!

The first gift was from Kathi. She sent me a beautiful top. It is size 22/24, but Kathi is right...it fits more like an 18/20. It is almost too big for me...but I am going to wear it to work damn it!



Please don't mind the fact that I am not wearing any pants...I was in the middle of playing dress up.
Kathi also sent me the lipstick that I couldn't find here...the wonderful nude color that Kristen looks so good in. Guess what? Not so much on me! Kathi is right again...on me...looks a little corpsey....death cometh to my lips.
My next package arrive in the most wonderful pink flowery butterfly box.
First dress...Not bad huh? Good and SASSY!
Next dress I am really madly in love with...
Angie also sent me a size pair of 14 jeans...can anyone say serious goal jeans? While I am aways from wearing these, I had to take a picture bc they seem like a tiny to me. Remember, everything is relative.And finally, my back fat. What is missing is the upper roll that used to hang over. It's gone!

So thank you to my wonderful friends. Do you think I can quit my day job and exist solely on clothing and make-up donations from my band buddies? No? FINE! But seriously...thank you Kathi and Angie! I promise to pay it forward!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Does Your Train of Thought Have a Caboose?

So, once upon a time...very long ago (3 weeks), there was a princess who for the sake of this hypothetical fairy tell, fell off of her banded train. She was left with the other hobo's in a little tent city called Taco Hell.

Her demise started slowly enough. After achieving her 100 pound loss goal, Princess Amy went apeshit crazy. And taco hell was just the bordello to reside in! Princess Amy's evil stepsisters (that live in her head) told her..."hey chubbie girl! You should reward yourself for all your hard work? Why don't you eat this apple?" It wasn't really an apple though...it was a poisoned apple...also know was a BlackJack Taco!

This began a mudslide of forest-fires-followed-by-torrential-rain- in-Californiaesqe proportions. Bad tacos, nom nom nom.

Until one day, her Fairy Godmother, also known as Dr. Friedman, came with his magic wand, also knows as a needle, and tightened her little Tina right back up. *POOF* All better. Ta Ta tent city of Taco Hell!

So, 14 pounds lighter and feeling good and sassy, Princess Amy was at precipice (situation of great peril). For a moment, she thought about digging out the clearance Halloween candy she has stored for Christmas. I mean come on...she was 14 pounds down...she can indulge!

But she didn't! She has stayed focused. Listen to her body and not the voices in her head!

And she lived happily ever after...

or at least for this week...

The End

Life

Tracey's youngest son Corey (who I have mentioned once before) is 16. He also has duchenne muscular dystrophy. Muscular dystrophy is a degenerative disease that attacks muscles...eventually freezing them into place. That is the cliff notes version. While some boys (primarily boys) live to be 30, usually life expectancy is late teens, early 20's. After Tracey's divorce, Corey and Kayla (18) went to live with the ex. Unfortunately during this time, the ex hasnt cared for Corey the way a mother should or would. I could list some pretty sad instances of that, but I won't right now.

Corey is in the hospital. Last week they called an ambulance to pick him up. He had been sick with cold/flu like symptoms for over a week. The ambulance was more feasible bc his legs are frozen in a triangle position, and it hurts to move him. He has not left his bed in almost 2 years. While the doctors have not given us a definite prognoses yet, Tracey received a call today that he needed to come to the hospital right away to discuss end of life, DNR, etc. Tracey was working 2 hours away, and should be back soon.

Corey is awake. But his lungs are having trouble breathing for him. This is such a hard time for Tracey. As many of you with kids can imagine (even those of us without). I was doing good until today. I think everything is catching up with me. There are so many mixed emotions inside. I broke down putting up the Christmas tree bc I didnt know if it was selfish of me to celebrate while he is hurting. Of course Tracey told me that he loves the tree and it helps him to keep his mind off of things.

We aren't going out of town for Thanksgiving like planned. And I feel bad for being a little sad about that. But I completely understand!

Also on the table is the possibility of the ex losing custody of Corey due to child neglect. And that could open so many different things.

I have also been trying to find out about burial arrangements if it comes to that.

Wow.

With all that said, you guy's know that I don't believe in worrying too much about any given thing. Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you...and the stuff you worry about never happens, and the stuff that you never worry about smacks you in the face! So we are taking one day at a time. I just wanted to share with all of you so if something does happen...you knew a little of the back story!

Love you and thanks for reading,

Amy

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Dearest Jami-One of my readers!

Thank you so much for your amazing words on one of my posts! I didnt have a way to respond to them, and I didnt know if you would get a notification that I responded, but I replied to your comments on that post!

Obsession

So, do you think it will happen to you? To me? To one of us?

Will we become one of those people so obsessed with maintaining our goal weight that we go to extremes?

I ask because I am not sure if when it is happening, the person knows. And once they get there, I think it is hard for them to recognize what is happening.

The other day, I was reading a thread on LBT started by a bandster who is over a year out and down tons of weight. She has had a tummy tuck already and is under goal weight. She was telling a story about how she is tired of people telling her she has become to obsessed with working out and dieting. It is leading to arguments with her husband and mother. Ah hell, I will just post what she wrote:

"i see members on here that post threads/pictures that say 92 pounds gone FOREVER...50 pounds gone FOREVER and so on and so 4th...i can't seem to grasp the FOREVER part...i'm the 1st person on here to tell people that ask me questions to "just relax and take it day by day"....i can't seem to follow my own advice when it comes to maintaining my loss...i CAN'T relax....i'm scared to death to relax...i don't think any loss from any type of weight loss surgery is FOREVER...i've seen people on here and in my own personal life put their weight back on...(mostly bypass patients)...i'm not doing anything different then i did to lose the weight...but i can't get over this fear of it coming back...i find myself working out harder to make sure it doesnt come back...my husband friends and family don't understand what i am going through...and now think i have a "problem"....who doesnt...lol....i can't live in that misery again...i can't do it...but i can't seem to grasp the FOREVER in my head either...its on my mind all day....everyday....i feel like if i have the FOREVER mind-set i'm going to get lazy....if i feel like if i think i'm invisible to ever gain my weight back i'm kidding myself...i'm happy going to the gym...i happy with what and how i eat...i didn't have to chage much about how i eat....i love meat...i just needed the portion control...i have that with my band...but i want to feel like i'm going to be okay...i want some1 to assure me that i'm going to be okay...that if i keep doing what i'm doing it won't come back...i'm totally stressed out about this... "

Here is what I think. It becomes an obsession when it starts to affect other parts of your life...your relationship, your work, etc. It becomes an obsession when it becomes detrimental. The fact that she posted about this, almost seeking affirmation that she is okay, makes me think that she feels...somewhere deep down inside...that maybe she has lost control. And I told her that much and she agreed. She is really a sweet person and always have such positive things to say about others pictures, and she has lost WAY above average...


It is just interesting, this transferring of addictions. Somehow we have to find a healthy balance and a real way to live.

I have never said "x amount of pounds...gone forever". For me, I don't know if they are gone forever. I don't think the band will last forever, but I hope if that time comes, I have other options. But, I also don't live in fear of the weight coming back. Not everyday fear...although if I am honest a taco bell bender does put some fear into me. But I have always said that I think the band is different than "diets" bc when we use it for good and not for evil (USE THE FORCE LUKE), we learn. We learn a new way of life, living, eating, cooking. That is my hope anyways.
Someone close to me had gastric. She is now too thin, too deflated, and too obsessed with keeping the weight off. She swore before surgery it wouldn't happen to her. But she is also one of those people who has completely changed with her weight loss...and not for the better. With her new found "confidence" she drinks to much and sexes too much.

There is just so much more to all of this then food. But we all knew that. I just wanted to share with you guys and get your thoughts.







Monday, November 9, 2009

Good and Sassy

If I could be a candy, I think that's what my name would be. Good and Sassy.

It's funny that I can usually get a feel for how someone's weight loss is going by the tone of their blog. You know what I am talking about. When the scale is our friend, we are usually more jolly! Sad. But True.

I just realized I havent blogged since Thursday! Shame on me. It has been a busy weekend. I thought I would give you a very organized update.

My Weight Loss
I have lost 14 pounds in the last 2 weeks. SAY WHAT! I know, I know...I can't get used to this. And I can tell you why it has been so good...

My Fill
Holy Peter Pan Tinker Bell, I have the perfect level of restriction. It is crazy amazing. I remember when I was binging on Taco Bell and watching Cara's vlog about how she doesnt really get hungry, etc...and I was secretly giving her the evil eye bc I was so jealous...I thought she was one of the lucky ones. But now I am too! I am pretty tight. What does that mean? I can still drink water the same way I always have (big gulps). But, I eat so little! And I am hardly ever physically hungry. Now, I still think about food...but even when I know it's dinnertime...sometimes I have to force myself to eat something.

Saturday is a great example. I ate one 60 calorie pack of animal crackers, one 130 calorie bag of popcorn...and finally 8pm came and I knew I had to try to eat something with substance so I tried to eat chili. For some reason that night (possibly eating too fast?) I only got 2 bites in and I was stuck. So I gave up. I did have hot chocolate later. But that was it. Not enough I know. Last night I was able to eat about 2 ounces of chicken breast and even some corn! That was exciting. For the most part, I stick to mushies or soups...and that leaves me satisfied. It is the craziest thing. Really it is.

Body Changes
Also good news...going from 235 to 220 has brought some welcome changes. My back fat rolls...you know, the ones that live below the bra strap...have gone bye bye! Poof. I looked in the mirror this morning and thought maybe I was looking at the wrong angle...but really...they are gone. I will take a pic when I get home. There is still some soft flesh there, but the roll with the crease...TOODLES!

Last night I was laying on the couch with my head in Tracey's lap and he had his arm resting on my side. I noticed his elbow was really hurting me...and then I realized its bc it was hitting my ribs and I didnt have as much padding there as I used to!

Clothing
So I have been in an 18 now for months. I while some 18's are starting to get loose, some 18's are still super tight. Well, I pulled out my under the bed storage container where my smaller clothes live. These include pants from 7 years ago, clothes my boss gave me, and clothes from Angie! Just for S's and G's, I tried them on! Butter my butt and call me a biscuit...so many of them fit! I have like 5 pairs of jeans now that fit! And its a good thing I tried them on bc they are on the verge...ya know? And Angie sent me the most beautiful dress from the Gap...never worn...and it fits too! I didnt have a bra on, or I would have taken a picture! I even tried on some size 16 jeans (with a little spandex in them) and I could get those suckers up and buttoned! But they looked real real bad! But STILL!

Christmas
We have our tree up! Usually I wait until the day after Thanksgiving, I mean that is tradition right? Well...I am so homesick for fall and winter weather, that I am trying to bring the season on as early as possible! I love my Christmas tree. I love the holidays. Sitting in front of a lighted Christmas tree at night brings me peace. Tracey shot this video on his iPhone, and I just wanted to share!

video

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Good things come in two's...

So we all know and love Kathi. Guess what, she has a daughter who also has a blog...not a bandster blog, but...we all struggle with the same things! I just wanted to give her a shoutout! Because we all know how much fun it is when people actually READ our blogs!

Why my fat didn't win

I think that for all of us, being fat guided us. It shaped our lives and our choices. After my post last night, and after reading all the comments, I have been sitting here trying to figure out why...for me...being fat didn't hold me back. For sure, being fat determined and changed the course of my life and played a key part in so many of my choices. I did things with boys bc I thought they would like me more (tried to make them forget that I was fat). I quit the dance team. I worked super hard to be funny and likeable, felt like I always had to be "on"....

And when Liz said I must have had people in my life that helped me feel good about myself, or Angie said I was lucky that I didn't let it defeat me...it made me think. I have the most amazing parents and family. My brother and I are very close now, but growing up, 8 years my senior and always super fit, he constantly told me how fat I was, how I wouldn't grow up to get a man, how I could be so much hotter....he told me about my cellulite in my fat ass....when I was 5. Boys in school called me fat (usually after I had beat them at some game or had nothing better to say). So it wasn't that people weren't constantly reminding me that I was bigger.

Was it luck? It was luck that I was born into my family I guess. They certainly shaped my sense of humor, my outgoing personality....we Workman's are all kinda like that. Entertainers...social. My parent's always believed I could do anything, supported me. My dad was my teeball coach, and my mom was that mom at high school graduation holding a sign that said "Carpe Diem" and screaming my name. But somehow, early on...I knew I had a choice. And I chose to live like I wasn't fat. And I don't know why that is. Why we are all different. I do try to remind myself that not everyone is me. And I certainly have had days, weeks, segments of my life that my body size really got me down. I mean...Hellooooo...I had weight loss surgery! You remember how Star Jones used to try and make us believe she loved being big and had no problem with it? I never loved, nor do I now, love being a big girl or being fat. I guess I just tried to work with what I had at the time. Make the best out of the "now".

On a lighter note (hahahah....pun) all that one mile running on Biggest Loser last night made me want to run a mile. I thought of Sarah every time...and all of you out there running now! In junior high we had to run a mile in under 11 minutes. I could NEVER do it...and can't do it yet. But that is one of my goals. Perhaps one I should be working on huh? Instead of just thinking about!

Happy Humpday everyone!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Soapbox Preacher Amy Steps Up

I am laying here in bed watching the Biggest Loser (even though whenever I watch this show I feel like I should be doing push-ups during commercials or something). And Amanda came on...my least favorite contestant.

For those of you who don't watch, she was picked by America last year to be on this season. IN MY OPINION...she is whiny, and fake cries, and walked out of the gym last week bc "I've always been the fat girl and I am used to failing".

As I was snuggled in my bed with my water bottle, she started again. Because Bob was enabling her whining. And AGAIN she started boo hooing about how because she was fat she missed her prom. Because she was fat she didn't go on trips with her friends. This chapped my hide so much, I got out of bed, stomped into the living room and grabbed my laptop.

Being fat does not stop you from going to prom. Being fat does not stop you from having friends, having a boyfriend, having a life, being in a swimsuit, dancing, laughing. It does not have to stop you from being you. Being fat is hard. It makes all of those things a little harder. But it can happen. You can be popular. You can be a cheerleader. You can find love. You can travel. You can do all that if you CHOOSE IT! I can say this at 225, and I said it at 327. We can choose to be the best us right now...and we just keep getting better! But don't wait until you get to that "magic number" on the scale to find your inner supermodel...shoooooot....let her out!

*Amy steps off soapbox, retires back to her bed, resumes snuggling with empty water bottle*

Monday, November 2, 2009

Team Boo-Bee

This Saturday Tracey and I did the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk here in Pensacola. My boss is a seven year survivor, and it is not a race...just a walk...so I figured why not! We came up with a team name...Team Boo-Bee. It was Halloween after all. We could have been Team Tits, but my boss vetoed that one :) I realized as we were walking (at almost my 5k speed) that last year...I never would have walked for "fun". That would have been an oxymoron, complete with back pain, shin splints, and lack of oxygen to my lungs. But this year I had a blast.



We each had our individual Bee names



My boss and I




Tracey and little ol me














Finish line...little sweaty





So I am feeling good today. We cleaned that house this weekend and my hands STILL smell like bleach. I managed to lose the 7 pounds that I had gained during my "Amy gone wild" episode. I feel good about the week ahead! I am wearing a sassy little cardigan I bought...size XL from the Misses department...and some new shoes I got from the Oprah Payless event. Hope everyone is feeling good and looking fine~!