Friday, October 30, 2009
My fill is pretty interesting. Been eating soups and mushies. Last night I had about one ounce of turkey breast and some mashed potatoes. Tonight I had some pasta and little baby meatballs. I was actually surprised I could eat it. I probably ate 3/4 a cup. I wasn't "PB full". Felt fine. Then, over the course of about 30-40 minutes...I started getting uncomfortable. And then, up it came. Twice. And not gently.
Can someone explain this to me? Have you had a similar experience? I have eaten too much and known it immediately...and it took awhile to come up, but I have never thought I was fine just to find out 30 minutes later I wasn't.
Hope everyone has a safe Halloween weekend. Remember: Where light colored clothes. Have your parents check your candy before you eat it. And remember which house give out toothbrushes and/or apples...so you can skip them next year!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
However, yesterday she posted a blog about her recent experience at the airport, where she saw two very "large" ladies being pushed in wheelchairs. It made her "angry". They let themselves get so fat that their body couldnt handle the weight...you get the point. Now this blogger has over 1600 followers, so there were a lot of comments. And a majority of them said things like the "I am with you on hating the fat wheelchair people." It was full of fat bashing. I was surprised to find it on that blog...bc as a girl who has struggled with her weight...you would think she would understand that "pushing away from the table", isn't really the issue...or all it takes to lose weight.
And because the blogger world is a relatively free speech kinda place...she and everyone else has a right to their opinion. And so do I.
So I unsubscribed to her blog.
Officially, I was down 3 pounds since last time I was there...almost 2 whole months ago. On their scale, that is 98.5 pounds lost in 9 months.
Dr. Friedman and Angie (his doctor in training) took my back into the confessional...I mean office. I told him I had been bad. He said...oooh, he likes the sound of that :) haha, I clarified I meant food choice bad, told him about taco bell. He went through the checklist of normal questions:
"Have you been eating junk food"? YES
"Carbonated beverages"? YES
"Eating too much"? YES
He didn't give me any slack. Told me he was proud of me, that my weight loss was amazing...and reminded me of that. I told him I do try to keep that in mind, but it should have been, could have been more.
Up on the table I went. He pulled out 5cc's. He had taken out .5ccs before the cruise, and this time he gave me a whole cc! WHOA BUDDY! We will see what that feels like when I go back on solids. Kinda scared.
Overall, I walked out feeling fabulous about myself and on cloud nine (it's what I call the Dr. Friedman effect). Back on track and so thankful!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
6 cups chicken stock
1 1/2 salt
4 cups pumpkin puree
1 teaspoon fresh chopped parsley
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
5 whole black peppercorns
1. Heat stock, salt, pumpkin, onion, thyme, garlic and peppercorns. Bring to boil, reduce heat to low, simmer for 30 minutes uncovered.
2. Puree the soup in small batches (1-2 cups at a time) in a blender.
3. Return to pan, bring to boil again. Reduce hat to low, simmer for another 30 minutes, uncovered. Stir in heavy cream. Pour into bowls and garnish with fresh parsley.
*Amy's changes and recommendations:
1. Pumpkin puree comes in a can. It is different than pumpkin pie filling. Make sure your's says 100% pure pumpkin.
2. I didnt have fresh thyme so I sprinkled in Italian seasoning instead :)
3. I didnt use whole black peppercorns. I bought the grinder and seasoned to taste.
4. At first, the soup is thin...and you start to think "Why do I have to blend this?" It starts to thicken up, and you DO really need to blend it. It makes is super smooth. I read online some people just used on of those hand blenders and put it directly in the pot. I used a regular blender, transferred blended to a big bowl, and then emptied big bowl back into pot.
5. I also read online that some people used half-and-half or light whipping cream instead of heavy whipping cream.
This recipe makes about 4-6 good size servings and freezes beautifully!
Okay, now to the important stuff....You guys! Thank you for the comments yesterday. I love you guys. They made me very emotional. As I am sitting here with my fingers hovering over the keys, I am actually at a loss for words. Rare. But it is hard to put into words my gratitude.
Another thing I noticed in regards to the question about motivation if you had been thin before is this: I don't think it matters...BECAUSE....for those of you who have been thin, you never felt it or relished it. When you were thin you were striving for me (or less). I wonder if when we hit goal we will feel...content.
I also giggle bc there are so many of you who commented that I already consider thin! And you don't realize it!
I am doing better with each day. Today when I was in Walgreens, I actually chose NOT to get a sunkist. Amen sisters. That's a big step. I am on liquids today bc my fill is at 3. I am not looking forward to the fact that I will weigh the same as I was for my last unfill in September...but hey...I need help and that's what the band is for! No shame.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Do you think it is easier to stay motivated to lose the weight IF you were once thin?
Are you pondering?
There are two camps of us Fluffies. Those of us who have always been overweight, and those of us who spent some portion of our adult, right to vote and buy cigarette life...thin. I of course am in the first camp-always overweight. I can't really imagine being thin. So when am stuck in a "eat like these are my last days on earth rut", somewhere in my mind I begin to think..."Well duh. You've never been skinny...did you really think it would happen this time." It is hard to imagine something being real that has never been my reality.
So I wonder for those of you who have been thin, skinny, small, (insert tantilzing size adjective here), is it more motivating for you bc you know how good it felt and you "feel the possibility more"?
This train of thought really sprang out of my longing for a Sunkist. I was dreaming of one and I thought about the saying "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels". I don't like that saying, and was making a good argument against it in my head...and that's when I realized that I don't know how thin feels.
I have been avoiding blogging just a smidgie-poo. I got a little tired of talking about "getting back on the wagon". I am still not back on my game 100 %, but I am getting back into the groove. No fast food this week. None over the weekend. No tacos. I have had a sunkist everyday...but just one. I have also been working out. Introduced water back into my H20 deprived body. Getting my fill tomorrow. I will be just fine.
And I know that. I think more than letting myself down, it is hard to feel like I am letting you guys down. I think of those of you who have called me an "inspiration", and I don't feel very inspiring when I make such poor choices. But, I try to look at it from a different perspective. If we don't share our slip-ups...then we aren't doing each other service. Maybe I can make you feel better by comparison. Like "Lord I have eaten like crap today, but at least I didnt eat as bad as Amy". hahaha
Monday, October 26, 2009
My parents wedding picture, his parents wedding picture...and that little picture is my grandparents wedding picture.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
6 good sized 'maters. Washed.
1 pound lean ground beef.
2 cloves minced garlic (I use the kind already chopped up in the jar)
Oregano (or I used Italian seasoning)
Salt and pepper
1 (8.8 oz) package of fully cooked rice (Uncle Bens package)
1 little baby can of corn (you could use whatever you like)
2/3 cup of feta or bleu cheese
Preheat oven to 325. Cut the tops off of the tomatoes. Empty out the insides. Turn upside down on a papertowel to dry.
Brown meat with garlic. Once cooked, season with oregano, salt and pepper. Mix in one package of rice. Cook for additional three minutes.
Salt insides of tomatoes and stuff those suckers with the meat/rice mixture. You want it mounding out the top.
Place in 13 x 9 pan, cover with foil, back for 20 minutes. Take off foil and cook for additional 5 minutes.
Serve with a side salad on same plate.
Man...this was so easy and sooo good. You could really season it or add whatever you like to the meat. I used feta and it had a good salty quality. I also only stuffed 3 tomatoes, and just saved the meat/rice mixture for leftovers.
A) A new yummy Blackjack taco
C) Pinto's and Beans
D) A big beef cheesy burrito
E) A medium Coke
F) All of the above
doo doo dee dee doo doo dooooo (jeopardy theme song)
EEEEHHh (time is up!)
The answer. IS....ALL OF THE ABOVE! WHAT?!?! Can you believe it? It was like I had no restriction.
Today I had 2 tacos and an order of nachos. For my appetizer? A Kit-kat bar. What about breakfast you say? Two poptarts and a sunkist. I know. I have gone bat-shit crazy. That's right. I said bat-shit, and usually I don't cuss in my blog toooo much bc I know some of my readers don't like it (Hi Katie), but there was no better term.
So, I called my doc and said I NEED A FILL! I ate 2 tacos (I didnt want to totally blow their mind with the fact that I practically ate the entire value menu). My next fill was supposed to be Nov. 17th. Now it is next Wednesday.
So I have 6 days to get it together! This will be the smallest weight loss I have had in between visits. I got the unfill right before the cruise Sept. 2nd and have gone up and down since then...and I don't want to disappoint Dr. Friedman.
So, farewell my frien-emey...Mr. Sunkist. You must go back into retirement. One last swig, and no more Sunkist induced comas.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I know you can't read what is says under the Believe it! But is says "This panty will fit you...trust us".
And they do. It is the craziest thing! I wonder what the size 4/5 would look like! Good times!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Also, when I was talking at the support group about us bandsters, Dr. Friedman kept laughing when I used terms like bandiversary, bandsters, etc. He came up to me afterwards and said I have never heard any of those terms! I told him I would make a band language dictionary for him! lol
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
When I got there, I walked in...and felt like perhaps I walked into the Geriatric support group meeting, instead of the Bariatric support group. There were A LOT of gray haired, or shall we say those with hair full of wisdom, people. A quick scan and I could see I was possibly the youngest person there. In total, there were probably about 45 people. Do you know how many of us were "banded" versus Gastric Bypass? Do you? Take a guess....
Did you guess?
TWO! Me and a super nice girl named Laura. Can you believe that? Our nutritionist led the meeting, and our doctors were there as well. My doctor, Dr. Friedman (I love that man), and Dr. Nye (who is also Lacey's doctor by the way). I thought it was pretty awesome that they both stayed the entire time. One and a half hours at the end of a long day is a pretty big commitment for doctors.
We went around the room and introduced ourselves and then anyone could ask the docs some questions, or share their experiences.
Let us start with the positive.
First, I learned a little about hair loss. Dr. Nye told us that when you body experiences a shock not just WLS, but any shock...your hair follicles actually shut off. Once they shut off, you are going to lose some hair...usually about 3-6 months out. He said RARELY does it have to do with a lack of vitamins or nutrition.
Next, Dr. Friedman shared his biggest pet peeve. Smoking. He said, that he can almost guarantee, 100 % of the time...if you resume smoking after WLS...you WILL develop an ulcer. And he added, if he is called in the middle of the night to operate on a ulcer caused by smoking...he will not be happy. He continued to list some other statistics and big medical words that are a result of smoking and WLS. Scary stuff.
Overall, I didnt get much from the support group...I guess since the questions and topics were so Gastric Bypass focused. I did briefly get on my soapbox during the meeting though.
There was a girl there, about my age (a little younger), and about my size...I think (my reverse body dysmorphic disorder makes sizing me up with others tricky). But I am pretty sure she was somewhere around a size 18. She felt like a failure. Felt like she should do it the "traditional way". Said for the last 3 years she hasn't been in pictures with her son. Said she was so big she couldnt really exercise...
I think bc this was sort of an overall theme at the meeting, that I had to say something. I kept hearing "I couldn't live my life, follow my dreams, be happy, etc when I was fat". One lady said she was an author and had waited 2 years to finish her book bc she didnt want her picture on the back of the book (she had surgery and has now finished the book).
I do not accept this theme.
So I said to the girl contemplating gastric bypass. "I look at you and you are close to my weight. My weight NOW, now that I have lost 100 pounds...so your starting weight is my weight 100 pounds down. All of this is relative, and I look at you and think you have a rocking body! My confidence hasn't changed from 327 to 227. I had a lot then, I have a lot now. Don't feel like failure. And when someone tells you they are going to do it the "traditional way" or that you are taking the "easy way", you tell them GOOD LUCK with losing weight the traditional way...you have about a 5% success rate of losing it and keeping it off."
I know with all of our extra weight, there are some things that we physically cannot do. Could I have climbed Mt. Everest at 327 pounds. No (hell, I still couldnt). But, what holds us back more than that is our mind. Our excuses. Our fear. In 7th grade, my first year of middle school, I was a size 14/16. And I tried out for drillteam (dance team)...right along all of my skinny friends. And I made that team. And I made it year after year. And for those of you who have read or remember my intro, you know that it was one of the only times I can remember letting my weight determine my present, and my future. Granted I didnt let it hold me back for long. The yeat after I quit dance, I became a cheerleader. But it wasn't the same.
So, our lesson for today class? Homework actually. The question is: How would you act different if you were a size 6?
Follow up question: Why are you waiting?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
a. The act or process of annihilating.
b. The condition of having been annihilated; utter destruction
That's right! I plan to annihilate the 220's. I want the 2-teens. And I want them yesterday! I have the uncanny ability to procrastinate with almost everything...weight loss included. Notice I didnt lay down the law until my Columbus Day Goal was just 2 weeks away?
I need short term goals to stay focused. So, right now...my goal is to get out of the 220's. I also, once I reach a goal/stepping stone...think that this gives me free reign to be a little naughty...reward myself with food for being so good. THAT DOESN'T REALLY WORK DOES IT? So, I want to stay focused.
What will you choose to annihilate this week?
I am wearing a shirt today from that stash I have been saving for 7 years. It is a light, button up girly top. It is an XXL from Old Navy, but remember that is from the year 2002, which we have already decided...they made clothes smaller back then. Regardless, I wore this top at my lowest adult weight...and I am wearing it today. Technically, my lowest adult weight was 209. But I was there for a milli-second...
I keep catching glimpses of myself and smiling....more than usual!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Here is this week's list. Some of them make sense, some make me laugh, and some...like #6...I have no idea about.
Also, Loosing in 2009 added a comment on my last post about pant sizes. And I was thinking the same thing this morning...but I can't make sense of it. Makes my brain hurt. Why do you think that it takes longer to drop a size the bigger you are?
Let us think. If it took my about 40 pounds to drop my first size (26 to a 24), why does it take less weight (using Catherine as an example) to drop from a 16 to a 14 (around 15 pounds)? It has to have something to do with why 40 pounds looks and is less lost in inches on a 327 pound woman vs a 130 pound women. Are you following (bc I am losing myself)? If someone who weighs 130 lost 40 pounds it would be SO totally noticeable and actually pretty scary. But when us bigger girls lost our first 40 pounds...it takes a while to notice.
What is the scientific explanation? For those of you whose brains work that way?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
2. I love dill pickle spears. Zero calories. Doesn't something seem wrong with that? Wrong...but oh so right.
3. I have decided to coin a new term as it relates to the lapband experience. It is a very "present weight loss". Meaning that the band doesn't do it for you. It is not easy. You must be "present" and working with your band.
4. I bought more silver bangles on my quest to BangleLadyLand.
5. I do believe I am getting an iphone at the end of the month. My current cell phone is circa 1994. You know the kind that you carry around in a big bag with a zipper? Okay, not that bad...but still...not good.
6. I miss Kansas and the fall so much this time of the year. It makes my heart ache. I love fall. I miss you friend!
7. I am looking pretty smokin today in a new cardigan I got from Jones NY. I am afraid to go into uncharted "normal size" stores, so I took my boss there the other day...under the guise of looking for an outfit for her...and discovered I can wear the XL's and that they carry 18's! AND have great accessory sales (see #4).
8. I try to go and post on LBT on a semi-regular basis. I don't start my own threads, but I try to remember how helpful that website was for me in the beginning.
9. Sometimes I wonder if there were lapband blogs before us. Do you know what I mean? Because now there are so many!
10. For those of you who are single and feel down sometimes. Remember...there are many advantages. Advantage #245: You dont have to maintain your Lady Station if you don't want to. Be free.
11. I have drank 80 oz of water today...so far.
12. I had my yearly eval recently. Great scores but we had a conversation about something. You might now believe this...but my boss feels I need to work on my confidence and stop selling myself short...someday I might tell you how right she is!
13. I almost threw my back out in Wii bowling last night.
14. Which makes since bc after taking my fitness test on Wii Sports, I have a Wii age of 80!
15. To get my Masters or not get my Masters...that is the question.
16. I thought that with weight loss, my facial hair would diminish. NEGATIVE!
17. I had a dream last night that Tracey and I were at a convention and these two famous photographers were excited to set up appointments with me so I could be the next plus size model...and when I told Tracey (in my dream), he was too busy on his work phone to care. I scolded him for that this morning.
18. My meatloaf got stuck today. I hate PBing at work bc I think my boss thinks I do it on purpose.
19. "Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting." -Anonymous
20. Sometimes, less is more. This is true with eyeliner, underwear, and kids. lol....
Okay, so here is what happened! Tracey usually sits in our big, wide, comfy arm chair. Everynight, I go over to him, stand there, blink my eyes. He moves the pillows around and sits right in the middle of the chair. I straddle him and sit on his lap, he wraps his arms around me, and I tuck my head in "my nook". Which is somewhere between his neck and chest. This is an innocent, rarely naughty move. It is just a moment we take to connect and be quiet. ANYWAYS, I stood up last night after our hug and uh-oh! You can connect the dots, but I didnt KNOW it was that time of the month, and we realized it by looking at Tracey's shorts. Nuff said? Good story for Cosmo's embarrassing period story articles.
MY POINT IS.....my period usually lasts three days. So it should be gone by weigh in day. Possibly taking some water weight with it? huh? Yeah? You feeling me?
Also, we went to bootcamp Monday, and did Jillian's 30 day shred Tuesday and Wednesday night. WOO, good workout! Tracey is doing it with me, bless his heart (that's what you say down in the south when you are about to say something less than flattering). He tries. But boys aren't accustomed to aerobic classes and hoping around. He can for sure do the strength part of it....the hopping and twisting part is more of a challenge. Bless his heart.
I made meatloaf last night using a new recipe. It actually called for the meatloaf to be made in cupcake pans (12 cupcakes)!!! What a cute and great idea. Guess what!? Amy has no cupcake pans. So, I just made it in a normal pan. Here is the recipe:
1lb ground beef
1 package Stove Top Stuffing (it calls for the chicken flavor)
1 cup water
1 tsp garlic powder
3/4 cup bbq sauce
Mix it all up and bake that sucker at 375 until the internal temp is 160 degrees.
If you didnt want to do BBQ and garlic powder, you could use salsa and chili powder, marinara sauce and Italian seasoning. Play around with it.
Also, I make some mean Taco Soup. Have I shared the recipe before?
1 can whole kernel corn
1 can pinto beans
1 can chili beans
1 can kidney beans
1 can black beans (drained, rinsed)
1 can rotel
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can chicken broth
1 package Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning
2 packages Taco Seasoning
1 pound ground beef
1 onion, diced
Brown beef and onion. Put in big pot. Add everything else. Bring to boil, let simmer for at least an hour (you could make this in a crock pot also). All those beans add up to a good amount of sodium, but it makes A LOT, so you can put them in little bowls and freeze them for a take to work or quick lunch kinda thing!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
And this is me all pumped after Jillian whooped me.
That is my new workout shirt from Old Navy. Clearance. Like $4. It is moisture wicking and has elastic at the bottom to prevent it from riding up. I wore it to bootcamp last night (back after a 6 week hiatus)!
Monday, October 5, 2009
My brain just feels like exploding, and I cant focus on a topic to discuss...so prepare yourself. I will now begin.
This weekend I bought a Wii and we spent tons of time playing the wii. It is like a blackhole time suck. ahahah, speaking of Wii, I bought Jillian Michael's 30 day shred! Holy smokes batman and robin have you tried that? I know some of you have, but I wanted to get it so when I am laying around on the couch thinking lofty thoughts about why working out just isn't feasible this very instance, I will really know that a workout is as far away as my dvd player. I started with level one, bc I thought for sure it would to easy for me. It kicked my ass. I am sore 2 days later. I used to think Jillian was pretty hot, and had a girl crush on her for awhile, but now her face kinda scares me. I think she needs a hug though. But whenever I felt like taking a little break during the workout, I just imagined I was on the biggest loser and she was yelling at me making me cry. Total motivation
My favorite game on Wii so far comes with Wii play. You race cows. Tracey cheats. I lost 4.5 this last week. OOOH, yesterday I stepped on the scale and it said 230! Poop your drawers that is right! That is the lowest I have been this far in the weight loss journey. Today it said 233 and since today is official day, I recorded it. BUT, here is my theory on that. NOW, we know that there are factors that can make us weigh more (period, backlog in the BM department, imaginary muscle soreness retention), but there is nothing that can make us appear to weigh less. If there is, I don't want to know about it. So what I am saying IS: I really must weigh 230, and I only weighed 233 today bc I ate Taco Soup last night and that has lots of beans in it and beans have sodium, and sodium makes your retain water.
One week from today is Columbus Day. 6 pounds to go. But only 3 pounds if you believe everything I just said.
I made seasoned oyster crackers and puppy chow this weekend to take to the hospital. I will post recipes for both.
1 cup canola oil
1 tsp dillweed
1 tsp garlic powder
Mix oil, dillweed, garlic powder. Empty crackers into a 2 gallon bag or a big bowl. Pour mixture over crackers and mix or shake until covered. Spread on baking sheets and bake at 325 until golden brown.
This is so simple. You can use more dillweed or garlic powder to taste. I also sprinkle some garlic salt. It makes a ton, and is a quick grab snack for parties or whatever.
Puppy Chow (or Muddy Buddies) is made with Chex cereal. I usually a tad more peanut butter and chocolate and lots more powder sugar than the recipe calls for. These are not goal weight friendly, so I advise only making them if you can take them to someone else's house and leave them there. Here is the link.
I took pictures of me post workout. I will post those when I get home. Maybe. No computer still. Here are two pics from when my parents were visiting. Now, I should warn you. In this first picture Tracey pulled out a vintage "suit" he used to wear in his clubbing days in the late 80's....complete with man-girl boots. The suit is Z Caverichi (however you spell that). I on the other hand am wearing my weekend house outfit. I also look under the influence, but I assure you, I am sober. I wanted to show this picture bc the shorts I am wearing I have owned since my junior year in high school, 1996. We had to buy these basic cotton shorts for cheerleading. It was horrible bc I couldnt find them in my size anywhere. We finally found two pair at JCpenny's in the mens department. These dark blue ones never really fit. Way too tight. Now, 12 years later...they are too big and it is going to be hard to throw them away.
Do you notice my shelf ass in this picture? It likes to eat my shirt.
This picture was taken on a warm Pensacola Friday night, on our way to the Seafood Festival.
How quickly a tan fades. Seems unfair.
OH! One last thing for those of you that have managed to make it to the end of this very long post. Several people on Facebook that I havent seen in years, have recently sent me messages via FB telling me how good I am looking and asking me my secret. Flattering that they are noticing, bc I think it's harder to notice when they only have my FB pictures as a frame of reference.
So I tell them about the band. Tell them my story. One such person told me she felt it was kinda cheating, and she was going to continue on in her quest. That's cool. One person told me she is interested in learning more. So I am going to give her my link to my blog. I only have about 3 readers on here who are people that have ever seen me (aka know me) in my real life (Hi Lisa, Katie, and Rachel), so I welcome my FB buddy from Kansas here! Weeeee! I just worry that sometimes for the non bandsters, my blog might be a little boring...weight loss, band, foam out of the nose, blah blah! But I try!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Shopping. Irresponsible tetonic plate shifting shopping. I need at least two decent "dressier" work tops. And I am probably going to have to go to the horrible LANE BRYANT to get them.
I am also buying a Wii! Oh yes. The time has come. I am buying the Wii so I will have it for Christmas, and then I can request lots of Wii presents. And then those of us who have Wii can hook up to the internet, do Wii together, and my Mii will kick your Mii's ass! OH YES! They went down to $199...so I am all over it.
I also need little stuff from the beauty aisles. Don't you love shopping for stuff like that? Conditioner, face cleaner, etc. I do!
Thanks to Ramona who sent me some wonderful Old Navy Coupons, I got me a sassy little workout top from Old Navy. I will take pics. But as you can see from my shopping list, I need a black sports bra bc my pink one will clash. OOH, and my point is now that a very tiny cool front has moved into Florida, I am going to resume walking outside...and cant wait to wear the sassy top!
Tracey's dad has been in the hospital for over a week now. He had open heart surgery and out of the 4 bypasses they needed to do, they could only do one. Not good. He is only 67, and this surgery probably only gave him one more year. So we will spend some time there as well.
Is it Friday yet?